When Nobody Believes You

Hello. My name is Carson. Some of you might remember me from when I came out about my rape and abuse/manipulation I suffered at the hands of the youtuber WhatTravisSays (Travis Neumeyer). When friends and family began invading my privacy and grilled me on posts about my recovery and mental well-being, I deleted my original account that had a lot of messages on it. Travis saw this as an opportunity to post a very vindictive video, attacking me, calling me a liar & making it sound like I’m a crazy ass bitch. My inbox immediately flooded with death threats, threats of sending ME to prison, and just general posts threatening violence. I even received messages saying I should just kill myself because I don’t belong on the Earth alive. I posted a video pretty much immediately after I was informed of this; I could barely speak, and as much as I tried to wipe my tears and speak relatively calmly, I was just too much of a wreck to focus on… well, anything, really. I’ve been to the hospital three times in the past year, and the way things are still going, I’ll probably be “checking in” again. I will make another video on this, and this time, I will be able to speak much more calmly about this. In the meantime, here are some screenshots of conversations we had on Facebook when we were together. Not asking for sympathy, I just REALLY feel like it’s important to keep this conversation going, cause I’m sick and tired of people threatening me with death and violence, and to speak for the 20+ other minors who have contacted me. Girls, PLEASE BE SUPER CAREFUL ON THAT SITE, there’s a whole lot of fucked up shit happening behind the scenes, more that the abusive relationship we had, and I’m not just saying this from personal experience; he has fucked and toyed with a lot of people’s emotions, and has used several 13-16 year olds for sex, telling each and every one of them that he “loves you” and “you are the only girl I’m talking to.” So here you go, check it out, and stay tuned for a video.

I hate Perks of Being a Wallflower

Hear me out before you crucify me! It’s actually a well written book! And that’s why I hate it. It makes me feel the way Charlie does. Except I feel the way Charlie does all the time…. it’s just that when I read the book it gets worse. And all the time (not just while reading the book), I think about thejealousone and how I NEVER sent that last letter I wrote and I really wish I had. And now I don’t know where it’s at, but I know I kept it. And then I think about how I should NEVER send it because he’s happy and doesn’t need a broken human being sending broken letters. And I realized something yesterday in my curiosities and research. Social Anxiety is not only a real thing (and, duh, I have it), but it is a diagnosable and TREATABLE Disorder. Ironically, it is called SAD (Social Anxiety Disorder) and that cracks me up. And even more interesting is that I didn’t realize how bad off I was and how it really DOES affect my life. In a very serious way. At this point, I’m almost borderline phobic. (It hinders my ability to do my job and “participate in life”. I lied about a meeting to get out of playing softball. And I enjoy playing softball.) But now I want to fix it, now that I know it’s a problem. And maybe I can fix all the relationships I have (they aren’t broken, per se, they were just never established properly….. no, actually, they are broken). And finally I’d like to say thank you to rivvka @knobster (I don’t know why I can’t tag you. Maybe I don’t follow you? Oops) and angus7777 for NEVER giving up on me, and NEVER leaving me alone. Even when I push you away. It’s not you; I’m just terrified.

I’m going to message you my new address.

why are pictures like this taken and also why do you guys reblog them 

aesthetic (chateauofadoubt)

Ugghhh as an artist this is so frustrating. I want it to be actually clever or arguably visually pleasing and it isn’t. I feel like someone is mocking art.

Right. This is an example of someone doing something probably just for the lols that I ironically applied the phrase “aesthetic” to, because As a concept it’s not all that different from the random stuff actual aesthetic bloggers do, which isn’t always thought-provoking either. That’s why I’m saying the word “aesthetic” essentially means everything and nothing on tumblr.

It's probably art about soda and corn syrup. "You want corn water? Here's your corn water."

sneak peek from a video I’m currently exporting

A new Emily video. What is this? 2009-2010?

I haven't spoken up yet.

But whattravissays aka Travis Neumeyer has now begun sending me harassing messages via Twitter for “creeping on his profile”. He was obviously put off by things I have retweeted, but I don’t care. He’s a creep. I sat back and watched while he fucked around with 3 of my friends at the exact same time (names withheld for obvious reasons), making them very upset and uncomfortable. I hate him, and he can’t stand it.

Rumors were started here on Tumblr about a youtuber named Travis of WhatTravisSays. They were bad rumors that made Travis seem like a really bad person, and these…

ofHfizzylimon:

- Laci Green on Sam Pepper  (”overwhelmingly people believe the rapist”)

- Hayley G. Hoover on Alex Day  ( “It’s just funny to me that as girls, as young women, part of the rulebook of femininity that you’re taught to follow from a young age is that you don’t speak up when people hurt you. If someone is horrible to you it’s still your job not to make a big deal about it. It’s your job to save your face, and to be a lady, to keep calm, and to not be a drama queen.”

“And because of this, somehow guys have learned that they can do anything they want, because girls won’t speak up about it, and then they’re shocked when they do.”

“Yes, don’t slander someone’s name by making up false information about them. Cool. Also, don’t use your position of power to discredit people far far below you on the power scale.”) Here are testimonials from fans, with links to support they knew him wherever possible: Carson is the girl in the video and the girl he references in his video. Here are screen caps from there first email exchange where he makes sure she knows he doesn’t reach out to fans often.  JujuBeans360 invited Travis to Internet Prom. His texts made her uncomfortable, especially considering how young she was and how old he was. When she let him know, he reacted poorly.  OtterLovers4Ever has shared that she was a fan who had a romantic relationship with Travis and didn’t want to believe Carson’s story, but slowly as she read accounts from other people, things started to fall into place for her.  And from folks who used to be his friends: Reinix, who said he’s manipulative as fuck, and that though things never got too far, he really did try. Not sure if Sama was a fan first or a friend, but that he’s commented on her video here lets me know they were acquainted. She just echoes Reinix’s sentiments. 

hopeonatenspeed weighed into the conversation about how he tried to manipulate her, and how she realized it quickly, but he tried to tell her that he hadn’t done anything jerky. Not only were they pals, but you can hear her start her Youtube boys get me hot song with a lyric about him. You can also see him everywhere in the comments of that video, and if you listen long enough, you’ll hear her mention FizzyLimon, Justtubed (@thejealousone) and ckXcore, all friends from that skype call.  Justtubed didn’t have any personal uncomfortable interactions with Travis, but I used to chat with him about things years ago and will back me up about the ways in which Travis made me feel uncomfortable, or like he was being shady.  Fizzylimon has been replying in this thread, but he’s spoken about his friendship with Travis, which was formed before either of them really had much of a youtube following. You can read his account of why he’s no longer friends with Travis here.  I’ve posted a ton about this (I’m @Chateauofadoubt). He’s been deleting or hiding my comments on his video on youtube. Here’s a link to a video where you can find, in the description, a link to a comic I made him for his birthday about him making partner, and letting me know about it first. Here’s how I recounted my time with him after seeing Carson’t tumblr post a year ago, before digging up old texts / emails / skype convos. Here’s an email I sent to him, in response to a voicemail he’d left me, after a fight we had on the phone waayyy after he went off the grid, and way after I decided he was a lying, shady dude. 

just incase anyone still thinks we didn’t know travis well enough to be telling you the truth…

MASSIVE SHOUT-OUT TO WHATTRAVISSAYS.TUMBLR.COM

apparently he didn’t claim that handle when he joined tumblr and someone else has taken it to reblog all of the posts about his abuse and that makes me SO VERY HAPPY

check them out here

why are ppl saying my “story” has changed? it’s literally exactly the same. i hit on all the same points. and i forgot some of them but here i’ll jog everyone’s memories:

1) He wanted me to be sexual with my sisters, would get mad if I said no and that it repulsed me, and instead used their toothbrushes to fuck myself with

2) He wanted to have a daughter so we could have an incestuous family.

3) He wanted me to get fucked by a pet dog.

4) He wanted me to take nudes in public places, like corners of my high school and in my backyard, and I did.

5) He wanted to drug and rape me, and said that he wanted his friends to join in.

6) He came to Chicago, picked me up in a car, drove me to a discrete location, paraded around the streets, squeezing my ass and cupping my pussy, and I’d tell him to stop groping but he’d still grab on, and when i put my hands on his arm to move him away, he’d grip me tighter. He threw me against a brick wall and I hit my head really hard on it and he made out with me and touched me again, and he did this as people walked by.

7) He led me to a dark ditch in this small strip of grass next to a cemetery, threw me into the ditch, took my pants off & gave me oral sex. When I made noise, he told me to “shut the fuck up.” Then he rolled me onto my stomach and held my head down and forced me to give oral sex til he came in my mouth.

8) After this happened, he posted a selfie of the both of us, and later on, he texted me a pic he took of me when I was getting forced to give oral.

9) He told me I was the only one, but he was abusing other girls and women, as well.

10 ) He was constantly getting mad at me, esp if I didn’t follow his strict rules for nudes, and would yell and me and call me “bitch” and “slut” and would tell me I’m not good enough for anything, and sometimes he’d disappear for days at a time to try and scare me, and he made me feel like I needed him. 

So yea I hope that’s good enough for y’all and I hope that jogged everyone’s memories.

trying to comment all these links on youtube isn’t working.

While it’s obvious someone has to be lying and I wasn’t there so I can’t know who is telling the truth about what, Travis used to lie to me all the time about the dumbest stuff. When I finally cut ties with him, I recall deciding that he must be delusional, as his version of reality never matched up with mine, nor that of others around us. I’m going to link you to some of the tumblr posts. Myself, Steve (FizzyLimon) and Reyna (Reinix) were all pals of his back around 2010. There’s some posts from other people who were just fans of his, too, that had uncomfortable experiences.

  http://fizzylimon.tumblr.com/post/83458161483/on-whattravissays http://fizzylimon.tumblr.com/post/84122251561/with-the-thing-you-reblogged-about-whattravissays http://fizzylimon.tumblr.com/post/115941223735/what-gets-me-about-the-travis-situation-right-now http://reinix.tumblr.com/post/83476827848/on-whattravissays http://reinix.tumblr.com/post/83478578809/he-had-this-alex-carpenter-esque-charm-that-i http://chateauofadoubt.tumblr.com/post/116335544255/an-e-mail-i-sent-to-travis-neumeyer http://chateauofadoubt.tumblr.com/post/116340505030/heres-my-skype-chat-with-p-ive-removed-all http://chateauofadoubt.tumblr.com/post/116450475270/my-one-comment-that-actually-hasnt-yet-been 

 Also, here are posts from people I don’t know. But I took the liberty of googling their user names with Travis’s to confirm they knew each other.

  http://neurocinemania.tumblr.com/post/84091394950/whattravissays https://twitter.com/whattravissays/status/69808112663666688 - the link included is to an unlisted video of her asking him to internet prom and he’s commented on the video. 

 Sama doesn’t say much, she echos Reyna’s story and her tags say that she removed him from snapchat and that he just didn’t stop. http://spellboundsama.tumblr.com/post/83477682101/on-whattravissays

Here’s a video of hers that he commented on: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6lNv3O-3RR4

Here I go. I want to write this because I don’t know what to think about all this. About all those things that people tell about Travis. I’m not a vlogger, so I won’t make a video. And english is not my native language, but I will write this in english anyway, so that the most people can read it….

*Sigh* So many things I can dismantle in this post. i won’t because it’s pointless. However, what I would like to say is he and many  people on the internet who have clearly never been abused or have any experience handling someone who has been abused that’s close to them. Just like depression you don’t just “move on” after someone violated your body and emotional well being. You won’t just wake up and say “Oh well, that was stupid for me to be emotional that someone with over 20,000 subscribers has now called me a liar over what HE did to ME”. Survivors of abuse (physical and emotional) already know what they are feeling is a vicious cycle. It haunts them day and night. imagine that you had something awful to you, let’s say your mother was murdered, and you KNEW it happened, you SAW it happened, but because of a hiccup in the law they were never brought to justice. Wouldn’t you be obsessed, would you just wake up sunshine and flowers?  They know some of their behaviors are obsessive, because their entire life has been flipped upside down when someone they TRUST violated that trust and took absolute advantage of them.  We have a hard time believe some guy on the internet with a cute hair cut and nice blue eyes can be evil. it goes against everything we believe. He’s not scary looking, he’s charming and just seems like a good guy. If we believe that a guy like Travis can do something so awful and evil, who can we trust? But we’ve seen it more often than not on the news things are said like: “This never happens in our quiet neighborhood” or “He was such a nice guy!” or “Everyone loved him he would never hurt a fly” and then come to find out he beats his wife and kids on a regular basis. 

He’s a fucking liar, he’s a manipulator and he’s good at it. Be careful if you’re a young cute woman (or girl) who fan girls hard for him. He feeds off the fame and feeling important and the more you give him that, the more likely he will sweet talk you into being his next young woman to groom. I know first hand the slow and steady manipulation he does. He is the definition of an abuser. Just go and do a simple Google search for “signs of emotional abuse”, if you’ve known him, compare notes. Compare how many times he’s disappeared on you, ignored you for days even weeks after an argument and had some crazy story as to why. Then somehow makes YOU feel bad for being critical of his disappearance, or gets upset with YOU because you don’t want to be friends anymore. Convinces you that you’re the source of his stress and when you try to end the friendship/relationship he calls/texts, constantly. Sending texts like “I miss you” or appealing to a common interest. How many fights/blame games he’s done with you. If you ended up having an online sexual relationship with him under the premise that he loved you and you’ve convinced yourself you have also fallen for him, only to be met with his demands of “love” to be sexually explicit pictures that never seemed to be enough for him and rarely anything back from him. If your relationship (physical or emotional) never felt like you were doing enough for him and felt one sided. Even though you did everything you possibly could to be who he projected what you wanted to be for him. 

I realize a few words on the internet doesn’t do anything for this. In fact, maybe it makes it worse, but the fact that Travis could not admit to what he’s admitted to other people and STILL making MONEY off of his channel for people under the premise that he’s a good guy and we should feel bad for him, is pathetic and pisses me the hell off. He’s not a good guy. It may take years for his fame to crumble for good when the cops get involved, but one of these days we’ll see he isn’t on the internet because he’s paying for what he did. When that happens we’ll hear the same “He seemed like such a good guy” comment again. 

This commentary is so spot on and perfectly captures the relationship I had with him.

please believe what people have to say about travis. 

he tried pretty hard to manipulate me… and it worked for a little while. luckily, i’m very perceptive and very good with people. so it didn’t take long for me to realize what was going on and for me to kick him out of my life. 

he tried to start up a friendship again and get flirty and asked why i didn’t want to. when i said “because you were an asshole to me and i don’t waste time on assholes.” he flat out tried to convince me that everything i brought up just didn’t happen? but in like a really gross and skillful kind of way. 

he is so. good. at being a jerk. believe the people he was a jerk to. please. 

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8kPyqEUDQc8

This video of Carson responding to Travis’s video painting himself as the victim breaks my heart so much.

please read this oh my god

I want to do this with my niece

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