And I'm just going through a tough time and have to put it all out there. My ex poked holes on my condoms before he moved all the way out and now I'm pregnant, not sure which of the two guys it is cause I was "safe" and they are both assholes. So I feel hella backed into a corner and just so very pissed.
Wearing someone else underwear seemed gross even after laundering it, but using fork and spoon in restaurant that has been placed into hundreds of different strangers mouth doesn’t bother most people.
so the thing about my family is that we have two ancestors on my dad’s side who were buried in france, where I currently live. one died in the spanish civil war, and one died prior doing…we don’t know what. but he somehow managed to get buried in père lachaise.
so anyhow, my gran sends me a message like “pls put flowers on ur uncle samuel’s grave because he’s gone over a century with none and it will make the ghost mad if he hasn’t already” because my family spends time in europe but never long enough to go all the way to père lachaise and give ya boy samuel jr. his death rites. so im like “ok gran I can do that” bc im a good grandson and you do not fuck with gran she doesn’t DESERVE THAT
i figure out which plot he’s on and ask someone specifically where you can find uncle samuel jr. and they tell me where and so I arrive at the junction and.
HE GONE.
WHERE DID YOU GO UNCLE SAMUEL.
*celine dion’s smash hit “my heart will go on” playing in the distance*
in other words either someone stole my entire great great uncle samuel or he has risen again, ready to party in paris for all of eternity.
You’re pretty chill about a corpse disappearing.
My guy, my dude, he’s been dead since 1851. He could be anywhere. He does what he wants.
My daughter loves this ring! Beautiful design Morphejewelrydesign
A serotonin imbalance
too real
i want someone who will light a fire in me.
I want someone who will light me on fire
I found some of my old editing work on a flash drive, and there was one novel which grabbed my attention and I immediately started screeching like a pterodactyl . Thankfully It never actually made it to publication because it was so bad, and the editor above me got fired for letting it get past the vetting process.
Mostly I’m just reading through it and cringing, but then I came across some of my own commentary at the side.
It starts out pretty tame. And yes, some people DO forget the names of their MC’s half way through a book. (Or the second chapter in this case, switching back and forth between Karen and Kate so much I eventually gave up.)
Then starts to become a little bit eeeeeh, and I have to make several of these changes and suggestions, mostly prompting for the language to be removed and rewritten entirely as it was VILE.
Then about chapter five I have lost my mind and well…:
this shouldn’t make me wish i was an editor but i wish i was an editor.
I just spat perfectly good coffee out.
I debated whether I should actually reblog this, because fucking Christ this ia horrible.
Okay who the fuck brought this back.
I’M SO FRIGHTENED RIGHT NOW
what the fuck did i even just read?
FUCKING HELL
Omg
Ah yes. @thebibliosphere and I have swapped a few porn-editing horror stories. :) She definitely has me beat though, by a mile.
I can’t believe this came back to me full circle like this.
TO THE HILT
I want to read this awful thing
what did this bird do
I wish i had context on this
here u go
I don’t think the contexts helps in this case.
I’ve been collecting these for a while so here are all the ones you missed
I’ve had the ‘I’d sell you to Satan for one corn chip’ picture saved on my computer for years, and I have NEVER SEEN THE REST OF THESE.
I’m so pleased.
I have this book, and it is one of the funniest things in my life.
christmas eve what about christmas adam
happy christmas adam to all men’s rights activists
Please stop pestering us with things like this. This has nothing to do with men fighting for their rights. Eve is short for ‘evening’. Please don’t turn activism into a joke. Thanks.
Someone isn’t having a good christmas adam
Christmas Adam: December 23rd. Comes before Christmas Eve and is generally unsatisfying.
Happy Christmas Adam everyone
Talk fantasy prosthetics to me.
An elf maiden dances on feet of living wood sung into shape, planted in soil and watered when she takes them off. Every year she plants the old ones and sings a new pair. (Incidentally, the pair of peach saplings from three years ago have produced an excellent crop- She makes preserves from them, and despite the inevitable jokes about “toe-jam”, they are appreciated.)
A dwarf king has a metal fist, all tiny gears and fine wires, kept wound by a mischievous mine-spirit bound to the spring as punishment- the more it struggles, the tighter the spring.
An orc chieftaness is regularly asked for the story of how she earned the name Wyrmthrottler- she boasts of how she strangled the dragon that ate her arm, and had her shaman make a new arm from its bones, with its fangs as the fingers.
A necromancer simply re-attached his old leg bones- Sacrificing a few mice each day keeps it going.
A pirate captain lost her arm to a shark attack: a passing selkie saved her, and gave her tattoos of kraken blood. Now she has an arm made of salt-water, that grows and wanes with the tides, and swings a cutlass as well as the original. (She doesn’t sail as far these days though: she doesn’t want her wife to worry.)
A wandering swordsman was broken at the waist- his ancestral armour allows him to walk again, as long as he keeps it polished, and burns incense to the ancestors regularly.
A high priestess has an eye made from a crystal ball- to predict the future, all she has to do is wink.
A bard was struck deaf by illness- he struck a deal with the god of music. Now he wears hearing-trumpets made from his old pipes, and dedicates his every song to the god of music- the better he plays, the better his hearing. (It is said his music could make statues weep, and he can hear a mouse fart at 60 paces.)
A princess has the arm of a golem, enchanted clay with mystic words carved in- her music tutor despairs of how her harp playing has become even worse, but her calligraphy tutor is ecstatic over her handwriting.
A goblin pickpocket has an arm made of whatever he steals- no-one feels his fingers, and even if they did, they couldn’t find their possessions amongst all the rest.
A witch has eyes made from shadow and starlight, given to her in a game with a demon. Nobody dares to ask what she wagered- they aren’t even sure she won.
A warg was born deaf and blind- his people learned of his power when the nearest birds started staring at them, and dogs pricked up their ears as he walked past.
Its back. :D
That warg one is whew goddamn
*SLAMS DOWN ON TABLE* GUYS
*Tarek gives this post a very considerate look over
Lets see how many witches we have on tumblr.
Reblog if you are a witch and proud. Lets check out each others pages. <3
Ancestral Powder
This ancestral powder is a blend of dried and ground flowers and foliage from the graveside or funerary service of deceased relatives.
Having a blend of dried materials linked to the your now deceased family member or relative is an easy way to add some ancestral power to your magic that works only and specifically for you and your purposes.
Think of this powder like dragon’s blood or any herb used specifically to enhance the powers of a specific ingredient or boost the workings or a spell.
These powders are especially great for protection spells, difficult divination or necromancy.
why do people always advertise skin products as making your skin “radiant”? like “clean” and “clear” i get but i’ve never once looked at myself in the mirror and thought, “you know what would be better? if i were bioluminescing like some sort of hideous deep-sea creature”
actually, you know what, if clerasil is gonna straight up turn me into some aquatic horrorterror, sign me the fuck up. fuck college, i’m all about that “lurking in swamps and frightening sleep-deprived drivers on long interstate trips with my literally radiant skin” life now. we gon be a cryptid for a living
