[Liquor & Dick]

Girl with Pearl Earring, at the museum - Johannes Vermeer

There are only 3 acceptable ways to play golf:

1) Not at all.

2) Mini golf

3) Wii golf

4) Steal golf cart from the local clubhouse at 3 am and ride around in the dark drunk with your friends for an hour and then return the cart and leave

Shghhhhhh that's was supposed to be a secret

the inherent romanticism of having a friend that checks on you even when you're being an emotionally distant shriveled up idiot

I literally cannot rest and it’s all because of this tiktok

THIS IS SO GOOD

@swellingwithhate

me in skyrim looting back my used arrows off the corpses of my enemies

When u still got a mouthful of his cum but his mom knocked on tha door to check on y'all

Victor Frankenstein: I’ve created life but I refuse to put any effort into helping that life develop. I won’t teach him, love him, or defend him even though I forced him into existence with a fully operational adult brain lol. Peace, bitch.

The Monster: Am Eloquent Baby

Boomers: He’S NOt thE ViCtIM, HE’s tHe MOnsTEr

An ironic parallel considering the idea of “tough love” parenting that plenty of boomers like to use. If they buy into the idea that their kids just have to toughen up and face the real world without guidance or emotional support, I’m sure it does scare them to read a story where someone who wasn’t given any support began to resent their creator and turn on them.

it’s like that post that’s like ‘knowledge is knowing that frankenstein is the doctor; wisdom is knowing that frankenstein is the monster’. like the whole point of the post is that frankenstein’s monster is a victim of viktor frankenstein’s own monstrosity.

mary shelley did not lose her virginity on her mother’s grave just for people to misunderstand her best known work over a century later.

Great post everybody

Art by Lea Yunk

I don’t know who wrote this but...

I needed y’all to commiserate with me that there’s at least one guy that thinks that people don’t have a vagina until some penis comes along and pierces it open like a straw poking into a Capri Sun and also that a clitoris is where the vagina is.

IM HOWLING

hey yall look at this fuckin virgin

Ben Shapiro wrote this

Instagram

i feel targeted

Oh god it’s me

Don’t worry about it is me 🙃

Its all good, no worries

Sometimes I forget that I really am pretty weird and my experiences are fairly far afield from “normal.”

This girl who I vaguely knew from the coffee shop showed up one day and said she thought her mom had died that morning and I figured she was probably overreacting so I said I’d go check with her and it turns out her mom HAD died but we honestly weren’t sure when it had happened so I lifted her off the bed and attempted CPR and then ended up having to talk to cops and this poor girl’s family for HOURS as she called her dad and brothers and the cops wanted to know if the mom was on any medications or if she had been depressed and I was like “I have no idea, I had literally never met the lady and I don’t even know the family’s last name, the first ever full conversation I had with the daughter was this morning.” And apparently THAT was super suspicious or something.

So anyway that was a rough day and the next day I go into the coffee shop and the manager (who is basically never in) comes over and says “Debbie says you had a rough day yesterday.” And I was like “uh, yeah. It was pretty weird.” And then he was like “Debbie says that you handled it really well. And that you filled out an application to work here a couple weeks ago.” And I was like “I guess?” And he was like “Okay you can do a training shift today and you’re on your own tomorrow. We don’t normally hire people under 21 and we don’t normally hire regulars so don’t fuck up.” (I was 18)

So I started working at the cash-only coffee shop that was patronized exclusively by the weirdest people in town (who had all slept with each other, had no money, and had the most drama of any group I’ve ever been part of) and was used to launder money made by the owner’s cocaine sales for the local gang.

The first shift I worked alone was the next night and when I called the manager and told him one of the regulars had been chasing people out of the parking lot to sell meth the manager told me to ban him so I was like “Hey dude, manager says you’re banned” and he was like “You’re a fucking cunt and I’m going to wait until you’re alone and I’m gonna fucking kill you” and then he drove around the block about twenty times and screamed “cunt” out the window every time he passed by where I was cleaning the patio.

One of the regulars, who was a nearly-seven-foot-tall hacker and gunsmith who worked graveyard in Hollywood, waited around for me to finish closing and then offered to drive me home because otherwise I’d have to walk three miles alone and there was that whole “circling meth dealer” thing going on. I decided to take a chance on getting a ride from tall, dark, and scary and that paid off pretty well because it’s been fifteen years and I’ve been married to that tall weirdo since 2011.

And that’s how I got my first non-porn job.

Just about every paragraph I was going “Okay, that’s pretty weird, but surely this is as weird as the story gets” and I was Mistaken.

sir….