I'm Practically Monday

1.04 - The Tower Job

Team Leverage +  overhead shots

A woman walks into a pharmacy one day and says to the pharmacist, “I’d like a poison that’ll kill my husband but make it look like he died of natural causes.”

The pharmacist says, “Ma'am, not only can I not do that for you, I’m going to have to call the police and report you.”

The woman removes something from her pocket and hands it to him. He looks at it and discovers that it’s a picture of her husband making love to the pharmacist’s wife.

The pharmacist says, “Oh, you should have told me you had a prescription.”

Jeff we’ve been over this

something i always forget but then am delighted to remember is one time in the seventies my grandmother went to an art history lecture at the met and the lecturer put up a slide and was like “this is a very dope statue, no???? anyway one of the bronzes is missing :(” and my grandmother was like, “…..hm”

and then during the Q&A very politely put her hand up and said, “hello i have good news!! i know where the missing bronze is” and the lecturer was like, “come again please?” and my grandmother went, “yeah, it’s on my dining room table, do you … want it?”

anyway it’s in the met now but please take a moment to imagine being like, a tired art historian who’s teaching a poorly-attended american art history lecture for the general public and some random woman in the audience raises her hand and instead of asking you about why watercolors are pretty just reveals to you the location of a famous missing statue

boss dropped out of the zoom meeting cause his cat has learned how to unplug the desktop computer when he’s hungry

Direct action.

Best workout partner

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Agent Carter 🠢 one gifset per episode: ⮡   S2E01  •  The Lady in the Lake

♥‿♥

It can be difficult to understand just how routine-oriented cats can be if you’ve never owned one. If my oven timer goes off and I’m slow responding to it, my cats will run and fetch me and lead me right to it, because the beepy thing means the human is supposed to go into the kitchen, and are they the only ones around here who give a damn about the Rules?

One night my partner decided to stay up and play video games whilst I got an early night, and the cat responded to this by running from the bedroom to the living room yelling, because only ONE human had gone to bed and so IS IT BEDTIME OR NOT HUMANS, MAKE UP YOUR MINDS, THIS IS NO WAY TO RUN A HOUSEHOLD.

My cat wakes up 5 minutes before my alarm every day. If I get up early and turn the light on, he wakes up, squints and blinks but follows me into the kitchen and sits VERY ANGY wincing at being awake too early but refusing to be asleep if mom is awake. And just glares at me.

Anastasia (1997) Ocean’s Eight (2018) Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018) Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith (2005) The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975) The Witches (1990)

Friends + Holiday Episodes

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Jeremy Miranda.