[random thoughts meant in love, especially self-love] It’s been about 5 months since I’ve actively reconnected with both spiritualism/religion + total intersectionality of selves. Fun, yet interesting ride. I’ve joined/lurked in several communities on tumblr and discord, and been privileged to have irl conversations about topics like “Christian mysticism,” “queer Christian,” “heretical Christians,” “Christian witch” and on the flip side, “Black hoodoo”and “African/ Black (traditional) religion and spiritualism.” Although I’m enjoying the process, I feel like it’s kinda lonely, as well. Mostly from there being clear lines of cultural and a practical division/in-out group dynamics at play that make it hard for me to completely immerse myself into any one or multiple areas. Let’s start with the “Christian XYZ” tag. Or, the “heretic.” “witch” or “mystic” tags. There is a lot of good, solid, theoretical information. From breaking down religion/Christianity to it’s roots in sexism. to philosophical discussion.. The breadth of knowledge on all the “-isms” goes soooo deep ; my heavily-critical brain is constantly feed and can churn on lectures on how Western Christianity came to be what it is today and the flaws in it. Lots of talk about “saint blah blah” and philosophy. Additionally, I found a lot of support from LGTBQ folks. Notice I did not mention race in this. Oh, there’s culture. Just LOTS of European culture, specifically Western European culture, imo. I do mean that as a negative, tbh. It’s cool to see people discussing Orthodox ways and reclaiming old “mystic” practices with fancy labels. It’s just…some of the practices (for ME) over-complicate or “fancy-fy” spirituality and mysticism in a way I’m already familiar and comfortable with regardless of labeling them as such. I just can’t relate to how some visualize or manifest or communicate their spirituality. It’s too academic and “distant” (for ME). ex. Getting in Tune With Your Body, How to Divine God, or The Spirit/Cosmic Realm and How to Encounter It + spells or rituals to do XYZ….imho, (some, not all) Black Christians already do these things?; it’s remnant from our ATR roots. BC (in my area) are veeerry ok with talking about spirits at work or allowing their bodies to be used in out-of-body experiences. We just don’t label nor get credit for these actions. In a way, it’s not special, kinda ordinary or expected in a way. We do/have community mystical behaviours, just look at praise n’ worship session and tell me that’s not magical or the body as a spiritual tool. additionally, the present stigma and misunderstanding of “magic” will probably keep some Black folks from even WANTING to claim as “mystic” or “magic” in their own practices/daily lives. (Speaking of, I find it real funny how some of these space rarely uplift and research mystic or spiritual practices of Black Christians/Americans, but are quick to go towards Native American, Celtic,Nordic, East Asian, etc spiritualism. Black Christianity is not a closed religion and can be researched.) Secondly, the Christian ___ tags I feel are not really true safe spaces for POC, more so for White/culturally White individuals. And, maybe that’s a good thing as they sort themselves out. Even though they’re great people, some are very raw and new to expressing their hurt in public they’ve received for their own identifications that they can end up inadvertently shaming of other cultures, including (normal) Black Christian culture when they speak negatively about their experiences. Also, the way some speak authoritatively about what people “should” do in practice, or use language that just isn’t as inclusive as it could be, more like inclusive for ppl like them? I feel a lack of cross-cultural humility and ignorance in knowing/discussing race+non-European culture is part of the blame. In a way, some ID so much with their oppressed label or pain I feel like they’re not really ready to acknowledge how privilege and power have still been bequeath to them, like blinded by it. I’m very big into liberation theology, but most of the ppl I’ve met *believe* they are,too, but seem to only focus on Queer and Gender liberation theology w/o investigating Race/Black liberation theology. Like I said, maybe (White, oppressed) Christians need these safe spaces so they can understand themselves better, which is fair, as long as honesty and self-awareness are around. Next, ATR/hoodoo/Black witch tags/labels are amazing. just love them. Reminds me of being back on my HBCU campus with all Black love and support and information sharing. I even find and read hoodoo books available from my HBCU’s e-library and I’m like “omg this so Black! I feel like I’ve heard this before” It’s a cool, calming, comforting feeling. The only bad thing is…as much as I loved my HBCU. I couldn’t stay there forever. laugh, but I missed my White, Asian, Latinx, etc folks =/ I have been a globally-minded person from conception of self. I thrive the best in very, very ,very multicultural spaces, with dialogue across varying cultures. I feel the state of Black (non-Western Christianity) spirituality is as a closed space, in-group members only, as it nurtures itself. Although I have a right to join as a Black woman, I don’t think I could stay for long as I desire a practice I can share with non-Blacks freely and create a community around as a whole. I dont blame the Black community for closing itself off at all and I think it’s waaay too soon to ask (us/them) or force them to be inclusive when we’re trying to figure ourselves out. It’s a point in (cross-cultural) conflict resolution that “separation and pulling away is needed by in-groups before reconciliation.” It’s just hard for me to balance my Black culture as both shareable and not shareable, open and closed, just in general. I want to respected and known, but also left alone. It’s complex. I just know atm I’m lean more towards non-culturally appropriative “Universalism” Also, if I’m frfr, 65% of hoodoo/ATR religions are conceptually REALLY NEW for me. Like Intentional Ancestor veneration, buying products for differing uses and intents, the notion of upsetting/pleasing? an individual spirit, multi-step rituals, thinking of the Outer world as my ancestors with non-familial spirits + Being. It’s overwhelming and hard mind shift; like I’m would have to truly become a new person. Im used to the idea of a family chilling eating bons-bons in heaven (or hell x_x) while I can communicate directly to a Divine power; I get power and energy through Them while my family is resting and having fun. Maybe I’m just lazy but I mostly read tarot, have a mini-altar, do simple rituals/prayer/spells, and keep to myself. Am I just lazy? hmm. I think for me it’s a culture clash with my Western individualism (while Black) and collectivism exhibited in ATR & hoodoo. also, at least with ATR, I’ve come across patriarchal and anti-LGBTQ stances that I am not totally unconvinced weren’t not present before European contact (not just hoteps yall). It just adds another unraveling layer of “what’s for me and what’s not” to an area I’m already new to and have little guidance in. Which, even the latter makes me an outside as some of the ATR’s are just communal and lived and breathed as a full community, not one mere person in isolation and it’s crazy for a person to think abt doing it. so, I feel like at times I’m missing out, but at the same time, if I’m not going to do it respectfully, dont do it at all. tbh I really miss how easy it was for me to engage and live a Western Christian life with other ppl (racially and class-wise, that is). I didnt have to worry about breaking cultural taboos as the “message was universal.” Granted, this is patriarchy’s way of Wal-Marting itself into our lives by making it stream-lined and water-down and repressive of other selves, buuuut still. Right now it’s all like the difference between “Black church” and “White church;” both are cool just “feel” different. It’s like I don’t want to be called a witch/mystic/Christian ___ nor do I feel hoodoo/ATR labels are appropriate either. I want the blankets of both, together, merged >__<..and without a label :P
Girl that was a great ramble. I miss the convos with you for sure. It looks like you have been doing your share of exploration, spiritual urges and purges, and it sounds like the right direction (the right direction is most probably not to arrive to any conclusion whatsoever! at least I hope it is lol). Anti-anti-system is just as important (perhaps more so) than anti-system too - no point in being a rebel just for the sake of it (after the glitter warrior shine wears off) (hope I am making sense! then again, why make sense if you can make it sans sense). Just remember - since you said it sometimes feels lonely - ‘lonely’ does not always translate to ‘alone’, even when you least expect it, sometimes someone is listening. And usually, God/Goddess/Allah/etc willing (and their Will is the Way), it is the right person. Bless you always, speak to you soon :)
