A little less like my father and more like my dad
Hawke’s first memory is of templars. He’s four. Maybe five. He’s made of limbs and dreams and nothing can shatter them. No tree is too high, no future too big. His world is made of little boys’ magic, and not the magic of men.
He’s in a market. Not the market, because he can’t remember which town or what shop, just a market. The summer sun glints off the blue glass of a child’s bauble, and he wants it as much as a child wants anything. But glass costs coin, and his father explains they don’t have the copper Hawke knows is in his pocket.
It’s not a tantrum - it’s not - it’s just a question. Why not? Why not why not why not, but his father isn’t listening to him, isn’t even looking at him, and so he asks again, a little louder every time until he’s screaming it and his father is dragging him into an alley.
There’s no lecture. No discipline. No cuffing, pinching, or spanking. His father smothers him - one giant sweaty hand swallowing up his face and all his protests. Shut up, Malcolm snarls, and in that moment he is Malcolm and not father and Malcolm is mad and so Hawke shut ups.
He sits in that alley, suffering, suffocating, his father’s bulk hunched over him while a procession of templars marches past. More than anything, Hawke remembers their swords. The rattle of metal in wooden sheaths, the sunbursts emblazoned on their hilts, the idle hands that finger them. He hates those hands because he can’t hate the one on his mouth.