maybe you MILLENIALS would be able to afford a house if you stopped spending your money at your local diner’s jukebox buying twenty one (21) plays of what’s new pussycat with one (1) play of it’s not unusual in the middle
Where has this been all my life?
Jane living in 3047 while us suckers are living in 2018
Good thing it’s 2018 and literally no one just stops by anymore
me because it’s march 2018 and i still gotta hear shape of you by ed sheeran
you ever just get in bed and ur like yep this is where i’m meant to be
Meryl Streep in Mamma Mia really was living the best life- owned a hotel on a beautiful Greek island, singing sweet ABBA bops, had a history of dicking down so many hot dudes she wasn’t sure which handsome, tone-deaf, middle-aged man was her kid’s dad.
what a life.
“you’re so polite!” thank you i have anxiety
im not a complicated person. a funny ape picture here, a little pee joke there, maybe even a silly sound… that’s enough for me to have a good time
Why my parents so old and stupid fuck off
“Honor your father and your mother”
“Gargle my dick and balls”
Kurt Vonnegut (via quotemadness)
me: im tired
Someone in walmart: NOT as tired as our TROOPS!
honestly 2017 has been such a ride that the pentagon just admitted they had a ufo department and the head of it says they found aliens and I’m just like “hm. okay I guess”
the 70s was an incredibly horny decade, largely due to the music of its day. if you’ve ever heard queen abba or electric light orchestra you’ll understand why the youth were balls to the wall and wore hideous clothing not only without shame but with hubris. in this essay i will
You know i just reblogged this but im reblogging again to say i keep looking at baby jesus with the lighter and cackling madly because i love this so much
this makes me laugh every year
why do 90% of all medicines sound like cool wizard names
it is i, Zyrtec the allmighty,
you are no match for Xanax the Wise
viagra