'Til the end of the line

The Nice Guys, 2016.

You don’t have to fake orgasm to help your partner’s ego. The guy I lost my virginity to wrote a play about the experience, and the character based on me gave a monologue about how she regretted sleeping with him because no one else would ever be that good. So, yeah. Just tell him you didn’t cum. 

Im sorry he wrote a fucking what

So I did an egg hunt at my place of work this morning. I don’t mean like I hid a couple dozen eggs and people rolled their eyes like “hey isn’t this a bit childish?”

I mean I got an entire staff of some 30 surgery, kennel, vet techs and receptionists to go absolutely wild running around our facility looking for 200+ colorful plastic eggs full of chocolate and sour patch bunnies and one golden egg with $10 in it

Like one person riding on another person’s shoulders to look on top of the high stacked kennels and using leashes as lassos

There was screaming and wild giggling and I’ve never seen so many grown ass women grinning and running around like kids in my life it was the greatest.

Apparently I am now the morale officer of my workplace but my boss (who somehow wound up covered in glitter at the end of the day despite literally none of the eggs having glitter on them) now knows me as

The Harbinger of Chaos

that sounds FANTASTIC

there’s a scene in stid during which jim and spock stand so still while looking into each other’s eyes for thirty seconds that I can’t make it into a gif because it would look like a screencap. the only way you can tell it’s not is uhura blinking in the background

you think I’m kidding. this is 33 frames long

YOU THINK I’M JOKING BUT I’M DEAD SERIOUS

one day this comic will reach a million notes and then i’m going to quit my job and become a couch

Holy fuck she knew

Wait…wait a minute, wait a minute, I just realized something!!!

What if she did know?

Think about it, Helen goes in to talk to Edna but Edna has already prepared a series of supersuits that are perfectly designed for every situation she and the kids are going to be in. And for some reason, we’ve all just accepted that, yeah, she’s Edna Mode, she would know these things, she’s just like that.

But what if we’ve all been missing something right in front of us?

We know Edna has affiliations with the government agency and has obviously been making suits for decades. Do you think the government is just going to get a random fashion designer to make these suits? Absolutely not.

They’re going to get a Super.

What if Edna is a Super with the power of future-vision? 

That’s how she knows exactly what suit to make, that’s how she knows that the kids are going to be in danger, that’s how she’s so aware of everything going on around her and catches everyone off guard.

She never looks back; she looks forward.

(Sorry for hijacking your post, OP.)

which is why the whole cape thing hit so hard. she didnt see it coming

I love the idea of a Super whose power is to amazingly see into the future and she just uses it for fashion design.

apologise

hey guys im making french toast sticks in the oven. I’m gonna take a quick nap wake me up in 5 minutes so i can flip them over

Randy its been five minutes flip your sticks

snnnnzzzzz

holy fuck you guys 

after years of being vaguely confused when I came across the measurement “a stick of butter” in recipes, today I learned that in the United States they sell butter in these skinny stick things:

it is literally a stick of butter. A STICK OF BUTTER. 

i have literally never seen butter sold this way. each stick one only amounts to ½ a cup of butter AMERICANS PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT MY WHOLE LIFE WHEN I SAW THE PHRASE “A STICK OF BUTTER” IN RECIPES I WAS IMAGINING THIS:

THIS IS THE ONLY “STICK” I’D EVER SEEN BUTTER SOLD IN. I THOUGHT Y’ALL WERE THROWING FUCKIN’ POUNDS UPON POUNDS OF BUTTER INTO THINGS HOLY JESUS THE WORLD MAKES SO MUCH MORE SENSE NOW FUCKIN CHRIST. 

I love little foreign confusion things like this

Tom Holland “talking” about Avengers: Infinity War on The Graham Norton Show

That’s definitely cute

And now there is a raccoon in my house…

I am truly laughing so hard at this right now

WHAT.