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Tales from the Dork Side

@perforatedsanity / perforatedsanity.tumblr.com

Old and cranky fangirl. Disabled, paraplegic and cranky. Did I mention cranky? I may disappear for long periods of time due to the condition that caused my paralysis. If this happens, send me an Ask!
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skylanth

How to Make Quick and Easy Tattoo Sleeves

Got a cosplay idea but the character has lots of arm (or leg) tattoos? Don’t feel like painting on yourself with body paints or hunting down that horrendously expensive temporary tattoo paper? Here’s a quick tutorial for making tattoo sleeves using nylons and sharpie markers! 

Upsides: 

- Supplies are cheap! You may even have many or all the supplies you need right at home.

- Quick and not very messy! No paint is involved, and sharpie marker dries instantly. 

- Easy! Great artistic skill not required.

- They move with your skin! People have legit thought these were real tattoos. From a distance, yes, but I had guys at cons with actual ink on their arms come over to compliment on my full (fake) sleeves. 

- You get to eat pringles! More on that later. 

Downsides:

- They are delicate. Nylons get holes in them super easy and forearms run into stuff, lean against things, and generally make it hard for the sleeves to survive. But if you only need them for a weekend, that’s ok.

- I haven’t experimented too much, but unfortunately this technique probably doesn’t work for wearers with darker skin tones. Sharpie ink is transparent, so any color it rests on just multiplies and the tattoo won’t show up very well. You’ll want to go the fabric paint or body paint route to get the best bold, bright tats. 

- Can’t do white sections, because sharpie ink is transparent and doesn’t come in white. I leave them blank and they read OK, but the white areas will always be pink, tan, brown, etc. unless you dab in a little fabric paint, which will not be covered in this tutorial.

- Sharpie is supposed to be permanent marker, but on skin…it’s not. The ink will most likely wear off onto adjacent clothes. Not that big of a deal for me, as I tend to wear my tats with white shirts that can be bleached, but other shirts may not survive as well.

OK, let’s go! Here are your supplies: 

You’ll need a pair of nylons, scissors, tape, a set of sharpies, your designs printed out on 8.5 x 11 paper, some bracelets, and a can of Pringles. You can use any design you want, of course, but Here is the link to these fine Newt Kaiju tattoo designs. 

If your nylons have an undies part, cut the legs off and wear the undies on your head for the rest of the tutorial, if desired. Put the legs on your arm like so, and cut the toes off so you can slip your hand through. You can cut some of the top of the sleeve off as well, but don’t cut too much because you can’t put it back on if your sleeves are too short. 

Here are my creepy sleeves. Now for the pringles.

Tape your design template to the Pringles can. It doesn’t reach all the way around but eh. The Pringles can gives you a nice stable surface to draw on that is roughly the shape and size of an arm. It’s a little short, so just roll up the rest of the nylon above the workspace and adjust both template and nylon down when you get to working on that part of the sleeve.

Color with the markers! I recommend doing the colored areas first and then doing the black outlines on top of it, to avoid the black ink contaminating the ink pads of the lighter markers. Remember how that always happens to the yellow ones? Eww. Nylons are thin and slide around a bit, so it’s best to use short strokes and dotting to get the ink on.

Take the template off the Pringles tube, flip the paper to the blank side and put it back on again. The paper collects the extra ink, so it’s hard to see any missed spots. Now you can see any bits you may have missed. Fill them in for completion. Also, the paper doesn’t manage to wrap all the way around the Pringles can, so now is the time to free-hand a bit of the design where the template doesn’t reach. For Newt tattoos, that’s the back of the arm. 

When you’re all done coloring, put them on!

There’s a rough end to the tattoo right at the wrist, of course. Disguise where the sleeve ends and your skin begins with some pretty bracelets:

There we are, much better!

Now…you’re done! Have some Pringles! 

SLAMS THE REBLOG BUTTON

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hollowedskin

from a tattooist perspective: use the navy sharpie not the black or blue for your lines, they will look like healed black ink.

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hrovitnir

This is amazing. Particularly “if your nylons have an undies part, cut the legs off and wear the undies on your head for the rest of the tutorial, if desired.

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ironmess

rdj kissing josh brolin on the lips is such a power move. the man doesn’t give a single fuck. he’s the male protagonist archetype of this century but he will kiss as many guys as he pleases because he can and there’s nothing hollywood can do about it

i love how the media has rdj as this manly hetero Man Of Iron™ but he lives on a diferent dimension where sexuality is whatever the fuck he wants it to be. he will kiss man and women as he pleases. he will dress in pink and yellow and not give a single fuck.

MIRA–

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Y SU FAVORITO–

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theironman

robert has always not given a single fuck for people’s views in what he should wear and how openly affectioned he can be with men. he’s not here for fragile masculinity and heterosexuality. he will continue to kiss, hug and shower them all with love.

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daydur

Since the photos above focus on him kissing men, I feel the need to also add a few examples of his i don’t give a fuck outfits:

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iolanthee

1) he’s a fashion disaster

2) all the guys getting kisses from him are literally b e a m i n g . they love it. they want more

This is on my dash again and the only day I don’t reblog this is the day I’m dead.

THIS IS MY HOLY GRAIL 

I love seein dudes gettin to be openly affectionate with each other?? Thats some good good positive masculinity right there. A plus friendship power moves

I would also like to point out that at least one of the dudes he’s kissing is gay (Elton John). It’s easy to kiss straight dudefriends as a “joke” and then go “hahahaha no homo,” but he’s literally just like “I greet my fucking friends how I WANT, assholes, ALL my fucking friends” with zero fucks given what anyone may assume as a result.

I’M SO GLAD THIS POST IS ON MY DASHBOARD AGAIN

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attackofjak

Care about your internet privacy?

Use any US-based internet sites or digital services? (spoiler alert, the answer is yes if you’re reading this) Then you should be concerned about the new bill in the U.S. Senate, the EARN IT act. Under the false premise of identifying online child abuse, it paves the way for deincryption and scan photos, texts, documents, and just about anything else you can put on the internet. In fact, experts say it could make abused children even more vulnerable - and it puts all of our safety at risk by undermining our privacy.

What can you do? Check out this article that explains it a little better. https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2022/02/its-back-senators-want-earn-it-bill-scan-all-online-messages There’s a big red “TAKE ACTION” button in the article that will take you to a form where you can send a prewritten (optionally customizable) email directly to your state senator. The form doesn’t even save your address after you use it to identify your senator. If your senator isn’t available through their form, they provide that senator’s website and you can copy their prewritten letter to paste into their contact form. It’s easy, free, and takes very little of your time. No phone calls or writing necessary!

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dear-ao3
Anonymous asked:

hold on a fucking second. delaware is a state?? i thought it was a river? or is the river more important than the state? why don't i know this? (i should mention i don't like in america, i'm just confused)

there is delaware (state) and delaware (river) 

both are equally strange

the state is a tiny little cryptid thing

the rive is a monster that spans new york, pennsylvania, new jersey and delaware. also washington crossed it once and that was like kinda a big deal i guess. like crossing the rubicon in rome.

the state tries to me more important with its “im the first state!!!” bs (seriously its even on the fucking license plates) but we all know. its the river.

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THATS TUPPERWARE

i thought delaware was a place in ohio? why are there so many things named delaware?

delaware is too powerful

what the fuck

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skaktusposts

Wait what? I thought Delaware was a store with building supplies. Like paint, wood, nails and stuff?

THATS HOME DEPOT ???

I know home depot, but dude I don't know anything about America mad have never been there. Are you sure there is not a some sort of store called something close to Delaware!?!

.....ace hardware....?

this post has only been around for a few hours but could very well be a world heritage post

but at what cost

This post launched at 8am PST on 12 Feb 2021. The above conversation has happened in 3 hours.

he WHAT? i thought he was from. w. wait. ???

delaware stole the presidents shoelaces for clout and became too powerful

From the UK- and what do you mean Delaware isn't a type of ceramic?

it is now

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kkshowtunes

Isn’t delaware what they make computers on???

software ??

I think they meant Dell Ware, a specific computer type. We had a Dell computer once.

I thought Delaware was that famous singer they spoofed in Zootopia.

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gazelle??

oh i thought delaware was that one british singer lady, you know, the one from chasing pavements

that's fucking adele

isn’t delaware that place you go when you die

youre thinking of superhell and all of you are going there

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totalrosalia

how the fuck did any of you come to the conclusions you all made

we live in america?

I thought Delaware was that food delivery service that keeps interrupting youtube videos with their ads when I'm trying to have a good time

..... are you talking about Doordash???

Isn't Delawere the name of that one girl in the song that goes "Hey there, Delawere"? She's from NYC or something.

THATS HEY THERE DELILAH

Pausing here to point out that op is “dear-AO3″ and now I’m wondering if Delaware fanfic would be categorized as RSF (real state fic) or AU (alternate unitedstates)

stop i do not want to think about this 

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joyflameball

Isn’t Delaware that SPN ship that exploded the internet

Everyone on this post:

I love that the “no, that’s [x]” meme is making a comeback here and only here and nobody has any idea what’s going on

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jmercedesd

Keep up the good work, we can make poor OP have a melt down yet. 

Isn't delaware that one brand of pizza that's like "it's not delivery, it's delaware."

isn't delaware the god of the sea

Isn't Delaware the name of that guy who painted the Mona Lisa?

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lordechostan

delaware is that one evil cyborg guy that has a son named Luke and a red laser sword

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kiwikipedia

Thats Darth Vader. Im pretty sure Delaware is that other red-laser sword guy. You know. The one that stabbed Qui-Gon.

what have i created

I usually only reblog older posts, but this definitely deserves to be in every tumblr hall of fame

this post has only existed for 8 days. 

This is fantastic because it goes great with my theory that Delaware only exists for tax purposes. Like, all the states really only exists for Tax Purposes, but Delaware is particularly fake because back in 2012 I got lost in the Alleged Delaware Area looking trying to get to a family reunion, but every time I pulled over for directions, I would ask what the hell state I was in now, and I went through Mayland, Pennsylvania, New Jersey AND Virginia and I never fucking found Delaware but I did eventually find the Family Reunion and earned the repsepct of my then-prospective- Great-Grandmother-In-Law by saving her favorite grandchildren from a furious oceangoing horse so I’m convinced that not only is the state a purely legal construct, they didn’t even dedicate any landmass to it, or it’s a gov’t blackzone where the carnivorous horses live.

World Heritage Post

fun fact, i actually drove through delaware on this posts 6 month birthday. i hate it here.

This post literally fills me with life,tysm.

This post confused the heck out of me, I don't even know what's going on in this post, why the hell am I rebloging it?

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Peggy, dressed up for the season!

Merry Crisis, ya filthy animals. ❤️

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zobb

christmas eve what about christmas adam

happy christmas adam to all men’s rights activists

Please stop pestering us with things like this. This has nothing to do with men fighting for their rights. Eve is short for ‘evening’. Please don’t turn activism into a joke. Thanks.

Someone isn’t having a good christmas adam

Christmas Adam: December 23rd. Comes before Christmas Eve and is generally unsatisfying.

Happy Christmas Adam, y’all. 

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tricktster

I ever tell you guys about my ethically dubious radio show back in college? The Mad Dad Hour?

it was an entire radio show built around perpetuating a very simple joke, but it was uniquely powerful in its capacity to prompt the reaction I was looking for.

so my slot was at the tail end of rush hour, and i got a fair number of listeners/callers who were on the way home from the office. And like, I had a lot of callers, who almost all wanted to request songs that really didn’t fit with the aesthetic. I had pitched a power pop show when i got my slot, but the callers were not having it; they invariably wanted classic rock.

this made sense in a way. if you think about the demographics of the people who listened to the radio for music in 2010 instead of their ipods or cds or whatever, you’d expect them to skew older right? accordingly, i quickly realized that almost all of the people who called to request songs were Dads of a Certain Age. It was honestly annoying at first - I’m all for most classic rock, but that wasn’t what the show was supposed to be.

And so one day, when i was feeling particularly annoyed with requests that just didn’t fit thematically, i came up with the joke that rapidly became the only reason I kept the show going. Per station rules, I had to play a certain number of pre-recorded PSAs during my show, and before I cut to one I was supposed to read out the song titles and artists for all the music i had played before the break. So this one day when i had to inform the world before the break that the song they just heard was, per a listener’s request, Hey Jude by the Beatles, I decided to do a goof. I said:

“and finally, that last song you heard was Hey Jude, which was of course written and performed by the Rolling Stones.”

I barely had time to get the ads going before the phone started ringing. See, I had been assuming people would realize i was making an obvious joke by claiming one of the most well-known Beatles tracks was a Stones song, but i had failed to consider that my listeners were mostly 55-70 year old dads who were irritated from a long day in the office.

And when those dads heard me, a millennial woman, get the artist of an extremely well-known beatles song WRONG???!

they HAD to call in to correct my ignorance. never in a polite way either, it was condescending and annoyed or nothing. and like, they were just SO personally insulted by my inaccurate reporting that it took a massive amount of effort for me to avoid cracking up during the call. I had never understood why some people would enjoy trolling random strangers on the internet before, but in that moment, I understood the appeal entirely.

obviously i did it again right before the next commercial break, immediately after playing Don’t Stop Me Now by Queen David Bowie.

the phone immediately began to ring.

“ARE YOU AN IDIOT?” one of the callers began, “DAVID BOWIE???? THAT WAS QUEEN!”

“I thought David Bowie was the lead singer of Queen though?” I replied with as much innocent earnestness as i could conjure.

I could hear an intake of breath as the infuriated boomer on the other end of the line struggled to figure out where to even start.

And thus, the Mad Dad Hour was born.

@eduards-stuff I kept doing the same joke for an hour a week for an entire year, and the dads NEVER caught on. After episode 1 of the new format I started taking the angry dad calls on air, which added another layer of hilarity to the whole concept.

My friends on campus knew that hay I was doing and enjoyed tuning in, but only one actual listener ever figured out what I was doing, and he was literally a random 30 year old guy from the netherlands with access to an early internet connection radio service. He was possibly my only actual fan. I only know about him because he went to the effort of making a skype and paying for international service so he could call in, and while I got a few calls from him, the first remains my favorite:

me: hi there, you’ve got TST-
him: *strained, wheezing dutch laughter*
me: hey, is everything o-
him: pfffHAHAHAAH YOU MAKE THEM SO MAD. THEY THINK SO LITTLE OF YOUUUUUUUU BUT THE MEN ARE THE ONES WHO ARE FOOLISH! HA! HA! HA! YOU HAVE DUPED THEM!
me: sir i do not know you and i have never even seen you but i am in romantic love with you.
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Arthur/Eames and Candy Cane from the winter prompts? 😊

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sorry for the delay, internship interviews are kicking my ass agsjfksh

***********

For the most part, Arthur loved working point. He loved details and research and answering questions most people wouldn't even think to ask, and that made him well-suited to the position. He didn't mind the hours spent in front of a computer or pouring over notes- in fact he quite enjoyed them. Stakeouts, though, were one of the few aspects of his job that he found far less enjoyable and even downright unpleasant at times. He knew they were a necessary evil but that didn't mean he liked them, and this particular stakeout was no different. It was necessary, but it was also late and cold, and Arthur was thoroughly over the whole experience.

And it didn't help that he had to put up with company.

He sighed as Eames shifted in the passenger's seat for what felt like the thousandth time that hour. "Remind me again why you're here?"

"Because I'm forging the mark's mistress and it'll be helpful for me to see when and how she arrives." Eames shifted again, frowning. "I don't know how you do these, darling. I feel like I'm going to go bloody insane if I'm stuck in this car much longer."

"Yes, well I don't usually have to deal with anyone else."

Eames huffed. "I'm an absolute delight, love, and you know it."

Arthur rolled his eyes, turning his attention back to the house across the street from where they were parked. As tedious as it was, he was here for work- there was no use in getting distracted. A moment later, though, his stomach growled loudly in the otherwise quiet car.

"A bit hungry?"

Arthur could picture Eames' amused expression without even looking. "Shut up."

Eames chuckled and Arthur heard him digging through a plastic bag. "Lucky for you, I brought snacks."

Arthur turned, sighing when he saw what Eames was holding out towards him. "A candy cane? Seriously?"

Eames grinned at him. "Come on, darling, it's December! Get into the holiday spirit!"

Arthur leveled an unamused look at him. "I'm Jewish."

"Doesn't change the fact that peppermint is one of your favourite flavours." Eames raised an eyebrow. "Do you want it or not?"

Arthur hesitated before reluctantly accepting the candy cane. As much as he hated Eames being right, peppermint was one of his favourite flavours. He hadn't realized Eames had known that. "Did you bring any normal snacks, or just candy?"

"No, I also brought some granola bars, but I figured candy canes were more fun. A little something to brighten an otherwise boring evening."

Arthur rolled his eyes again, unwrapping the peppermint stick. December had never really held much meaning for him as a "holiday" season, but he couldn't deny the comforting nostalgia of a candy cane. He'd adored them growing up, and the sticky sweetness tasted undeniably like childhood. He couldn't help but smile as an old memory floated to the front of his mind. "You know, my mom actually banned me from eating these one year when I was little."

"Oh?"

"Mm. Apparently I would wait until they were nice and sharp, and then I kept trying to poke people with them." He chuckled; it had been a long time since he'd thought about that. "I lost my candy cane privileges for the rest of the year because of that."

A moment of silence passed before the car was suddenly filled with Eames' loud laughter. Arthur looked over, frowning and suddenly self-conscious. "What?"

"No, nothing, it's just..." Eames grinned at him. "You intentionally turning candy canes into a weapon as a small child is maybe the most on brand thing I could ever think of for you." He tried to hold back another wave of laughter, but wasn't particularly successful. "You're something else, darling, you know that? Never change."

Arthur couldn't stop his own smile from breaking through a little, his self-consciousness fading slightly. He supposed it was a bit funny. "Fuck off."

He settled back in his seat, still smiling as Eames' laughter filled the car again. Maybe a bit of company on a stakeout wasn't that bad after all.

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in the sixth months after graduating from college, with my very expensive degree from a good college, i ate nothing but bread. i worked at a bakery / cafe / restaurant and got half off one meal per shift but it was still too expensive even then. but at the end of every night we would throw out all the bread loaves that hadn’t sold, which was most of them, every night. we would fill up ten boxes to give away to a shelter and then we could take anything we could carry, and i couldn’t afford a half off deconstructed sandwich, but i could fill the cabinets of my apartment with bread. everyone who worked there was just like me, subsisting on discarded, overpriced bread. 

(when the managers’ backs were turned i was taught to leave the trashbags of bread behind the dumpster rather than inside it, because it was locked after everyone left to prevent people from stealing from it. we would say we were going out to stack chairs and instead stack prepackaged salads prepared that morning in the narrow space between wall and dumpster, but that’s not what this is about.)

we were working valentine’s day, a little bit miserable about it, because customers are somehow worse on a holiday about love, and even if we were single we didn’t want to be here, and most of us had people we’d rather be spending the day with, and the snappish, hardass manager was working that day, and everyone could not wait for the day to be over. 

we had a boxes of those bakery tissue sheets around and i was twisting it in my hands and i thought about how the first night my uncle spent with my aunt he had to get up early for work but didn’t want to wake her and the whole thing hadn’t been planned, exactly, so he (a roofer by trade and a golden glove boxer by sport) went into the kitchen and took some paper towels and twisted them between his big, scarred hands until it formed a sweeter shape and when my aunt work up it was to a paper towel rose on her pillow. 

so i used a couple sheets of bakery tissue to make a rose and walked up to my coworker who stared at me with a rictus smile and i gave it to her, trying not overthink if it was a weird thing to do. her smile slipped and she asked “you made this?” holding it carefully, like it wasn’t something her two year old son could have made with his pudgy hands, and i shrugged and got more milk from the back. 

then another coworker held the steamer too long when frothing milk, not on accident but because he was irritated, so i rolled another rose and tucked it in his apron pocket as i walked by. then it was just one more of us up front and it was nothing, thirty seconds of twisting paper to take the stack of cookies out of her hands and hand her a tissue paper rose, her lined face lifting into a grin as she proudly tucked it into the chest pocket of her shirt and i may as well have been standing in front of the ovens for how hot my face felt. 

it was such a silly thing to do, i felt ridiculous, giving away hastily constructed tissue paper roses on valentine’s day, clumsy artful garbage. then one of the servers walked by and noticed and so i made her one too, and then other servers came by, leaning over the glass, and complimenting the flowers with big eyes, and i laughed and made more, still not sure if it was sincere, but even if it wasn’t, i figured making them one and handing it over was better than saying no. 

then i went to the back again and the dishwasher yelled out “where’s mine? what about us?” and he was too sweet to ever be anything less than sincere, so someone kept an eye on the door to the manager’s office as i stood in the sweltering kitchen and rolled clumsy tissue paper roses, enough for everyone 

and by the time the day ended, everyone had one, everyone wore one, tucked in their shirt or their apron or stuck in their hair or taped to the top of their pen. everyone was a little less miserable, smiling like we were all on in on the joke, although i don’t think any of us knew the punchline 

this story doesn’t have a punchline either. i just sometimes think of how much better some crumpled tissue paper made things and think that it can be that easy, sometimes, if we’re sincere and don’t overthink it too much

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