I swear some songs have noises in the background that make me think my mom is shouting me downstairs and it gets me every time

Or my phone buzzing. I get that a lot.

SHUT THE FUCK UP

how do you even notice that

LMAO

the longshot is a popular choice, to say the least

IT’S NERF

OR NOTHING

How many altos does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they can’t get that high.

How many sopranos does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One, she holds it up and waits for the world to revolve around her.

How many singers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. An alto to actually do it and a soprano to stand by and ask “isn’t that a little high for you?”

u wanna fucking go

here for this fight

How do you know a soprano is at your door?

She can’t find the key and doesn’t know where to come in

FUCK

I work for my county. In my job there are counselors and assistants. I am an assistant. We do some of the more menial stuff. The counselors deal with the public and do the more official things. Anyway…I was doing some stuff and got an angry email from a counselor complaining that my stapling is wrong. I staple in the middle horizontally about ¼th of an inch from the top. These are meant to be mailed out so it works well.

She wanted it in the corner at 45 degrees. I told her to take it up with my supervisor. She did. My supervisor got annoyed and looked to make sure there is no stapling guidelines…she was sure there wasn’t but had to make sure…then put the counselor in her place and mentioned it to her supervisor.

Now if I get anything that goes directly to that counselor for anything that needs stapling I staple it right in the middle of the page. It’s only once or twice a month maybe but she complains every time and I tell her to talk to my supervisor who tells her that there is no stapling guidelines and there is nothing she can do.

Nobody will control my stapling.

WOW!!!

When even members of your own party are saying “Anyone but you”.

Evil villains joining forces with the heroes to take down the evilest of evil villains, 

This year has been INSANE and we’re only three months in. Like, are we even alive anymore?

these are fake

Should’ve checked it out. I was kind of thinking the Rubio one was fake since, well look at that one, but I should have checked out both.

Petition for any game with boob armour to also feature dick armour.

Omfg DÒMHNALL

STOP

DÒMHNALL STOP I AMF AT WOWKR

Ok…

For the beach.

Fun fact which we totally should have mentioned before: while there is no historical evidence of boob armor (let alone battle bikinis) ever existing, dick armor was totally a thing!

Next time someone brings up “historical accuracy” as an argument for some ridiculous double standards in costume design, don’t forget to bring up this Renaissance fashion curiosity. And how conveniently it is never incorporated into male characters supposedly inspired by the era of codpiece popularity.

Thanks to she5los for tagging us in one of the reblogs to this :)

Ozzie

Email-a-Tree Service Doesn’t Go As Planned in the Best Possible Way - The Atlantic

Melbourne gave their trees ID numbers and email addresses so residents could report downed branches or other problems. Instead, people starting writing their trees love letters. 

Sometimes, the trees even write back: 

I am so completely charmed by this. 

(via chels)

THIS IS MISSING THE BEST ONE

this is correct

i am at peace

(via sleepysamurai)

I hope the botanist who answers these emails loves their job as much as I love them.

(via teapotsahoy)

AMAZING

(via crabsandlobsters)

So I want to start off with that this was not my revenge; but I felt as a customer that I had been avenged in small way.

Today while going through/getting to a McDonalds Drive thru, I was going at what I felt was a reasonable and safe parking lot appropriate speed. I had another vehicle (a pickup truck) happily following me through the parking lot to the ordering boxes as well.

As I reach getting to the entrance of the ordering boxes, a woman in her car comes veering in and cuts me off just before the entrance of the ordering boxes. I nearly shit myself because I had to brake pretty hard to avoid a collision, and I know the truck behind me was pissed because they were laying on their horn pretty good (this woman essentially just cut in line on both of us).

I kind of roll my eyes because if someone is in that much of a rush to get some greasy cheeseburgers in them, I will let me be. I just pull up to the second ordering box (I don’t know how common this is, but McDonalds in my area just started making their drive through have two sets of ordering boxes so I guess they can help two drive through customers at a time?).

As soon as I get to the ordering box, the McDonalds employee takes my order, and happily tells me my total. At this point I hear some screaming and yelling coming from the other ordering box from the woman who just cut me off, “TAKE MY DAMN ORDER! I WAS HERE FIRST!”.

I laugh inside kind of thinking that the McDonalds employees probably saw two cars show up suddenly and just decided to take my order first. I figure it was karma shining down on me.

I pull up to the pay window and right away I can tell the person collecting money is the one taking orders. Usually at these double drive thrus, the McDonalds employee needs to confirm that I am paying for the correct order (As there is usually two people taking orders at the same time). Today this employee doesn’t she just reconfirms the cost and tells me to pull to the next window.

As I pull away from the pay window I hear car horns, and a moment later I see the truck (not the douchey woman in the car) that was behind me before is pulling up to the pay window.

As I get my food, my gut feeling is validated; seems like they keep the drive through windows open when its nice out, so I can hear the employees talking amongst themselves.

Employee 1: “Do you think we should take another vehicles order before that car?”

Employee 2: “I don’t know, they’re honking quite a bit now”

Employee 1: “Well they shouldn’t have cut that other car off” (I drive a car)

Employee 3: “Someone should walk out with an out of order sign and put it over that box. then remove it when that car leaves”

haha

Let's have more interactions like this. I love it.

Some Republicans dislike Trump and Cruz as much as everybody else does

The republican establishment made a deliberate, conscious decision to court the ‘racist white asshole’ vote that the democratic party establishment lost after a democratic president signed off on the Civil Rights Act The republican establishment embraced and promoted ‘prosperity theology’ to let the super-rich claim divine right to excuse the even increasing inequality that resulted from their policies, to put a ‘Christian’ stamp on their most un-christ-like behavior and economic philsophy, and to encourage their base to seal their right-leaning political affiliations behind an unthinking unreasoning shell of faith that would allow neither self criticism nor compromise. The republican party establishment specifically rejected, and encouraged its voters to reject, rationality and science when those things proved to be at odds to the profit interests of their corporate sponsors or the fundamentalist dogma of their prosperity theology spokesmen. And now, the Republican establishment is shocked to find their voting base utterly overrun with unthinking racist assholes who cannot be reasoned with, desperate to hand the reigns of power over to a super-rich megalomaniac. Yeah, I wonder how that happened, too.

Fucking this.

A rose put in a bullet hole of a Restaurant window in Paris, with a letter that says “in the name of what”

Damn.

The cast of The Jungle Book (2016)