Hey y'all, have a joke my partner just came up with:

What do you call getting beaten to death with a fishing rod?

An assault with a dadly weapon.

I’m so used to interacting with 10-11 year old boys from my years at camp that today I accidentally fell into my counselor setting and started having absurd arguments with a middle schooler about how sneaky I was.

“I’m very sneaky,” I said. “I’m level 12 at sneaking. I’m a black belt. When I was 16 I got my sneaker’s license but had to take the test three times because I was so sneaky the judges didn’t realize I was there. No one is as sneaky as I am. They’ll let you get your sneaker’s permit at 15 but you’re still too young to legally sneak, and by telling me how sneaky you are, I’m legally obligated to report you to the sneaking police for underage sneaking. It’s part of the Sneaker’s Code of Conduct.”

“There aren’t any Sneaking Police,” he said.

“That’s what you think,” I replied. “But watch out. They’ll sneak up on ya.”

Then he told me that I wasn’t sneaky enough to sneak away from him. He forgot about this boast a moment later and turned his head, at which point I bolted and heard him shriek his frustration at my having snuck off.

“When I was 16 I got my sneaker’s license but had to take the test three times because I was so sneaky the judges didn’t realize I was there.”

That’s my favorite bit. It reminds me of this little exchange:

“...I understand, Havelock, that you scored zero in your examination for stealthy movement.”

“May I ask how you found that out, Madam?”

“Oh, one hears things,” Madam said lightly. “One just has to hold money up to one’s ear.”

“Well, it was true,” said the Assassin.

“And why was this?”

“The examiner thought I’d used trickery, Madam.”

“And did you?”

“Of course. I thought that was the idea.”

“And you never attended his lessons, he said.”

“Oh, I did. Religiously.”

“He says he never saw you at any of them.”

Havelock smiled. “And your point, Madam, is…?”

Excerpt From

Night Watch

Terry Pratchett

https://books.apple.com/us/book/night-watch/id360601020

This material may be protected by copyright.

do you suppose Lord Veterinarian enjoyed lying to children

Your conversation with that kid is just verbatim what once happened with Vetinari and Young Sam.

btw go and chibify yourself, it’s so cute

azasona

actual aza

the entirety of moominvalley said be gay do crime  (based on this template)

i do not except constructive criticism

excuse me moominmamma explicitly commits murder in the comics 

but was she wrong?

oh, you’re right, she was just trying to feed her family. carry on 

the entirety of moominvalley said be gay do crime  (based on this template)

i do not except constructive criticism

excuse me moominmamma explicitly commits murder in the comics 

this startled the cat so badly she woke up from deep sleep and yelled back

I don’t think I ever posted the full comic where moomin straight up confesses he likes snufkin but “one doesn’t say it”, a problem he’s never had with snorkmaiden or anyone else before. I think about this constantly. and the thought of snufkin purposely leaving flower trails behind all so moomin can find him is so cute.

note the decorative borders that seem to emote based on the events unfolding as well, it’s one of my favorite things from the moomin comics

Guys this was legitimately a stepping stone in my Gay Awakening, my mom owns all the comics.

Thingumy and Bob, or Tofslan and Vifslan, are characters based on Tove Jansson and her girlfriend at the time, Vivica. The ruby in the suitcase they’re so protective of being a metaphor for their same-gender love being kept secret in a time where being gay was still illegal in Finland. 

It’s worth noting that even though Tofslan and Vifslan were deathly afraid of her, the Groke isn’t a villain. She’s actually a manifestation of Tove’s loneliness and yearns for warmth herself.

They look exactly like us. They think like us. They know where we are. We need to move and keep moving. They won’t stop until they kill us… or we kill them. Us (2019) dir. Jordan Peele

“The performances [in ‘Us’] are uniformly fantastic, but I was most impressed by Wright and Nyong’o, both delivering distinct and completely unique work. Nyong’o gives a masterclass in acting in dual roles and is almost unrecognizable as her doppelgänger persona. Not only does she take on an entirely different voice, but her posture, movements and facial expressions are a different individual entirely. At times, I had to remind myself that this was the same woman; that’s just how good she is.” 

— Yolanda Machado, writer for ‘TheWrap’

god I hate john lennon so much and whenever I see that fucking photo of his hairy br*tish ass naked and clinging on to yoko ono like a bald fucking chimp I throw up in my fuckin mouth

this is very callous and cold of me but when I learned that he abandoned his wife and son Jude just so he could go fuck yoko ono, straight up stopped talking to his son because he kinda didnt want him anymore, and then left his inheritance and royalties solely with Yoko while his ex-wife and son struggled with near poverty I was happy he got merced by that one dude in an alley. It really broke my heart to hear that the other members of the band wrote Hey Jude while John partied

fucker was so self absorbed with himself and preached about his bullshit hippie “what if we, like, not fought?” philosophy and anti-materialism yet its widely known now that he was a complete fraud who was insanely greedy and arrogant. Im glad hes dead and cant make any more shitty music and fuck every yuppie who defends him with rose-tinted glasses

i got curious reading this post if this was true and boy howdy it is actually so much worse! this is all just from the surface-level wikipedia article on john lennon, btw; i have no doubt you could find worse stuff if you dug.

He beat his girlfriends and became possessive of them, cheated on women, nearly strangled a woman to death in a drunken stupor only to be restrained by a roadie, and was a violent homophobe and an anti-semite who threatened to blackmail his gay jewish friend, and before I only knew about the whole abandoning-Julian thing

anybody who SERIOUSLY tries to defend his actions by saying “he changed music!” and “his words inspired generations of revolutionaries and the counter-culture!” or “everyone has a darker side” need to get their ass kicked. This man was a monster and a fraud, and he needs to be remembered as such rather than this bullshit messianic figure that the music industry made him out to be

Me getting ready for another bout of comic fuckboys jacking it to another Joker movie that tries to paint him as a victim of circumstance and act like hes not a child murderer

me watching yall reply to this with ur fuck boy tears cause someone doesnt like ur fav and yall edgy fucks really think that good writing is eyeliner, domestic abuse, and gratuitous violence. 

I mean a character can have an interesting tragic past that explains how they got that way and still be........ unquestionably Bad