As a 15 year old I sprinted home from a dinner party so I would not miss Die Hard on TV. I am going to miss this actor very much as his movies, interviews and countless fan videos brought me much needed comfort during a difficult year in my life. RIP Alan Rickman ❤

My reading material at the moment. God I'm sort of weirdo...

I had a dream I met John Green last night. It was so awkward having to tell him I have not read his books or seen the movie adaptions.

<3

The One Where She Came Out

Just need to get something other than my bra off my chest. If you have seen my tumblr you may not believe I’m a lesbian. I am a bit of a fangirl but just about all of it has been nothing to do with wanting to have sex. If this confuses you, keep reading, I provide an explanation. 

Having grown up in two separate house holds, I never really got a chance to think about who I am until my late teens. My Dad's family was pretty old-fashioned and conservative European family where not conforming to gender stereotypes was bad and homosexuality was a sin. My Mum and my Step-dad were the complete opposite. They let me be who I was: a total tomboy who loved sport and hated wearing dresses, skirts and anything that was stereo-typically female.

I realized I like girls when I was 13, I liked guys too but only because I thought it was normal to. I had bigger things on my mind until I was about 15 and once all those problems stopped, I had my first group of real friends. I was desperate to be "normal" like them, so I made myself this pathetic, boy-crazy, hopeless romantic. It was mainly for the attention and getting a boyfriend or at least being a girl interested in boys seemed normal and I had one for an entire 2 weeks but the moment I reached south of the boarder I was frightened and ended it. I was pretty determined to not be an outcast like I was for pretty much all of primary school.

Whenever I found myself liking a girl I used to freak out about being "sexually confused" even though I knew there was absolutely nothing wrong with being attracted to the same-sex. Despite that, my Step-dad still had to remind me of that after my swimming lessons when I told him I liked a girl. Throughout my teenage years, I tended to identify and relate to LGBT people more, I'm not exactly sure why, and gay rights became a matter close to my heart.

When I was 19, I met a girl, unfortunately she was a straight, very pretty catholic who didn't believe in gay marriage (but that's nothing I couldn't change with some left-wing rhetoric), but everyone other aspect of her was just great. Then I met this waitress when I was out at dinner with my grandparents (of all people) and that was it. She was so gorgeous  but I was still pathetic, so I couldn't summon the courage to talk to her even though I was definitely more attracted to her than anyone I had ever seen (still the case I'm afraid). All I could do was make sure she got a smile and a decent tip.  Given the fact I knew I couldn't help liking girls too, I just gave in and admitted to myself that I like women.

I told my parents I identified as bisexual. Before I got to make my little announcement, my Step-dad stopped me so he could write down what he thought I was going to say, when I told him he said "oh I was half right" because he thought I was going to say "I'm gay". I told my closest friends and they were extremely supportive.

I clung onto being attracted men from that moment on even though I could feel that feeling rapidly decreasing. It was like the moment I admitted to liking girls the flood gates opened and then I kissed a girl for the first time and wham there it was, there was no going back.

After a while, it became pretty clear that I only liked men because I was told to from a young age and having other problems to deal with, sexuality was never really a strong focus and when I started high school I just wanted to be like the other girls and it just so happened I was the only girl who played sports with the guys at recess and lunch or wore soccer tops on casual clothes days.

I spent 7 weeks overseas and I was away from family and friends and my usual influences and I became the tomboy I was again and I had never felt more like myself, at the same time I came to realize I was lesbian. I spoke about this openly to my best friends and my Step-dad who have been really supportive and now I'm completely comfortable identifying as a lesbian and I've never felt more myself or happier.

I call my thoughts about Dan Howell "Dantasies"