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The Fantastic Life of Iffy Wizardry

@iffywizardry / iffywizardry.tumblr.com

Soon to be world-famous Dungeon Master. Wondering if owlbears have become too hipster.
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An excerpt from “Forsaken,” a Magic: the Gathering novel

Ajani Goldmane pauses, a rare case of the proud leonin warrior’s hesitation. His deep voice is a growl, signifying the importance of his next words. “Liliana Vess is going to be a problem. She has abandoned the Watch.”

The youngest Planeswalker, a young man by the name of Teyo, cautioned a question in a room already filled with worried brows and tensed muscles. “Who is Liliana Vess?”

Ajani of the Plains sought the source of the query. Ah... the young combatant that would put up tremendous walls of force, keeping the nightmarish Dreadhorde at bay as best he could. But wouldn’t a soldier in the War of the Spark know at least something of Liliana’s role in it?

With grace, the tribe leader answered his charge. “Vess, at one time, was the most dangerous woman across the planes. What troubles me most about her is that she can be a powerful ally, and has acted heroically as recently as this terrible war she helped begin. I fear, though, that she plans to fill the void left by the supposed God-Pharoah Nicol Bolas.”

Teyo looked concerned. “What... is a woman?”

Ajani, wise as he is fierce, continued to answer. “Now that she has destroyed her demons, Lil...” The proud lion stopped mid-pace. The earth-trembling lowness of his voice raised octaves, bringing an unheard playfulness to his next words. “Wait. Did you just ask what a woman was?”

“Yes,” Teyo, Mage of the Walls, confirmed. “What is one? Is it that blue-haired fellow?”

“Blue-haired fellow?” the Adversary of Tyrants responded. “What blue-haired fellow?!?” The Unyielding looked about the room to the faces of his Gatewatch allies. They looked just as puzzled. Even the stoic Teferi offered a shrug.

Teyo smiled wryly as if he had a secret. And he did, for he had a cookie in his pocket. A forsaken cookie.

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Here’s my intro to the Stranger Battles: Fight the Demogorgon! event at Outlaw Moon games, for those interested. You can also see how the brave adventurers did in the video posted at Facebook.com/outlawmoongames

You’ve chased the mad wizard through these caves for days now. No… you’ve been chasing Goldtooth Hazal for years. Across the treacherous Splintershock Mountains. Through the civilization-infested winding streets of the Endless City. You’ve even battled the wild mage in his own lair, Zincelagon. And you’ve noticed something. With each defeat, the elusive spell caster has fallen deeper into the endless void of insanity.

Where he once plotted to acquire wealth and power, his constant losses to your party turned his attention to destroying everyone that didn’t appreciate his genius. Mostly you. But lately, he seems desperate. He’s set out to begin the total annihilation of all living things.

Ahead, you here echoes of his high-pitched ranting. “Prince of Demons! Lord of All that Swims in Darkness! From the Gaping Maw, arise!” You rush into the lit cavern and see the gaunt figure wildly scrawling in the air. His face and body is filthy, his hair and beard are wildly unkempt. His once-fine clothes are tatters and barely recognizable as such. He looks like he hasn’t had a meal in weeks. He whips around to you and screams. “You’re too late, fools! The end is here!”

A thunderous boom interrupts the lunatic. Your heart skips, and you look around frantically for the source. Another boom, louder than before. As if something was trying to pound it’s way into our world.

BOOM!

Ripping through the wall of the cavern, a tremendous beast drags itself into our reality. As huge as three men, the reptilian body is covered in a snakes scales. Tendrils for arms and a long, forked tail whip around in fury. Atop two snake-like necks sit horrible, simian heads. One howls in pain, followed by the other, creating an amplified, horrible echo of itself. The end is here. The end is… DEMOGORGON!

The mad wizard screams in victory, but its short-lived. The demon’s tail whips across his body, slamming him to the wall with a sickening crack. Your eyes widen in horror as you see your once-powerful foe rotting at an unworldly speed before your very eyes.

Roll for initiative.

(Monster Manual art by Donald C. Sutherland III, altered by Half-Human)

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