why am i like this

watching queer eye really has such a positive effect on you like one moment you’re watching a new episode and two minutes later you’re pulling out the print button down that’s been in the back of your closet and wearing it with a french tuck because tan france said so

tag urself i’m functional cryptid

My phone at 1% battery: finally,,,,the sweet embrace of death,,,,,,my codes are clearing,,,,,,,my burdens are lifted,,,,,,,,,,,,

Me, jamming the charger in seconds before it shuts off: you’re gonna stay alive and suffer like the rest of us you lazy bitch

Legally Blonde (2001), dir. Robert Luketic

Bro… *looks down at my C shaped hands* we are legos

Today’s aesthetic: keeping the same tab open in your browser for three solid weeks because you’re definitely going to get around to reading and/or acting on whatever’s in it any minute now.

This is a personal attack.

Don’t talk to me or my 67 tabs ever again.

im in this photo and i don’t like it

College Professor who knows their stuff and is well versed and up to date on their material: Hello today we’ll be talking abo-

White Guy who sits at the front of the class, and talks either at the speed of sound or the speed of a snail: ACTUALLY, ACCORDING TO THE ENCYCLOPEDIA OF- [derails the lecture by 20 minutes because hes an Intellectual]

A sequel

when people bring up your past

“just one more video then i’ll go to sleep”

for whatever reason, you suddenly gain godlike powers of control over the universe. what’s the first thing you do?

i straight up get rid of carbon. 

carbon the chemical element upon which all lifeforms are based?

That’s the bitch

#me

Its 2019 and we have colored text, why arent we highlighting random nouns to make our text look like video game dialogue? If we aren’t pretending to be NPCs we aren’t truly living.