🍓strawb🍓

wouldn’t it be funny if mary magdalene was like i hang out with dudes because it’s less drama and then all that happened

Remember in 2010 when Taio Cruz said "I throw my hands up in the air sometimes"? I appreciated his restraint. You can't just throw your hands up in the air whenever. There's a time and a place, and that time was 2010, and the place was the club.

cats would be so fucking upset if they understood they were missing out on the ability to lie verbally

I found the greatest reaction set:

@cousin-possum-kc you get back here and share with the class

sentient fluffy rug

when you try to get into the png nightclub but you see the dotted rectangle surrounding the bouncer stretch him wider to block the entrance cus ur not on his clipboard

"i wish i could exfoliate my brain" you can. by reading things that challenge you.

Me, after forgetting to cut the top off an onion before dicing it: “Aw dammit”

The Gordon Ramsey that lives in my head: “Don’t worry there, this mistake isn’t going to ruin anything. No need to be too hard on yourself”

Me: “Wow, that’s…not what I was expecting”

Gordon: “Of course, you ought to know by now that I don’t shout at cooks just to do so. I do it because the people in hit television show Kitchen Nightmares are putting their services out into the public and claim to be good enough to have the title of head chef. You’re just some guy in your twenties making beef stroganoff for yourself and your roommate. I’m kind of a dick, yeah, but I’m not gonna scream at you for a minor mistake like this”

Me: “Oh….well…thanks”

Gordon: “You’re welcome…cunt…”

doctor: you have 50 seconds to live

me:

oh yeah forgot to post these guys

for when you're definitely very normal about Things

you’re not unlovable just because somebody didn’t know how to love u right by the way

“bUt I’m StIlL sInGle” love comes from more than just romantic relationships, dummy

cat jpeg made me emotional so i drew it