Yikes

I do have a lust for life but it's more of an unrequited crush

This made my day

my child

never will I ever forget the time my friend told me about goddamn. mormon bubble porn

@glubablub @queenofthesafetypins

ok so

there’s a rule in mormonism that you Absolutely Cannot see a woman naked. however, since we as a species usually LOVE to jack off, people found a way around it.

basically what they do is take pictures of beautiful bikini women or whatever, and cover the bits that would be deemed unseeable, and creating bubbles around certain parts like the stomach and neck, to give off the illusion that they’re naked.

that way they can jack off freely without guilt. it is generally effective, but since it’s so obscure it looks like some kind of odd fetish.

In conclusion, anybody with a sex drive, no matter the religion, will absolutely try their hardest to jack off, even if it means really fuckin strange loopholes. thank u for ur time.

i really didn’t want to know what mormon bubble porn was but like a sinner I kept scrolling

This is glorious madness

Old men on grindr: “Want to be my piss slave? Daddy wants to teach you a lesson you dirty slut”

Me:

adding video to text posts was an incredible gift

Finding out Bo Burnham is 6'5" and not like 5'11" has absolutely killed me today. The concept of some Goliath twink pacing around a stage yelling absurdities and throwing glitter is triggering my fight or flight response

the fact that lights don’t start flickering ominously and short-circuiting whenever i’m upset is maximally unsexy and not at all excellent if you ask me

how’d you make a blank post?

please tell me

Opens up the condom with my teeth but just starts eating it

hungwy i’ve been following you for a while but this might be it. 

So the post about wanting to fuck the starkist tuna wasn’t a problem for you

another day? oh i am just so sick of these

i am a simple man, i see my cats paw, i squeeze it

i see my cats little nose, i kiss it

Average height boys r suspicious to me…..always so medium….probably hiding something. and short boys always so angry about being short. and tall boys r too scary and more mass volume to store evil. there is no peace

3 am is such a powerful time. there are people sleeping. there are people partying. there are people having a movie marathon. there are people crying. there are people loving. there are people dying. there are people living. toegther at 3 am.

don’t romanticize 3 am everyone should be in bed!!!! go to sleep bitch!!!!!

a family can be 5 lesbians on a farm

A family should be 5 lesbians on a farm

Steven Universe