Miscarriage bottled up
On March 1st in the middle of the night I woke up, rushed to the bathroom because I felt like I was peeing my pants. When I sat on the toilet and looked down I couldn't believe it was I still dreaming? Was I imagining what was happening. I grabbed a pad from the bottom cabinet put it on and walked back to my bedroom where my husband was laying down watching tik toks on his phone. He asked me if I was okay. I calmly said I am bleeding... I am bleeding a lot. We both were in shock we knew what this meant I was having a miscarriage. I was diagnosed with a miscarriage 4 days prior to this. I was scheduled to have a D&C on March 3rd. My husband quickly grabbed his keys and a me and we rushed to the hospital. Once at the front desk I said “I think I am having a miscarriage” the look of the two women at the front desk made me want to cry but I kept it together. They gave me extra mesh underwear but I was bleeding so much, right through everything. I finally got a room, I felt the blood and the blood clots coming out... Before they hooked me up I asked them if i could stand and use the bathroom because I felt like there was so much blood. I sat on the toilet and blood just coming out. As the day went on my doctor came and we set up the emergency surgery. Everyone was so nice and understanding. I didn't cry not once. But as soon as I went home the tears never stopped that week. I was in pain physically and mentally. I could not understand why this happened to me, us. I kept to together in front of friends and family so much so that after 2 weeks it seemed like nothing happened. Every-night since March 1st i have cried. I felt like a failure andI questioned God. The world goes on but this feeling never goes away. I look at the pregnancy announcements and get instantly sad, thinking that was going to be me soon. I open my closet and I see the little outfit I had bought and my heart breaks. Everyone tells me that i am not alone and that this happened for a reason but in all honestly that doesn't help one bit.