sorry i was so weird but you invoked a topic i am incapable of being normal about

Chatty catty.

She has OPINIONS  and CONVICTIONS but no THOUGHTS

Help the evil scientist who strapped me to the dissection table is definitely fruity and frustratingly attractive

hey I wonder what happens if I put powdered milk into carbonated water

my cereal is loud and it's demanding to know why I would sin against both nature and god so thoughtlessly

...how does it taste?

bad

the fizz comes from carbonic acid in the water splitting up into CO₂ and H₂O over time. And carbonic acid is – as an acid – sour.

By adding milk to sour water you've created a very convincing emulation of spoiled milk, so I'll believe in a heartbeat that the taste is Not Great™.

I have mastered the potion: Instant Spoiled Milk, therefore earning the rank of shittiest alchemist currently alive.

Using tumblr is like living in a low class apartment building. You just get used to the landlord not fixing things, and then someone new moves in and you're helpfully like "oh yeah don't drink the tap water, it's got stuff in it that makes you sick" and then your neighbor you've had forever goes "oh they took the stuff out actually" and you're like "what? when was this?"

"like two years ago"

"you mean i could've been drinking the tap water all this time?"

"yeah. they gave us individual mailboxes too finally, you don't have to dig through the communal bin anymore"

"are you for real right now?? i just redirected my mail, i didnt know"

and the new tennant is like "why did you guys even live here if it was so bad"

"we like it."

"I kinda miss the communal mail bin tho"

"the perpetually naked guy got evicted though"

"i know, so sad. he was really gross"

"i mean, his cousin streaks through the commons sometimes and knocks on all the doors"

"oh yeah, hate that guy"

New Person: I just saw this weird guy in the lobby in a really creepy anthropomorphic Pikachu costume??????

Old Resident: yeah we have no idea where that guy came from. We've left messages with maintenance 'bout 'im but-

Other Old Resident: just don't make eye contact and you should be fine.

what am i smiling at ? the made up scenarios of course

Conservatives accidentally doing this never gets old

based

dont any of you dare forget this gem i quote this daily

Extremely well played

ok im gonna need every pennsylvanian on tumblr to start charging up your JO crystals NOW. were gonna need a state wide resonance powerful enough to topple GOD if Senator Xehanort is going to stand a chance against Dr Oz in the 2022 pennsylvania senate elections

ok ok for everyone wondering.

THIS is Senator Xehanort

and yes, he is running against Dr Oz from the tv show. who is being sponsored by donald trump

i thought this post was a joke but it's not.

This… is a Dad Meme.

This is the only good comment on this entire waste of a post

illustration of me making my dad listen to lemon demon in the car

There are easier ways to come out to your parents

50 Shades of Takei

So, I tried to read “50 Shades of Grey” this weekend, but every time Anastasia said “Oh My” (which was like, 2-3 times PER PAGE), I couldn’t help but imagine George Takei saying “Oh Myyyyyy”. By page 12, I imagined everything Anastasia said was said in George Takei’s voice. By page 15, I just imagined George Takei was Anastasia. I had to give up somewhere around page 17, because Christian has started to sound and look like William Shatner/Captain Kirk circa ST:TOS, and after that, I imagined everyone wearing Enterprise uniforms, and there was no way the story was going come back from that. 

I didn’t even make it to any of the sex scenes. 

Hey me and the other horrors beyond comprehension are going out, want us to get you anything?

Can you grab me a ፈ̶̡̧̤͖͈͓̆͌̄̿͘͘͘Ꮒ̸̨̪͖̩̇̈̒̇͛̾̕͝͠Ꮧ̵̢̨̺͇̌̄̓̊̓̕͠͝Ꮭ̴̨̢̛̞̼̳̐̾͐̎͑̌̈́Ꮼ̸̫̟̬̔͐͆͆͆̚ͅᎮ̸͓̤̃̓͝Ꮧ̸̩̦́̃̋̄͘?

What flavor?

Nacho, if they've got it.

a group of mystery-solving teens break into my wizard tower and—after a series of whimsical and spooky hijinks—manage to tie me up and say “alright gang, time to see who’s really behind this ugly ‘evil wizard’ mask,” and then they pull on my face and i go “ow…”

Would you like Krongus to remove the teens from the premises

jeepers. just throw em in the pit

Which pit?

The tower possesses 3 pits

the—the death pit, obviously

Krongus is unsure of the morality of condemning the teenagers to the death pit

would you do it for a krongy snack