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Peta: Trust me, I know how you feel. And it sucks when your heart and head try to tell you different things. I don't blame you for taking a vacation though. You need to try and relax and clear your head. But I know that's hard too. I was rooting for you two. I really wanted to see you two get married. You were the only one I thought was good enough for him and I still will.
Peta: He's being a Chmerkovskiy and yes, I love them. But he's being stupid right now. Well apparently Mama C is making him keep a food diary cause he hasn't been eating. I'm worried about him. I've never seen him like this and he says he's being sensible but no he's being stupid. And yeah I can say that. bff privileges. He thinks he's doing what's best. But I told him that if you're losing friends because of your decision to be together, then they weren't your true friends to begin with.
Shay: I didn't really take a vacation, at least not at the time it wasn't that to me. It was running away. I was fleeing LA to run away from my problems. And the pain I was feeling knowing that it's really over this time. He's never coming back to me, Peta. I don't know why my heart won't grasp that. It feels like he's left all over again every time I wake up without him. When I go home and he's not there it'll just hurt even worse. The thought of never being with him again makes me not want to come home, but I know I have to. I thought about coming back tomorrow but I can't. I hate myself for being so upset, I hate myself for being this way. Every hour of every minute of every day, he's all I can think about. And it hurts. I get tired when I cry but I still can't sleep, and I cry all the time. I cry when I wake up and remember it's over. I cry when someone mentions Nutella for god sake. And then people think I'm nuts. I literally hate myself for it. I keep holding on because I can't let go. I try so hard but I can't do it. And I know he has. He's let go already and he's over it. He's fine. But me...I'm this. I'm a wreck. I'm not even sure what to do with myself. I can't fight anymore, Peta. I'm so tired. Literally. I can't sleep without him and I'm just so exhausted. I miss him kicking me and talking in his sleep. When most people would find it annoying as hell, I don't. I miss it. Or when I roll over and lay my head on his chest, and I hear his heartbeat. It's soothing. It was. It always made me fall asleep that much easier. Now I don't know what to do. It feels like my heart isn't whole anymore.
Shay: Good. She should. But that doesn't mean he's really eating. He doesn't know what's best for me, only I know. You're right. If they were true friends they wouldn't walk out of my life because of that. They didn't walk away though, they were just picking a fight because they wanted to get through to me. I don't care what they said, or what they will say. To me, all that matters is him. How I feel about him and how I know him to be. Not everyone else /thinks/ they know about him. I know he's not how everyone says he is. He just let them get to him and I can't say I don't do the same when people say stuff about me. But then I remember they don't know me like I know me. He should think about that. He said he never let anyone get to him before, he shouldn't start now. He's far too good for that. But I guess if he says it's over, then it's over.
