‼️LOOK AT HIM‼️

Is it even possible to go to bed wearing a tank top and not wake up with at least one titi out?

being an adult is just… calling people that’s literally it… just calling people you don’t want to call about problems you don’t want to have to be solving.. it’s disgusting

Nobody seems to remeber that time in 2016 where we literally had clowns chase us with knives and we didn’t do anything

I’m going to be blunt with you Mr. Car Salesman, may I call you Mr. Car Salesman? I don’t care how fast it goes, or how many horse souls you encased in the engine, I only care about the horn. Now please stop talking so I can hear this bad boy beep.

someone: quit bouncing your leg me: hesitates but continues to lowkey bounce my leg

You need.. you need to unmute…

I’ve waited too long to find this gem again!

This is perfection 😂

nearly the end of april.. you know what that means 

this is an advanced joke

Volcanoes just sleep for 10,000 years, wake up really mad, get everything out, and then fall asleep for another 10,000 years

a waitress could slit my throat and I’d still tip 15% i dont know how her day’s been yknow?

i hear your responses and i just wanna say obviously i usually tip at least 20 like im not an animal. but to be completely fair she did kill me 

Tip for marathon: take three step, A celebrate it! Do again until complete 26 mile! Very easy, donot forget hoorays!

i love myself but i dont love me back

i have never ever related to anything so fucking hard

sometimes i watch youtube videos and halfway through i’m like you know what i don’t care and then i close it