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unironically enthusiastic

@oxymoronic-tautology / oxymoronic-tautology.tumblr.com

feminism, queer issues, and teen wolf.
stay alive. they/them. rest in peace, chester.
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just right

for @drarrymicrofic prompt: abrupt | lil t4t for u | cw: dysphoria | on ao3

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At the first click, the click of the door closing, he bolts from the top bunk to the foot of Draco’s bed.

A second click, this one a lock opening. All these trunks have the same security measures, and he’s already done this to the other two trunks—Ron’s and Zacharias Smith’s—in the boys eighth year dorm.

A third click, the latch gives way, and Draco’s trunk swings open. It’s like he’s stolen the sorcerer’s stone all over again; he feels young and giddy with the knowledge his whole life is about to change in some large, incomprehensible way.

He holds up Draco’s pants. Ron’s were too long, Zacharias’s too short, but Draco’s, well—he steps out of his skirt and into the black slacks. The length’s perfect. Then, quick, he slips out of his cardigan and into Draco’s shoes and white dress shirt and tie.

His heart races. He walks to the full-length mirror on the back of the bathroom door. He closes his eyes. He defeated Voldemort; why can’t he just look at himself?

A fourth click.

“Fancy yourself a Slytherin?”

His brain whirls through a million iterations of it’s not what it looks like, trying to come up with something that doesn’t sound like I’m not what I look like.

“You’re not supposed to be back yet,” he lands on.

“Yes, and I forgot my tie. What ever would I have done if you hadn’t found it for me?” His mouth must be open, because Draco continues, “Close your mouth, Potter. Do you honestly think I’m going to tell? Let me guess: you snuck into our room somehow, probably earlier when the Weasel and Smithereens were playing chess and being too loud for anyone to think, let alone notice an intruder, and then you hid in the top bunk until all of us left for breakfast.”

Draco looks him up and down and back up again, his eyes stopping at the tie on his chest. Hopefully at the tie. And not at his chest.

“I tried something similar, when I first suspected, but I forgot Blaise is batshit about clothes. He has this special trunk that doesn’t have a lock, it just has this weird alarm spell I couldn’t ever figure out. So I ended up trying on Goyle’s clothes, which were enormous on me. It was all wrong, but also it was—enough to know.”

His gaze slides over to the mirror. The reflection is almost right, it’s so close, it’s all wrong, it’s too lumpy, it's—

“Do you know the spell?" Draco asks, his wand already out. “Pecticus.”

—flat. He stares at the tie lying flat on his flat chest. Breathes with his flat chest, and it might as well be the first breathe he’s ever taken.

Suddenly, there he is in the mirror. Exactly where he’s always been.

“What should I call you?”

Harry,” slips out of his mouth embarrassingly quickly. It’s not as though he’s been waiting for someone to ask.

“Harry,” Draco says. Just right.

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thesofthuman

Be sad but get up. You don’t have to shower. You can put on the same clothes you wore yesterday. Nobody will care. The sky is blue, wildflowers are blooming by the side of the road. Strangers have stories to tell. Go for a walk, go for a drive, go to a greenhouse, a bookstore, a movie theater. You can stay in bed but nothing is going to happen there. Sometimes you’ve really just got to get the fuck up.

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Nope.

when your teacher is trying to teach you how to cast fireball

+3 to Intellect

If anybody’s wondering what’s happening here, this clip made it onto Outrageous Acts of Science, and they explained that this teacher was demonstrating the Leidenfrost effect, which is basically when you place a droplet of a liquid on a surface that’s far hotter than its boiling point. The part of the drop touching the hot surface turns into vapor and forms a cushion that the rest of the drop rests on top of, which causes it to skid across the floor so quickly. The substance the teacher uses in the video is liquid methane. But methane has a really low boiling point. Like, about −160 °C low. So once it touches the comparatively hot floor, the Leidenfrost effect comes into play, and it slides across the floor. The issue is though, methane is colorless, so you can’t normally see it. Thankfully (in this demonstration), methane is also very flammable, so he sets it on fire before dumping it onto the floor so you can see it as it moves. Definitely a cooler demonstration of the Leidenfrost effect than dropping a little water in a hot pan. Or hotter, if you like puns.

THANKS FOR EXPLANATION SCIENTIFIC SIDE OF TUMBLR

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Tbh I don’t know a single bi woman who doesn’t struggle with her attraction to men in some substantive, orientation-informing way…

Be it her frustration with trying to vocalize the nuances and differences between her experience of same gender attraction and her attraction to men…(or the social pressure NOT to vocalize this because bi women are seen as inauthentic if we have varied experiences of attraction instead of equal, etc).

Or how her experience of biphobia/homophobia is innately and irrevocably knotted up with misogyny in many painful ways and is suffered in her most intimate of relationships…

Or how her attraction to men isn’t always positive or a blessing but can be confusing and highly unwanted, making her question how much her experience of attraction is informed by internalized homophobia and compulsory heterosexuality.

But these kinds of feelings and discussions are often neglected because there’s so much pressure to perform this kind of bi pride where we’re all totally comfortable with our experience of attraction and totally confident with our label and our embodied experience of it.

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pervocracy

Me in history class: Wow, humanity has been through some fascinating times!  I wonder if I’ll ever live through major historical events!

Me now: NO NO NO NO NO I WANT TO GET OFF THIS RIDE

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aqua-harry

So you’ve got this bitch-ass fitted sheet that you would normally pile into a ball and shove into a closet so you won’t have to deal with it, yeah? Well. Quit acting like a piece of linen is better than you are. You can make a fitted sheet bend to your will. And here’s how…

First, put your sheet on the floor. Stand above it for a few seconds so it knows who’s boss.

Then, put your hand in the lower left corner so that it’s inside out. Do the same to the lower right corner.

Now, your lower left and right corners of the fitted sheet should be inside out. (Shoutout to Amy Poehler, love your work).

Then, take the lower left corner (that’s still inside out) and tuck it into the upper left corner. It should look like the picture above once you’re done. Then, do the same with your right corners.

It should look something like that. Right now, she’s your friend at the end of a good night out. Doesn’t look really bad, but you know she deserves better. 

Pull at the corners until you get something like this shape, as it makes it easier to fold. You’ve given your friend some plain white bread and a glass of water. She’s looking much more presentable now.

Now, pull in at the elastic until you make a rectangle. You’ll want to tuck and smooth the excess fabric away from the elastic seams and towards the closed edge of the fitted sheet.

Once you’ve got a (semi) neat rectangle, fold the the top of the sheet down about a third of the way through. I like to fold the upper part of the sheet down first, because it’s not as straight of an edge as the bottom. You can find your own meaning within that description.

Now, fold the lower portion of the sheet on top of the part you’ve already folded down.

Fold the left side of the sheet into the middle, and then fold the right side of the sheet on top of what you just folded. 

Congratulations. You just made a fitted sheet your bitch.

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whats the point of fantasy novels if youre still going to treat women like shit

actually the point of it is to show that women were treated like more shit back then and since most fantasy novels take place in medevil/premedevil times, women were literally seen as breeders and only knew to please their husbands and raise their children and sew so women are treated actually very well considering what it used to be. don’t post stuff like that pls thanks bye

“Hi I’m basement bob and I think potatoes and dragons should be allowed in fantasy novels despite being entirely historically inaccurate but extreme sexism which literally hurts real live woman on a daily basis is super cool and has to be included. Can’t be historically inaccurate lol.”

What basement bob forgot to mention is that a lot of sexism in fantasy novels can’t be blamed on historical accuracy. Not only for the above reason (which should be reason enough) but because real-life history is a lot more interesting than the half-assed pseudo-history found in bad fantasy and Hollywood. 

The middle ages may not have been a pleasant time to be alive, but women could hold a surprising amount of power. Their everyday agency, even among the lower classes, often looked a lot different from modern (rather ahistorical) representations of them. 

If you Google “medieval women” and “agency,” you’ll find a lot of scholarly articles about unpacking common misconceptions about ye olden days. But if you’d rather read something more fun, start with this tumblr post.

Carry on, OP. 

Sincerely,

A History Major Tired of History Being Blamed for Unimaginative and Poorly-Researched Medieval-Based Fantasy

Most!!! Misconceptions about how women were treated in history!!! Are caused by modern sexism!!!!

Exhibit A) http://www.tor.com/2014/09/02/female-viking-warriors-proof-swords/ “Previously, researchers had misidentified skeletons as male simply because they were buried with their swords and shields. (Female remains were identified by their oval brooches, and not much else.)”

“It’s been so difficult for people to envision women’s historical contributions as solely getting married and dying in childbirth, but you can’t argue with numbers—and fifty/fifty is pretty damn good. The presence of female warriors also has researchers now wondering just how accurate the stereotypes of raping and pillaging actually are:”

SEXISTS USE SCIENCE TO JUSTIFY THEIR BIGOTRY BUT REFUSE TO LOOK AT STUDIES THAT WEREN’T PREFORMED BEFORE 2012.

YOUR STUDIES ARE OUTDATED. KEEP UP CAVEMAN KEN

Gather round everyone and riddle me this: if you literally can’t imagine a world without our degrees and flavors of sexism why are you writing fantasy in the first place?

There’s plenty of reasons for discrimination to exist in any given story because people are assholes, but you can’t just transplant real-world issues into a story and call it a day. That’s lazy as fuck. It’s not “historically accurate” if you place the results of Human Earth History on the Elf World Whateverelius.

When you write, remember to actually insert issues into your worldbuilding that make sense for your world. If women are equal, then why are there so few female professional warriors [here’s looking at you, Bioware]? If women are prohibited from joining the army, why is that? And more importantly, why is that necessary to put in your story?

Now, Dark Ages Dan: If your answers to those questions are simply “it’s historically accurate” I suggest you write historical fiction. And as the people above have stated: actually do research instead of perpetuating personal biases.

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gin-draws

other HP related questions:

-What happens with wands after a witch/wizard dies. Do they destroy them? Are they resold?? -Why is Mr. Weasley so fascinated by dentistry?? Do wizards not do oral hygiene?? -Are dementors the only employees at Azkaban? There’s recent photos of Sirius and the other escapees- so do they have picture day with a dementor photographer? -Hagrid’s Conception… -Are there owl breeders? -Where do they do their grocery shopping? -What crazy weight loss fads exist in a world full of magic? -What’s going on under robes if they’re confused by “muggle clothes” i.e. pants.. -Are all wizarding kids under 11 just home schooled? Poor Mrs. Weasley… -What crazy wizarding hallucinogenics exist? -How do wizard farmers feel about MMOs (magically modified organisms)? -Do they have lower security prisons, or are you just sent to Azkaban for a significantly shorter period of time? -Steroids? -Are there quidditch little league tournaments and would James Potter have been the loudest person there? -Do they go by a different calendar year? -Where are the terribly done moving paintings… because they exist. -Why didn’t they just Priori Incantato on Sirius’s wand when they arrested him?????? -What about wizarding art culture?? - How long is your house on fire before you call the fire department if there even is one? -Magic “marital aids”..👀👀👀

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