Does Anybody Hear Her?

Yes! I am a 4th grade teacher and it’s my third year at my current school. Things are crazy, school politics are always insane regardless of where you work, but I love who I work with as well as my 21 little buggers (students, okay?).

It’s good to have work as a distraction, in fact I am the picture of happiness and humor at work.

I do still see my therapist that I was seeing when I was posting consistently. She is a godsend and has truly saved me. We get into very intense and deep topics that go beyond whatever I am dealing with in that moment. It’s difficult but also good.

My mental health is up in the air right now.

For the entirety of December and around half of January I was in a constant state of crisis - severely depressed, binge eating, not showering, so much screaming and crying, intense suicidal ideation. Chronic pain and fatigue. So much heaviness.

Medication was raised. My psychiatrist is now seeing me twice a month instead of once. My therapist tries hard to get me a second appointment during the week. It’s…a lot.

Right now it’s very hard for me to describe how I am feeling. My session on Thursday was mostly centered on how I don’t have the words right now. I almost relapsed last Sunday night due to my inability to express how I feel.

Whatever is going on with me currently is not good. But it’s difficult to exactly explain why.

That wasn’t a great answer, sorry 🤦🏻‍♀️

June 7th, 2015.