🍍Amanda🍍

I wonder if we ever think about each other at the same time

Abusive parents and abusers in general love to pretend that their every action is only because of something you did. They will throw a whole tantrum at you and then in the end attack you as if you did that, as if you somehow forced them into their abusive behaviour. Abusers will convince you that it’s you who controls their behaviour, and not them, as if their every word and move is “what you wanted” or “what you provoked” and ultimately, a consequence of your actions.

The truth is complete opposite. People cannot be provoked into abusing someone, and people don’t throw tantrums, hatred, guilt and accusations because their actions are controlled by someone else, they do it to gain control of someone else. Literally the part of their control is to convince you that it’s you controlling them, and not the reverse. So that not only you would get extremely self-conscious about your every word towards them, tiptoe around them and try thousand different approaches to get them to be nice, but when they inevitably snap and lash out at you and throw hatred and abuse at you, you will blame yourself, think you haven’t done good enough, and that’s exactly what they want. You end up taking responsibility for both your actions and theirs, while they take responsibility for absolutely nothing, and keep you so helpless, desperate and confused, they can pretty much do with you whatever they want.

Do not ever believe when another human being is telling you that their disgusting behaviour is because of you, and not their free will to act like a disgusting piece of shit. There is no human on this earth who does horrible, controlling, deprecating and cruel things repeatedly because they were “provoked”, they do it because they fucking want to! And afterwards they accuse others of “provocation” as a fucking excuse to do it more! To be disgusting and cruel is literally the goal here, and blaming you is just a cherry on top, so they can get away with it, and repeat it at their leisure.

Abusers choose to abuse and do it out of their free will, every single time. No matter what you do, the other person could have chosen to react as a kind, understanding and decent person and not a fucking spoiled, rage-throwing, guilt-tripping, non-understanding, aggressive huge ass baby, and yet this is what they chose, and in the end they add “oh and this is all your fault actually now sit down and think about what you made me do” like it’s victim’s time to reflect on why abuser is a fucking narcissist. It’s all lies! You do not have to think for a second what made them do it, they themselves decided to do it. They could have done literally anything else and nobody was stopping them. All you need to think about is how to get to a life where nobody, no person on the planet, could do this to you and get away with it. Nobody on the planet is worth enough to step all over you.

Richa Gill (@RiichaG_)

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