Elizabeth 🌻

omfg im laughing so hard i fell asleep on my keyboard last night and i just found this

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One entire row of ‘f’s takes 10 seconds to type. There are 45 lines per page, so you take 450 seconds per page. You claim to have typed 184 pages, which would take a total of 82800 seconds, or exactly 23 hours. You are a liar

You forgot that she was holding down the key. This accelerates the rate at which the f’s appear; once the ‘f’s appear at a rapid rate, it’s about 3.4 seconds per line. Also, 45 lines per page is generous - I counted and given that the page is Times New Roman, 12pt font, it’s about 41 lines. 

This means that it’s 139.4 seconds per page, times 184 is 25649.6 seconds, and that rounds out to about 7.1 hours, or 7 hours 7 minutes. 

It’s perfectly reasonable for her to have slept!

we owe so much to the mathematicians in this site

when you are doing a group activity in class and your teacher puts the smart kid in your group

When you are doing a group activity in class and you’re the smart kid.

DIY

Turn loose glitter in to press glitter

i really like stickers but at the same time i don’t because once you stick them somewhere that’s it, it’s finished, and i’m just not emotionally stable enough for that responsibility

I have been waiting for this post my whole life.

I was trying to explain this to someone one day and they basically told me I was crazy.

Omg. Omg. Omgggggg

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😭😭😭💀

Am I the only one who thinks she looks like Micheal Jackson

No, but you’re the only one who has never heard Smooth Criminal.

When my son was 15 he was finally about to go to his first big party. I had a sit down with him and had the drug and alcohol talk. I told him I suspect they will drugs and alcohol at the party and he should be very careful of what he does for there are consequences for everything.

Well I had this conversation with him on a Wednesday (party was on a Friday)

That following Thursday I noticed the grass was getting a bit tall, I kept my mouth shut though normally my son and I would cut it together.

Friday night came around, my son was heading to the party and I said “Son don’t drink, and don’t come home drunk” he promised he wouldn’t…I knew my son though.

Sure as shit enough come 2 AM he came home drunk as could be. So know what I did?

I prepared him a nice hearty sandwich and a nice cool glass of water. I sat down with him as he ate his sandwich in awe, I was supportive of him. I didn’t scold him, I didn’t say he was stupid. He apologized for being drunk, I made sure he got to bed safely.

We all went to bed, next morning at 8:30 AM in the morning I walked into his room with a two pans and made a huge racket, scared the shit out of him, it unsettled his stomach and he threw up on his bed. Dragged him out, he got dressed gave him a glass of water and told him “Now your going cut that grass”

He looks at me and goes “now?” and I go “yes now” he goes “Can I do it tomorrow” I said “nope gotta do it now” he goes “why now? why not this evening?” I said “This is your punishment” he goes “but I thought everything was ok?!?” I responded “why do you think that?” he said “Cause you made me a sandwich and water and didn’t seem angry at all” I responded “never said you weren’t in trouble, but no sense in yelling at a drunk man, now go outside and start cutting the grass. He of course went for the riding lawn mower.

I said “Use the push” he looks at me in disbelief he goes “but…” I go “but nothing your using the push today”

I have 2 acres of land…using a push takes a LONG TIME

He mowed that yard, I sat in the lawn chair with a nice cool glass of tea and supervised.

My son to this day still doesn’t like to drink.

I come from a family of alcoholics. It was important to nip this shit in the bud quickly.

No parent should have an “if I get deported” conversation with their child.

having your friends phone like

Where ya goin bitch