Pitch Perfect Sentence Starters

“I ate my twin in the womb.” “I set fires to feel joy.” “I like to watch babies cry.” “I like it when pretty boys dress up in drag and perform for me.” “I was born with gills like fish.” “Do you want to see a dead body?” “I’m horizontal running.” “You have a fat heart, and that’s what matters.” “You’re gonna get pitch-slapped so hard, your (man) boobs are gonna concave.” “If we let them penetrate us, we are giving them our power!” “Not a good enough reason to use the word ‘penetrate.’” “I have a feeling we should kiss.” “Is that a good feeling or an incorrect feeling?” “Sometimes I have the feeling I can do crystal meth, but then I think, mmm… better not.” “A-ca-scuse me?” “You are awesome… ly horrible. I hate you. Kill yourself.” “ I should have taken that cardio tip more seriously.” “You’re really drunk right now. I don’t think you’re gonna remember any of this.” “ No, I’m not drunk at all. You’re just blurry.” “It’s like when my doctor told me not to have sex for six weeks, and I did it anyway.” “ Damn. Prison changed you.” “Well, at least it’s not herpes. Or do you have that as well?” “I can’t concentrate on anything you’re saying until you cover your junk.” “ His butt is so tiny that I can hold it with, like, one hand.” “ Excuse me bitch, you don’t need to shout.” “ Don’t worry, it’s just God punishing you ‘cause you’re a ginger.” “Don’t just bring it, sing it, and let’s do this.” “Nothing makes a woman feel more like a girl than a man who sings like a boy.” “Give me the sharp weapon, I wanna put it up his butt!” “Yeah, no don’t put me down for cardio.” “Huh. Not a dude. It’s not a dude.” “This ginger needs her jiggle juice!” “Wanna do something else? We could re-live my parents’ divorce. Or visit a gynecologist.” “Leave it. It fuels my hate fire.” “The kraken has been unleashed! Feel the fat power!” “You are probably the grossest human being I have ever met.” “Here’s your official rape whistle! Don’t blow it unless it’s actually happening!” “I’m willing to sign breasts!” “Yeah, well, I shut everybody out. Don’t take it personally. It’s just easier.”

MYSTERY STORY TIME

So there was a single, solitary kiwi on our counter in the kitchen.

And I decided to make fun of my roommate for it, because who buys one, single, solitary kiwi? So I asked her that.

Roommate: I didn’t buy a kiwi.

Me: This isn’t your kiwi?

Roommate: No?

Me: But this isn’t my kiwi.

Roommate: That kiwi was there when I got home.

Me: I don’t even eat kiwi!

As you can see, it’s a real kiwi. Here it is, on my counter, giving away nothing.

But I was still confused as to where it came from. Did one of us accidentally buy a kiwi at the store? 

So I looked up the Kiwiny company to figure out which stores it’s sold at, to see which one of us might have bought it, since we tend to use different grocery stores.

Kiwiny doesn’t have American retailers.

There is literally no reason for this kiwi to be in my kitchen.

It came all the way from Italy and this is how you welcome it

what the signs fall in love with

Aries: selflessness, dark features, working good in teams, sharing things

Taurus: familiarity, loyalty, tenderness, sharing relaxing/intimate memories

Gemini: the details (sparkly eyes, high fives, clumsy grins, sighs), mysteries

Cancer: comfort, the color blue, people with golden hearts and snarky humor

Leo: clumsiness, cute laughs, gentle physical contact, messy hair, confidence

Virgo: (falls with) time, suits & ties, ponytails, aesthetical prettiness, neatness

Libra: playfulness, kept promises, closeness, sharing secrets, caring words

Scorpio: winks, funny jokes, meaningful conversations, bright/shining eyes

Sagittarius: freedom, late night talks, cute smiles, good style, luscious lips

Capricorn: sweetness, cuteness, nice hair, passion, kind & hard working people

Aquarius: mind connections, friendship necklaces, super nice sense of humor

Pisces: affection, coziness, heated sarcasm and funny stories, inside jokes 

this generation gets dragged so much and insulted so much and called conceited and careless and lazy and stupid and yet we’re just taking selfies when we think we look nice and complimenting each other and educating ourselves and un-learning internalized prejudices and we care so much about the world and the future and we’re so tolerant and passionate and perseverant and i love it. i love it so much. everyone hated us and we just didn’t care. everyone hated us so we learned to love ourselves

me: *can’t handle the stress and demands of school* also me: *can’t function properly without the structure school gives my life*

#winter anxiety vs. summer depression

A compilation of gay pride parades from all over the world, including Chicago, Vancouver, Korea, Sweden, London and Uganda. No one should ever take away the right to love. (Source)

guys who act like they don’t know what makeup does in all the “boyfriend does my makeup” videos are so annoying steven you are 25 you know what mascara is

Salt Labyrinth Installations Mimic Cloud Formations And A Maze’s Architecture by Motoi Yamamoto 

Japanese artist Motoi Yamamoto is known for his meticulous and delicate salt labyrinth installations, which appear as a blanket of white thread on the ground. His latest exhibition called “Univer’sel” was created in a 13th-century medieval castle in Aigues-Mortes, located in the south of France.

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Lets see those demons get through that.

I call it the “normieverse”

image / twitter / facebook / patreon

- Allison Meier in Atlas Abscura

me: sends important text that took a lot of guts to send me: immediately turns off wifi, data, the phone itself, my laptop, hides both in a safe, hybernates self for 1.000 years,

i remember in 6th grade public school one of my friends in the class used the word “bungalow” as often as possible and every time he needed to say “house” or “home” he swapped it for “bungalow” and me and the rest of the class thought it was so fucking funny.

so everyone in the class started using it too like saying “I brought my lunch from the bungalow today” or whatever and the teachers HATED IT.

it started getting out of hand when we were learning about the presidents and we often needed to say “the White House” so of course we would say “the White Bungalow” and the teacher was so furious and then there was a ban on the word and if anyone said it they were sent to the office and I remember the kid who started all the bullshit one time got in trouble for something petty like sharing his homework and the teacher said that she was going to call home to him mom and he just stood up and cried out “No, ms_____! Please don’t call home!”

and there was this huge silence because he just raised his voice at the teacher

and then a huge smile spread across his face and he said

“call bungalow instead.”

and I swear the whole class rioted it was amazing

How to Trust Again

1. Recognize the benefits of trusting others, and building some meaningful relationships. If you never let others get close to you, then you’re likely to feel lonely and empty inside.

2. Remember that one person doesn’t have to meet your needs. We can trust different people with aspects of ourselves. Doing that can feel less risky, and a lot less scary.

3. Look at the actions of other people before you decide if you can trust them or not. If they are kind to others and they seem reliable, then it’s likely they will treat you in that same way, too. However, be wary of people who are mean or critical, or who talk about others, or are unpredictable.

4. Give trust slowly – let others prove themselves – and if they seem trustworthy then start to trust them more. Share a few small things before you share some bigger things.

5. Trust yourself to cope if someone lets you down. We’ve all been disappointed and betrayed by other people. Have the confidence to know that you will manage, and survive!!

6. Don’t pressurise yourself to give more than you are able. It is hard to trust others if you’re feeling insecure, or if you’ve been hurt by others, or if trust is threatening. Decide to take it slowly and be patient with yourself.