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Playing the Puppeteer

@puppeteerunderground-blog / puppeteerunderground-blog.tumblr.com

Tactician Aster's Undertale blog. There may be sightings of a very bad batter however, be warned.
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Anonymous asked:

Comparing people to video games... I can't believe you. These are people who thought you actually cared. People who trusted you, and were only worried when you disappeared because they weren't sure if you were alright or not. Even saying a simple "I'm fine, just don't want to talk" would have been fine. But instead you treated everyone like objects. You've hurt them so badly... I want to be mad about it but I just... can't be. I hope you learn from this and have a good life.

It’s not like it’s something I do on purpose, otherwise I’d just stop. Every single friend I’ve had in my life was temporary because of how often I moved and the fact that I wasn’t even allowed any social media until I was into my teens. It’s like right now I love all the kids in Persona 5 so much and want to see them so I play the game every day, but then… stop. If I can’t see people in real life on a regular basis, you’re like those characters to my mind. I don’t want my brain to auto pilot shit like that, but it happens and I’ve only just realized it.

So while I know it’s shitty and I’m a shitty person for cutting people off because of it, I’d rather do that and be everyone’s villain than continue making excuses and forcing myself to do something that drains me so much. My stress levels have gone down so much since I did this and it's selfish and kind of fucked up, but it's been the healthiest thing I've done for myself for a long time.I tend to reach out to people who are having a bad day on anon to try and cheer them up and then end up feeling bad when they think I don't really care because of the anonymity. Then I come off anon to make them feel better and then... well, most of you have been on the opposite side of this, so.There's an extra level of cruelty towards my old RP partners, who I had honestly developed feelings beyond video game characters towards, but I still felt so fake trying to keep in contact with. As much as I love the idea of long distance friendships, I don't think I'm made to keep more than a couple at a time, no matter how much I want to be everyone's friend. Bottom line, I'm an ass, I know I'm the bad guy, I know I did a shitty thing, and I do feel bad, but I can't really regret it when I've improved so much since I made this decision, and I can't help the way I feel about people.

#I don't know how to read more on mobile#sorry you all have to see me in the bloody confessional#I'm a dick#talk to at your own risk
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I just realized a little while ago that there are only two long distance friends that I don’t have the same feelings for that I do my favorite video games. I love them, want to take care of them, enjoyed my experiences with them, but… I get coldly and horribly bored of them and try to shelve them like my Tales collection. Still love and think fondly of them often, but too lazy to pick up communication and find things too predictable.

They, YOU if you’re one of my Internet friends, don’t have boring lives or anything, and I don’t speak to people who aren’t boring or mean or rude, but everything is too predictable for my brain. There’s no serendipity anymore, not that’s mentioned. The only time I want to contact people is when I have a desire for that personality type.

Even now I kind of have the urge to go talk to someone I haven’t in ages, even if I’ve been a jerk to them. I just have the desire to wrap myself in their personality and troubles like I would a Dragon Age relationship. I pour ludicrous amounts of love and/or effort into people like I do games, and then I put them on the shelf to look at and enjoy at my leisure. It’s not fair to everyone involved.

People worry about my silence, and while sometimes it’s anxiety, it’s not the anxiety over talking to people. I get anxious over the feeling of obligation. I feel obligated to speak to them, because some part of my brain still realizes that there are real people on the other side. But I think I’ve accidentally turned that part of my brain off. Around October? I stopped feeling obligated to text people I don’t see in person.

I think I should stop using social media. I’m tired of hurting and hurting others, and I don’t have the right kind of energy to keep up with many people.

I’m sorry, Andy. And Cherrie. And Ari. And Alex. And Jen. And Pieter. And- and wow, I have a lot of people to say goodbye too. Logan and Tai, Music, Keye, and everyone on Discord. Marc who’s probably better off without me to be honest. Pikku who I really owe so much more than this. Honestly wouldn’t have the nerve to do it without the confidence boosts though.

Those two people I mentioned at the start will probably be the only ones who will hear from me again to be honest. Would it be rude to tag a few people so they see this, or…? Eh, I only have a couple followers.

@godsgamefreak @onecattrashcatband @pikkus-playhouse @fuocoviverna @gantzgun74 @psych0rabbit

Not gonna do this again; giving love and friendship then ripping it away again. It’s cruel, I know, but I can’t keep this up.

#Kam and Xave are good and that's about it#probably because I haven't pressed more feelings than I have onto them#I'll delete this blog eventually too#Goodbye
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reblogged
comelysun-blog
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shelbys-advice-blog

Calming masterpost:

crisis/urgent support lines and sites

relaxation/anxiety relief

the quiet place project

music and sounds

comfort food

advice and tips

videos and movies

distractions etc

extras

Calming songs, playlists and instrumentals:

Calming/distracting Websites

Crafts and activities, easy and fun DYI projects

What to do when:

Meditation and breathing

Simple things

Make Something!

Other Nice Things

Calming/Relaxing Music:

  • Soft Piano: x, x, x, x, x
  • The Sound of Waves: x
  • The Sound of a Storm + Waves: x
#because I think we all need it#even if I'm never online
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