The One Who Has it All

Gervais unleashed

Was walking through my mom's house to borrow my dad's drill when I saw my 11yo niece watching me with an odd expression.

"You wanna help me build the catio?"

Her eyes lit up, then she looked disappointed. "But I'm a girl..."

I rolled my eyes. "Do I look like I care?"

That must have been the right response because she jumped up and chattered excitedly as I showed her how to use a tape measure, a drill, etc. We spent all day building and she had a brilliant smile the whole time. After the tenth declaration of this being the best day in her life, I said,

"Gotta love that sweet sweet serotonin!"

She immediately started giggling, "What does that meeeeaan??"

Anyway, she had an amazing time building with me and acted like I had given her a solstice gift when I said she could paint it and that I'd take her to the hardware store to pick out hardware. She's never been to a hardware store before and I love being the weird knowledgeable uncle who has weird pets always keeps fruit and pistachios in the house.

Update: While I was at the store I found a 53 piece around the house tool kit in bright purple, so of course I bought it for her. Her face when I gave it to her was priceless and she actually gasped. She's going to "make all the stuff"

Are we going to talk about the “but I’m a girl.”? Where did she get that? Did someone teach her that? Who is it? I’m ready to kill for that cutie.

She learned it from her dead father

I'm just gonna assume you killed him for his blatant sexism

I was across state lines and in the presence of three witnesses at the time of his death. I have receipts timestamped. My alibi is solid.

A good one. At last.

quantum mechanics is so fucking absurd

electrons be like “i am going to disobey all laws of probability and classical mechanics, unless you attempt to perceive me in which case i will behave exactly in the ways you just disproved”

disgusting. please act like a person

*someone asks me to do something in my job, where i am paid to do things*

Parents be like that’s my emotional support eldest daughter

parents be like that’s the third parent in the family, my eldest daughter

parents be like that’s my parent, my eldest daughter

I have never laughed so hard in my fucking life.

i cant breath

the difference between ‘i’m 17’ and ‘i was born in 2002’ is night and day my dude bc if u tell me ‘i’m 17’ i’m fine but if u tell me you’re from 2002 then shouldn’t ya be wearing diapers rn

Following professional art tutorials like…

i crACKED UP

wonguy974 on ig