Oh, honey, no

So I just finished watching ‘The Book Of Boba Fett’… shut up, i like to enjoy the anticipation…. and one thing this does really well is explain a lot about the last three movies. Luke, specifically. 

Because Luke in TBOBF is just… he’s trying, he’s really trying, bless his cotton socks, but he is straight up garbage at this. Two things specifically are so apparent, so quickly, and they just… it all makes sense now.

1. Luke has absolutely no idea how to handle children. None,. He’s clearly never even babysat. Not even once. I’m pretty confident that this is a man who’s never even had a pet. He makes young Obi-Wan trying to handle a cranky child in Phantom Menace look like Father of the Year, he’s that bad. He’s trying to train a toddler the same way he was trained when he was a young adult. No wonder he messed up so badly with Ben. This man should never, under any circumstances, have been left alone with a child without some instruction.

2. Luke does not seem to understand that he was trained on 3X Fast Forward Because There Is A War On. He got a high-speed crash course on Basic High Points from Yoda who knew he could drop dead of old age at any moment and did not have time to coddle this guy, Yoda, who let us not forget had quite possibly never trained an Adult Beginner in his ENTIRE LIFE and was just trying to give him the important stuff as fast as possible. So Luke’s internalized his High Speed Extremely Basic Training as How Jedi Training Is Done, and he’s attempting to replicate it with a confused and traumatized toddler. Just… why. Honey, WHY. 

I wanted to hit Ahsoka with a stick. She had real training! She had the knowledge Luke clearly desperately needs! And she just… y’know… wandered off and left him to it.

I mean, nobody can blame Grogu at this point for the decision he makes. Grogu is sat down and told he has to make a Permanent Life Decision AS A TODDLER (look, I know it’s a Lone Wolf And Cub tribute, I got that, but still). So he has his little think and the basic information Grogu has at this point is ‘I am presented with a choice between two well-meaning anxiety-riddled idiots who know nothing about children, one of whom loves me, protects me, even removed his helmet for me which was a big deal, and the other of whom is THIS GUY who keeps trying to make me remember bad things and never cuddles me ever’.

Grogu may be a toddler, but he’s not stupid.

This Luke is directly on track for being a Bitter Hermit Who Failed At Restarting The Jedi. He’s crap at his job, he’s getting no help at all, and his first student just toddled out of the temple metaphorically shouting ‘later, loser, I’mma be a Mandalorian’. It all makes sense now, it really does. 

Yet another reason to reject Disney Modernity and embrace EU Tradition. Yes I will take carte blanche warcrime free passes (thanks Kyp Durron) over what Disney has done to the setting.

A tiny devil vitrified in a prism of glass. In the 18th century, the Imperial Treasury of Vienna attested that this was a real demon which had been trapped in glass during an exorcism in Germany a century earlier. ⁣From the Kunsthistorisches Museum Collection, Vienna.⁣

Item: a tiny devil vitrified in a prism of glass (with signed affidavit of attested authenticity)

‘Myths and Legends of Ancient Slavs’, Illustration by N. Bukanova, 2007

The sun is probably the closest thing we’ll ever have to a true Eldritch Abomination. Hear me out here-

Source See more facts HERE

ultrafacts:

mY CHILDHOOD FEAR WAS A GAME LIKE THIS

There is also one called “Clocky”, an alarm clock that runs away and hides if you don’t get out of bed on time. When the alarm sounds you can snooze one time. If you still don’t wake up, Clocky will jump off of the bedside table, and wheel away, mindlessly bumping into objects until he finds a spot to rest. You’ll have to get up and out of bed to silence his alarm. Clocky will find new spots everyday, kind of like a hide-and-seek game.

The Drill Sergeant Alarm Clock will continue to insult you from one of the 10 phrases stored in the clock until you wake up.

This alarm clock wakes you up with bacon

The Smash Alarm Clock. You literally smash the top to shut it off.

The Flying Alarm Clock. Once the alarm sounds, the helicopter flies away and the only way to shut it off is to return it back to it’s base.

The Target Alarm Clock. As soon as the alarm rings you have to aim and fire the laser gun. Once you hit the bullseye the alarm will shut off.

Mr Bump allows you to physically throw your alarm clock against the wall to turn it off in the morning.

Never knew there was an alarm clock fandom until today

powermove: getting ALL of those alarm clocks and set it to wake you up in the same time

Fun fact, clocky starts ringing before he runs from you, giving your half asleep self time to catch it and snooze it. My subconscious learned to do this. Clocky didn’t work for me.

Always use the white gun by the alarm clock.

Not the black gun in the nightstand.

But if the gun in the nightstand’s been tarted up with a Cerakote finish, things might get a bit confusing. It’ll still turn the alarm off, though…

:-P

And will almost certainly still help you wake up.

Even grittier historical drama Cruella where she attempts to raze the kingdom of Dalmatia due to some personal aristocratic grudge.

In the early tenth century, mercenaries under the command of Drusillia of Friuli staged an attack on the Dalmatian Islands but were repulsed by the Dalmatians and the aid of the displaced Saxon warlord Hrodger and his consort Anna. The story of Drusilla and the “Hundred Dalmatians,” referring to the many islands of Dalmatia, was passed down into local folklore. The Friulan “Drusilla d’Il Friûl” or Croation “Drusilja Furlanija” were eventually corrupted into English as “Cruella De Vil.” The confusion in the English-speaking world between the historical territory and the breed of dog became widespread by the Regency period, and the Saxon involvement was of great interest to English writers. “The witch Cruella de Villa defeated by a hundred Dalmatian dogs led by the Englishman Rodger” appears in a late nineteenth century English folktale collection.

The historical Drusillia’s raid on Dalmatia seems to have been spurred by a dispute over control of a fur trade pipeline that led from the north of the Alps to Dalmatia. A version of the legend discovered in a fifteenth-century Croatian prose manuscript claims that Drusillia’s widowed mother Katharina of Friuli was murdered by Illyrian pirates, and that Drusillia’s brothers Horatius and Gasparus did not adequately seek recompense. A thirteenth-century history of Friuli written in Latin mentions the raid of Drusillia and her husband Gasparus against the warlord Bornaus rex dalmatiae, elsewhere referred to in the manuscript as Bogdanus dalmatiae. It is believed that this “Borna” or “Bogdan” king of Dalmatia was received in English as “Pongo of the Dalmatians.”

Item: Ludwig’s Gritty Magenta Substance

What award do you think Ludwig won for this

This is a Vancian Spell Name if I've ever heard one.

Wizard’s spellbooks for spells levelled 1-3, 4-6, and 7-9.

[image id: a black-and-white photo of the spines of three fancy books. The left most one is labeled "Fuckery," in the middle is "Advanced Fuckery," and on the right is "Super Advanced Fuckery."]

if you ever feel bad about your writing, especially structure-wise, remember: you’re still not the one who put “somehow, palpatine has returned” into a multimillion dollar franchise produced by one of the greediest and richest corporations on earth. you’ll always be better than that one.

Told @shinraco that she should code her discord bot to respond to all mentions of Fullmetal Alchemist by repeating “Fullmetal Alchemist” like the commercial breaks and she ended up having to shoot the bot dead just to stop what we’d created

the full saga….

let her speak!!

Apparently “what ho!” is a corruption of Beowulf’s “hwaet!”?? 

Now need a P.G. Wodehouse translation of Beowulf.

What ho! Have you heard of these chaps, Dashed good fellows with a spear and whatnot–

What-ho! You are no doubt familiar with a certain strain of Danish chappie—your good Jutlander, or in point of fact, the Spear-Dane—and with more examples than I need to relate of the sort of thing they and their chieftains used to get up to.

But to take a single exemplar of the breed—what Gussie might call a type specimen, were we discussing newts, as we generally are when Gussie has come to the metrop.—consider a cove who was called Shield, the Spear-Dane being even keener on simple descriptive appellations than the average Etonian, and Son of Sheaf, said cove being a foundling and rather short on surnames.

Despite this unpropitious beginning, this Shield Sheafsson, as he grew up, graduated from knocking blighters off of barstools to permitting them to retain their seats and, once word had spread around the Baltic of the size and bellicosity of his fellows, raking in the ready for this favor. An all-round good sort and a good king, was the Danes’ verdict.

Yeah