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@jayshrike / jayshrike.tumblr.com

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kimabutch

I’m sorry, I can’t come into work today. I didn’t get a long rest and god gave me a point of exhaustion. All my skill checks are at disadvantage.

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Anonymous asked:

are there many benefits to being a marine biologist?

medical? no. the pay? no. job security? so-so. people going, “oh wow!!!!!” when you tell them? consistent. it’s all we have.

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You know the Grimm version of Snow White makes more sense than most versions if only because in that version Snow White was like 7 years old.

Like imagine you find a 7 year old in the woods and she’s like my mom is gonna kill me because I’m prettier than her and she’s not kidding. You know this queen is that sort of person. So you and your roommates adopt the kid and tell her don’t talk to strangers. And she keeps talking to strangers and getting poison combs stuck in her hair and whatnot.

Like yeah that’s kinda stupid but also she’s seven. She likes apples.

Also imagine it from the hunter’s perspective. The queen tells you this bitch is prettier than me I need you to take her out in the woods and kill her. And then you see who you’re supposed to kill and it’s a 2nd grader. Like how are you supposed to react to that sort of situation? Kill a human child? No. Because you’re not a brainless evil minion you’re just some guy dealing with a cartoonishly evil monarch. Of course you let her go.

Bad look for the Prince of course. Even if she did age while she was in that glass case. He saw a dead woman and just decided to keep her. And once she stopped being dead he was like we’re married now

He did cause the evil queen to dance to death in red hot shoes though. That was kinda cool.

With the acknowledgement that I'm grasping at straws, is it ever directly confirmed that the Prince wasn't also 7?

See, I think that still works.

You are the guardsman assigned to protect the eight-year-old Prince. You are currently in the middle of the forest because he absolutely had his heart set on "going hunting", and the royal second-grader should definitely not be traipsing around the woods on his own. You let him go a little on ahead and he comes running back talking about how there's a dead girl in the clearing and there's no-one else around and he wants to take her home because she's really pretty, Hans, and she's all alone!

You let him drag you to said clearing and okay, that is one angelic-looking dead child alright, and on the one hand the quality of her clothes and the craftsmanship on the coffin (who builds a see-through coffin?) speak to potential Consequences if you simply carry her off, but also for the amount of vines that have grown on the coffin she looks extraordinarily un-decayed, so you should probably get the court alchemist's opinion on that, and there's no way he's going to come all the way out here in his embroidered velvet curly-shoes. And also this kid is technically assigned by God as your natural superior, or something.

So fine. You hoist the coffin onto your shoulder (it's not like the Prince can do it. He's eight.) and head back toward the castle, Prince chattering blithely all the way. And then you turn your ankle on a rock and suddenly there's a thump and a cough and a lot of shouting from inside the coffin and you have now become a key player in a tense political incident with the next kingdom over.

You should probably ask for a raise.

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huariqueje

Mountain landscape   - Oscar Drouge , n/d.

German , 1898 - 1983

Color woodcut ,  39.7 x 29.5 cm.

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bunjywunjy

Hi I just learnt that grebe the bird existed and I am intrigued do you have any knowledge to drop on the dudes

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BOY DO I! grebes are my favorite waterfowl!

they're specialist divers and fish hunters, and they're a pretty wide group with a LOT of species!

and they're all freaks. every single one of them.

they're most closely related to FLAMINGOS, of all things, which is why their feet are so weird! they evolved completely separate from other waterfowl like ducks and geese, so they did the flipper thing totally backwards.

this is going to be a theme, nothing these birds do is normal.

unlike other specialist diving birds (coughcough LOONS coughcough), they aren't totally incompetent on land! just, again. total freaks about it.

aaagh I love them so much I might actually explode

also they swim like frogs, babies can dive pretty much immediately after hatching, and adults can minutely adjust their buoyancy in the water at will like a fucking submarine. you just can't make any of this shit up.

weirdest fucking bird 100/10

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also for emphasis on that last point: you're out on a river and you see a smallish brown duck-thing paddling around in the water. it makes eye contact with you and then just. fuckign sinks.

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American Woodcock demonstrates "distal rhynchokinesis," the ability to flex the end of its bill. This allows it to grab earthworms it encounters when probing in soil. Other shorebirds, including Dunlins & Sanderlings, can bend their bills in this way. 😃

@todaysbird this is so cool! I didn't know they could do that.

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todaysbird

im happy for them and yet seeing them flex their beaks makes my brain go “No, No, NO. That should Not happen”

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