A Bisexual’s Ode to Lesbians
My bisexual ladies out there... seriously, stop it. Okay, let me backtrack. I saw a post about a bisexual woman talking to a lesbian about “forgive and forget” with regard to oppression from straight people. And it really got me thinking. One of my best friends is a lesbian (hi, @veganamazon), and I am a bi woman. I have a very strong preference for women, but I am also in a long-term-leading-to-marriage relationship with the cis-iest cis man there ever was. I don’t really like getting into conversations about which of us is more or less oppressed. She doesn’t, either. But the fact is, it behooves both of us to unite as wlw, and to conquer fucking homo/biphobes together. THAT SAID... I get really fucking sick of bi women who talk over lesbians. Do I think there are particular things that face bi women in particular? Yes. We are subject to so much domestic violence, to sexual assault, etc. We are often shunned for not being “gay enough”, not to mention the small sect of lesbians who I have literally seen calling us “dick riders” and the like. But you know what? Our hands aren’t clean, either. I remember when I first realized I was bi, this epiphany I had, when I was 15. I realized I was bi and I buried it deep, deep down for four years. I think it was better for my mental health and self-esteem when I did finally come out at 19. But I won’t pretend this experience, common to so many wlw, was as traumatic for me as it was for lesbians. Like at least I had genuine attraction to men to fall back on. It made it less painful (but painful, still) to ignore that part of myself. I’m just done playing the game of “who is more oppressed than who”. How about we depart Tumblr politics that divide lesbians and bisexual women and acknowledge the ways we are different and benefit from privilege in certain circumstances, and also the ways our lives are great or not-so-great and band together in support? Because my life has been a hell of a lot more productive since I embraced the wlw community for the beautiful thing that it is. I’m tired of separating myself from lesbains. But I am also done with bisexuals who are playing the Oppression Olympics with lesbians who only want the best for all of us.