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@smeezeone / smeezeone.tumblr.com

Emileigh, 27, Kansas, America. I blog shit that I find hilarious,important, or attractive.
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Every word that starts with an N should have a silent G in front. Gnorway. Gnuclear. Gnervous system. Gnipples.

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esoanem

At some point my brain decided based on the word knee that body parts beginning with a n sound should have a silent k (particularly the word neck) so I am against gnipples wholeheartedly, it should clearly be knipples!

How about a compromise? Gn words and kn words get switched. So now it’s gneecaps and gnowledge, but it’s also knome and Knosticism.

the problem with this is that it doesn’t account for the original dilemma, which was gnipples vs. knipples 

I, for one, think it should be pnipples, like pneumonia 

Okay, but what about mnipples, like ‘mnemonic’?

Gkpmnipples (pronounced “nipples”)

This is the kind of content I remain for. (and y'all provide on the regular, I love you)

Female presenting gkpmnipples

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The Himba (singular: OmuHimba, plural: OvaHimba) are indigenous peoples with an estimated population of about 50,000 people living in northern Namibia, in the Kunene Region (formerly Kaokoland) and on the other side of the Kunene River in Angola. The OvaHimba are a semi-nomadic, pastoralist people, culturally distinguishable from the Herero people in northern Namibia and southern Angola, and speak OtjiHimba, a variety of Herero, which belongs to the Bantu family within Niger–Congo. The OvaHimba are considered the last (semi-) nomadic people of Namibia.

The Himba often cover themselves with otjize paste, a cosmetic mixture of butterfat and ochre pigment, to cleanse the skin over long periods due to water scarcity and protect themselves from the extremely hot and dry climate of the Kaokoland as well as against mosquito insect bites. The cosmetic mixture, often perfumed with the aromatic resin of the omuzumba shrub, gives their skin and hair plaits a distinctive orange or red-tinge characteristic, as well as texture and style. Otjize is considered foremost a highly desirable aesthetic beauty cosmetic, symbolizing earth’s rich red color and blood the essence of life, and is consistent with the OvaHimba ideal of beauty. The OvaHimba are also accustomed to use wood ash for hair cleansing due to water scarcity.

Hairstyle and jewelry play a significant role among the OvaHimba, it indicates age and social status within their community. An infant or child will generally have his head kept shaven of hair or a small crop of hair on his head crown. This soon is sculptured to one braided hair plait extended to the rear of the head for young boys and young girls have two braided hair plaits extended forward towards the face often parallel to their eyes. This style is called ozondato, the form of wear being determined by the oruzo membership (patrilineal descent group). The style remains during preadolescence until reaching puberty. Some young girls, with exception, may also have one braided hair plait extended forwards, which means they are one of a pair of twins.

OvaHimba girl

OvaHimba girl dancing

OvaHimba boy

OvaHimba girl, one of a set of twins!

OvaHimba children, both boys and girls, removing ticks from goats.

From pubescence, boys continue to have one braided hair plait.

A young man wearing a braid known as ondatu. Namibia. Photo by Nigel Pavitt

Once they reach puberty, OvaHimba girls will have many otjize textured hair plaits, some arranged to veil the girl’s face. 

This girl is going through puberty, a fact made plain by her hairstyle, which has been designed to cover her face and help her avoid male attention. The puffs at the bottom are either goat hair or synthetic.

(In daily practice, the hair plaits are often tied together and held parted back from the face.) 

This girl’s braids are arranged to reveal her face, indicating that she’s ready to be married.

Women who have been married for about a year, or have had a child, wear an ornate headpiece called the Erembe, sculptured from sheepskin, with many streams of braided hair, coloured and put in shape with otjize paste. 

Married women wearing erembe

Unmarried young men continue to wear one braided hair plait extended to the rear of the head. When Himba men marry, they start wearing turbans, which they never take off unless someone in the village dies. After a death, their heads are shaved.  Because the turbans are never removed, things can get a little itchy underneath, so men carry pointed arrow-like instruments to scratch it with.

Married OvaHimba men. #s 1 and 3 wear a scratching implement in their turbans.

Widowed men will remove their cap or head-wrap and expose un-braided hair. 

Himba widower. The habit of using a head-scratching implement is hard to break.

Wow this is the first time I’ve seen a culture where men are required to wear a headdress after marriage.

every single person in this post is absolutely stunning

Nnedi Okorafor’s novella trilogy Binti has a Himba main character. Otijze is even a plot point.

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witchaj
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OMFG

HOLY

I wasn’t ready

ml8807

Holy shit I didn’t see that coming.

😭😭😭😭🙄😩

Source: bluesey
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the cha cha slide in full metal armor

“sliiide to the left”

*indescribably loud screeching of metal against asphalt*

“one hop this time”

*clonk*

“two hops this time”

*clonk clonk*

“everybody clap your hands!”

*clankclankclankclankclank*

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snakeybones

Ask and ye shall receive ft. my drunk ass Any other requests? Send ‘em my way! 

this is peak fucking comedy

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reblogged

Thinking a lot about the time I saw an advert for a movie in Norway that was like “FULL FART,” which means essentially “full speed” and like I KNEW “fart” means “speed” and I’d never found that funny before but I’d also never encountered a romcom movie poster with a couple laughing under the words FULL FART and I was like okay keep it together youre the only American here you have to be mature and not make all English speakers look bad

But then the Austrian dude with us saw it and absolutely lost his mind and I was like oh thank GOD dude it says FULL FART!!!!!!!!!!

so i’m swedish and a friend of the family we’re skiing in the alps. anyway the friends daughter were also skiing, she must have been about 10 or so at the time. so she lost control and was about to crash into a group of people and she yelled at full force “i have no fart control”. imagine being out skiing and a 10 year old coming at you in full fucking speed, not slowing down at all, yelling that they can’t control their farts. amazing

I guess you could say she was going… full fart.

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So everyone is clear on the “Witch Hunt”

Hillary Clinton Benghazi “Investigation

  • 4 years
  • 0 indictments
  • 0 convictions
  • Hillary Clinton Email “Investigation”
  • 2 years
  • 0 indictments
  • 0 convictions

Trump-Russia Investigation

  • 15 months
  • 41 Indictments/Charges (Individuals) (and counting)
  • 3 Indictments/Charges (Companies)
  • 5 GUILTY pleas (and counting)
  • 4 CONVICTIONS (and counting)
  • Roger Stone Adviser Obstruction of proceeding SCO 1 Indicted
  • Making false statements SCO 5 Indicted
  • Witness tampering SCO 1 Indicted
  • Indicted: Roger Stone
  • Indicted: Paul Manafort
  • Indicted: Rick Gates
  • Indicted: George Papadopoulos
  • Indicted: Michael Flynn
  • Indicted: Michael Cohen
  • Indicted: Richard Pinedo
  • Indicted: Alex van der Zwaan
  • Indicted: Konstantin Kilimnik
  • Indicted: 12 Russian GRU officers
  • Indicted: Yevgeny Prigozhin
  • Indicted: Mikhail Burchik
  • Indicted: Aleksandra Krylova
  • Indicted: Anna Bogacheva
  • Indicted: Sergey Polozov
  • Indicted: Maria Bovda
  • Indicted: Dzheykhun Aslanov
  • Indicted: Vadim Podkopaev
  • Indicted: Irina Kaverzina
  • Indicted: Gleb Vasilchenko
  • Indicted: Internet Research Agency
  • Indicted: Concord Management
  • Guilty Plea: Michael Flynn
  • Guilty Plea: Michael Cohen
  • Guilty Plea: George Papadopolous
  • Guilty Plea: Richard Pinedo
  • Guilty Plea: Alex van der Zwaan
  • Guilty Plea: Rick Gates
  • Over 191 Criminal Charges (and counting):
  • Conspiracy against the USA (2 counts)
  • Conspiracy to launder money (2 counts)
  • Bank fraud (8 counts)
  • Bank fraud conspiracy (10 counts)
  • I Subscribing to false tax returns (10 counts)
  • Making false statements (6 counts)
  • Failure to file reports of foreign bank accounts (14 counts)
  • Unregistered agent of a foreign principal (2 counts)
  • False FARA statements (2 counts)
  • Subscribing to false tax returns (10 counts)
  • Assisting in preparation of false tax documents (5 counts)
  • Conspiracy to defraud the United States (13 counts)
  • Conspiracy to commit wire fraud and bank fraud (2 counts)
  • Aggravated identity theft (24 counts)
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