87 bees in a skin suit

Yunho: " You're a tiny thing but still cute. "

Hongjoong: " I am not tiny! I'm your captain, respect me! "

outcome:

Hongjoong on Wooyoung's shoulders: " WHO'S LAUGHING NOW BITCH! "

Petition to get Hongjoong a comically long trenchcoat for tallness reasons

If I had like Do Whatever The Fuck You Want kind of money, I'd get a huge area of land within a reasonable walking distance from the town, and set up a mock graveyard in there. Fake tombstones with names of people who have never existed, sculptures of weeping angels draped dramatically over grave monuments, a folly in the style of old gothic stone church ruins, the whole nine yards. And then just wait for the goths to show up.

Watch them hang out there, sit on the dilapidated benches, take dramatic pictures of each other, the graves, and each other on the graves, just enjoying themselves and doing their thing, paying no mind to the unassuming, tall, equally abandoned-looking tower at the other end of the graveyard. It's not abandoned. I live there. And I set up this whole splendid little park for them just so I could watch them frolic, just the same as someone would put up a bird feeder on their yard because they wanted to watch birds.

DMing is hard. I acknowledge this. Weaving a story with words for long periods of time means you’re gonna say something silly sometimes when your brain blips. And it’s not your fault that it’s so silly that your players share it around turning it into an inside joke, immortalizing your brain fart moment forever.

My DM was narrating a scene between our tiefling rogue and the NPC she was romancing. He was trying to set the mood for their first kiss, up on a tower overlooking the city, looking into each others eyes. They’d just been on a romantic date, there was a bottle of wine between them. And this was their moment.

The NPC leaned in to kiss the rogue and the kiss was, according to our DM, “long and normal.”

The entire session went off the rails. We became ungovernable creatures of hilarity. How long is normal? We are informed normal is six seconds and we devolve even further into chaotic paroxysm of laughter. The DM desperately tried to rein us in but for the rest of the session everything took a long and normal amount of time.

My betrothed and I would kiss each other while counting to six in our heads then declare afterward, “Ah yes! Long and normal!”

I accidentally told my school team about it, reasoning that they’d at least never meet the DM who lives out of state. They’d say we needed the scene to be the long and normal length, or hold a pose for a long and normal time.

At the end of the year I invited them to my house for a celebratory meal and was surprised when my DM joined the DnD video call early. My teammates looked at him, expressions slowly spreading into evil grins. “Long and normal!” They greeted him.

He turned a look upon me of utter betrayal while I hustled them out of my house.

“It’s been a year!” He cried at the unfairness.

“Maybe it’ll phase out by next year,” I told him.

could've been worse... he could've said they kissed for one round of combat

their tongues fighting for dominance

as an aroace, im particularly dangerous, because i wont fuck or marry. i only know how to kill.

Today on clownery from my fraternity: I started “pavlov training” this guy from my frat as a joke but now it’s actually working

Context: This guy from my frat (I’m in a coed academic frat) is really into geography, and he’s been trying to learn all the state capitals of Brazil. I happen to be Brazilian, so I’ve been helping him learn them along with pronunciations. One day I was eating a pack of m&ms and decided to quiz him. If he got the question right he got an m&m, and if he got it wrong I’d eat it. Thus a tradition between us was born. If I’m eating a snack I’ll quiz him a bit and give him a tiny treat if he’s right.

Anyways, today I was in our frat lounge eating some m&ms by myself, kinda minding my own business. I eventually got really bored and wondered what would happen if I gave everyone in a lounge an m&m except for him, so I did that. He noticed and then started dropping every Brazilian state capital he could think of, getting increasingly desperate until he just started naming random Brazilian cities. A few of them he repeated multiple times to get the perfect pronunciation. It was like watching a dog do every trick it knows in rapid succession, just hoping something would get a treat. I eventually gave him a few m&ms and started wondering what the hell I’ve done

Thank you @clearancecreedwatersurvival :O (genuine, I love learning new things)

Hello important information!!!

Bread is NOT part of a skeleton's natural diet and feeding it to them can make them sick. Instead try: coins from countries that no longer exist, dead batteries, ballpoint pens, or brass buckles. These are much closer to what skeletons eat in the wild :)

I live in a coastal region and I generally feed the local skeletons with broken seashells collected during low tide, which are high in calcium and other natural minerals. Very occasionally, such as for celebrations such as last night's solstice, a shard of broken ancient pottery makes a great treat, but be careful, as these are sometimes cursed, and may cause issues for some skeletons.

I hear in towns with big candy companies they use to feed their skeletons with candy wrappers. Because of that the skeletons would be also be out in droves around Halloween. And that's why we have skeleton's as a Halloween symbol.

remember kids- feeding candy wrappers to your friendly neighborhood skeletons is harmful to their long term health! try some old pennies or a handful of colorful autumn leaves intead!!

@netherworldpost

I built my house inside out, so vampires can enter without being invited but they need my permission to leave.

Why did I do this? Don't worry about it 😊

The toadstools grew in a perfect ring the width of a child’s hula hoop.

They were upside down and clinging to the ceiling like stalactites.

“I have concerns,” she said.

“So do I,” they said. “If I step under it, does it count as stepping into a fairy circle? I mean, if a plane flies over a fairy circle it doesn’t count as stepping into it, but do the same rules apply if you’re walking under a fairy circle?”

“Right.”

“Actually, what is the area of effect for a fairy circle? Is it like a sphere that has the same circumference of the circle, so if I just duck underneath it I’ll be fine? Or is it a cylinder? How far up does the cylinder go? Or down, in this case.”

“Right.”

“Some of the many mysteries of the fey we may wonder about forever.”

They continued to stare up at the ring of toadstools. Thoughtful seconds ticked by.

“See, my concerns are mostly about how much moisture you have in your room.”

“Sorry?”

“You have mushrooms growing out of your ceiling.”

“Oh.”

She patted their back with sympathetic pity. “I appreciate that you live in a world of whimsy and delight, and I don’t want to squash that because I love you, but I also really don’t want you to die of black mold.”

“She’s right, you know,” said the goblin sitting upside down in the circle.

happy Mother’s Day to these two queens

The worst part of human adulthood is being your own zookeeper

I want to stuff a pumpkin full of raw meat and roll it around my enclosure, but I also know that I’ll have to be the one to clean up afterwards :-(

Take steps to minimize the mess! Put a cheap, disposable plastic tarp down in the area you'll be rolling it around. And.. Maybe recognize your species-specific needs and cook the meat first

Actually, if we're going for species-specific enrichment, a pumpkin may not be the best solution. We're not built for pouncing on prey or batting it around. We're distinguished by our persistence hunting and tool use

What you should do is put a pack of jerky on top of a roomba, go in another room and count to ten like you're playing hide and seek - or use this time to find a tool to use - and when you come back, try to catch it by setting a trap or by pinning it down with a stick

When you want a greater challenge, have a friend drive an RC car full of jerky around the park, and chase it until it runs out of battery

I request a YouTube channel dedicated to this immediately. And now I want jerky. Preferably caught and earned.

Get out whatever 'get all your tokens to the end' boardgame (parcheesi, sorry, trouble). Replace tokens with candy (or jerky) If you land on the same space as another player, you eat them. If you roll doubles you get another turn, if you roll 5 doubles in a row all your tokens are eaten nd you are thrown out the window. (remove screen first)

first of all. You're so right. Second of all im PRETTY sure that when you say "if you land on the same space as another player, you eat them" what you are referring to is the aforementioned candy (or jerky) but i just want to say for the record i do not condone eating the other players as it will make for a much shorter game

req'd by @thefringeperson

.... gonna schedule a reblog for november

text: Floating face-down in an open, blank, word document

The inherent homoeroticism of killing your enemy and immediately regretting it

It’s about rage, it’s about obsession, it’s about making that two-person war your entire raison d’être. It’s about loving and mistaking it for hatred and loving and loving and loving to the point of destruction. His or yours, it doesn’t matter. And you think seeing him dead at your feet will make you feel better, but all you feel is a whole lot of nothing.