wow hello uh ive been locked out of this account sadly and im only on because of my old ipod, i thought id let you guys know ive moved to a new blog, @softlane so if you want to keep up with me im there!!

existing is exhausting 

DO NOT KISS A GIRL  WHEN SHES MAD i am so tired of media portraying this as a good way to end an argument okie when ur partner is mad and yelling at u do not just kiss them to shut them up and make up okie how about u just fucking listen to your partner when theyre trying to tell u somethign

Self care is using 7 bath bombs at once then chugging the bathwater and astral projecting into the nearest alternate dimension lush store to fight the glittery avocado-scented version of urself that actually has their shit together

Me: *immediately forgives someone for their hurtful behavior towards me*

Me, later: actually, you know fucking what,,

me: *meets someone new*

in my head: *slot machine rolling what kind of personality i should present to this one*

having handled marine animals I can assure you that there’s nothing sexy about tentacles

Where do baby octopuses come from then Oh… wait… noooo

in some species, a male octopus will rip off a specialized sperm-carrying tentacle and just… hand it to a female

“here. take this. use it well.”

unclefather:

buzzfeed headline idea: “The Founding Fathers Were Neither Woke Nor Bae.”

garfield was always talking about food instead of sex……dare i say hes asexual?

he’s the queer aroace representation we’ve always wanted

hes so brave and so fucking orange

lets not forget this gem

cant believe we’re leaving out this

and more importantly this

interesting how you forgot 

and

ok but

and

hmmm and perhaps

and these ones too

I’m not sure how you managed to forget this gem:

My aesthetic: when you take off your glasses on a highway and all the lights go soft and smudged, a trail of amber behind you like a quiet afterthought

My aesthetic: keeping my own glasses on so I can see the road and not die

“Oh shit he can fly now”