Cycling through the town surrounded with this beautiful scenery brought peace to my troubled mind. Really brings me back to how carefree I was as a child. Just hearing gears working, birds chirping, everyone’s heavy breathing as we rode the bicycle for minutes. Priceless. I wish I could do it more often.

Tam Coc, Hanoi, Vietnam | Agfa Vista 200 Expired 10/2019

2019 was the worst. I was in a very toxic work environment that I decided to resign when I got an opportunity but it even made things worse because I was treated like shit until my last day of service. My efforts were futile every time I tried going back to a hobby I once loved. I lost friends along the way. I lost myself.

But I’m thankful that it’s over. I haven’t completely found myself and the paths aren’t as clear as day, but I know I’m walking towards a goal to become a better version of myself. It’s not as easy as pressing a reset button, it’s like playing at a slower speed and rewinding sometimes so I can learn from my mistakes in the past.

I finally got into a company where I wanted to stay and loved what I’m working on. I am starting with a new hobby that I’m completely enjoying (thanks to my sister). I’m catching up with my friends--just a few but my most cherished ones. I’m slowly finding myself.

Hello 2020! Hello me!

Wishing everyone all the best this year and the years to come!

Sometimes, I feel like I'm not achieving that much at this point. I'm just working at home, sometimes preferring sleep because I get tired too often. It's the same cycle.

My batchmates in high school and college have been doing great in their life so far. Getting involved in big organizations, taking post-graduate studies, travelling to different places, and just basically having a much better outlook in life. I don't have any. I'm still demotivated.

I wish I could be better, but how? I wish I could just convince myself it's okay. I wish I could just say to myself that I should take it slow.

Funny how things today weren't even part of my plans before.

It happens in ways you wouldn't expect. Just like before, I was firm to take up computer engineering just because I didn't want to have the same degree with my sister. I ended up taking up and graduated the same course. I was sure of working in Manila with my sister after graduating but ended up staying in Davao because I can't leave our mom behind. I never really considered the idea of finding a remote job, but guess what...

Even though things didn't go as planned, I am contented to where I am. But the more I encounter experiences such as these, I can't help but become too uncertain of what's going to happen in the future. I am not so sure if I should be worried or thinking about it. The uncertainty is still bearable for now.

Wala lang. Sometimes you just gotta trust the One above. Even though it's a path you're unsure of or a path you're not even sure why you're there, it's something better for you and you just have to trust the process.

I actually got a new baby, because I was so fixated with the idea of owning a Canon Autoboy 3 because it's quite on par with Contax T2 which costs $$$$$.

Finished two Kodak Colorplus 200 and I was planning to have them developed and scanned in a local photohouse but I had too many errands to handle yesterday and I kinda hoped for Kodak Photohouse in Victoria to be still in the film business, but I don't think they still are.

I am just so tired lately. I have no motivation to work and it's bad when you work from home. I sleep 10 hours or more each day and I wish I could change that. I'm completely demotivated even when I'm trying to discipline my self. The more days I let this pass, the more I lose when it comes to self-control.

I don't know where to start. My self-esteem has depleted that much in a span of weeks. I don't know where to find motivation. I don't know what I need. I'm basically lost... I guess?

Funny how this started with my implusive purchase to being lost. Totally when 360 on that.

Dear Bingo,

My precious one. I know it’s been just months, but you were close to my heart. It’s like you were the reincarnation of Nova, a puppy who is just as beautiful and energetic as you are. I was sad to know Nova left the world while I was not by his side, but I realized he probably never wanted me to cry. Now that you’re gone, I am sad, crying for hours, and even crying as I’m writing this but I’m thankful that you have spent the last few days with me within each other’s reach.

The dogs in our house are actually not ours to begin with. It was my relatives whom I currently live with. But both of my mom and I have been trying our best to take care of them. In the end, it was both of us who cried so much because we weren’t really taking care of you just because we don’t have a choice, because we really love you even though we aren’t your owners. I enjoy seeing your face light up with your tail wagging before I go inside the gate. I was always so worried for you. You were getting thinner and weaker day by day, we tried our best but nothing really changed.

When I heard your cry which was actually your last, I hesitated at first because I couldn’t bare the idea of you gone. I hope you saw me on the window looking at you, I hope you will remember that we love you even until your last breath, heck, we love you wherever you are.

Remembering your very last moment still brings tears to my eyes. I had to stop midway, I had to wipe the tears. My precious one, we love you so much. Please visit me in my dreams so I can you again.

Love, Ate

Say hey to my new baby!

My new point and shoot film camera just arrived!

As I mentioned before, it wasn’t really in my mind to buy a new film camera. My sister asked me for help to find some nice point and shoot film cameras, so I decided to go around some online shops on Facebook and Instagram.

So, I came across a Nikon point and shoot camera which I think is a good option, and I started to look at sample photos and I really got hooked with how the photos turned out. That was when I finally decided to buy one for myself (without my sister knowing, hehe).

I was really interested with Minolta cameras for some reason so when this shop released an available Minolta point and shoot camera, I immediately checked the sample photos and boy, were they good. It was really cheap for what I allotted, so I immediately grabbed the chance to buy it. They shipped it last Friday and it just arrived!

I can’t wait to try this one! I still need to buy batteries and some film rolls too. For film photography enthusiasts out there, I’d love to hear some suggestions!

Yesterday, I just got my impacted wisdom tooth removed and bought a new point and shoot film camera!

The operation was 3 hours long. I even cried. Good thing, my eyes were covered with cloth which was drenched in my tears. Once we got home, I was so tired that I went immediately to sleep and woke up 3 hours later and slept again. I felt like I was going to be down with a fever, but I drank lots of water and felt a little bit better. I work Tuesday-Saturday, so I was supposed to wake up early but when I woke up, the meeting was canceled so I went back to sleep again because my body is not in good condition to work.

My sister was asking me to help her find a point and shoot film camera that takes AA batteries under 3,000 pesos. So I tried looking around and became interested too. So I bought this Minolta Riva 70 camera and I can’t wait to get it! It’s still on the way and I still need to buy a CR123A battery and some rolls.

Can’t wait to post some photos if I can!

2016 in a nutshell

It's time to make bawi! I tried to go back to 2016, and I realized it was then when I was slowly becoming busier by the day, and posts weren't as often as it used to.

So, here's a post to wrap up 2016!

Hello, for the millionth time?

I just realized it’s been months already!

I have promised myself and you  all the time about coming back and doing a revamp on my blog but to no avail, nothing has changed. Every time I wanted to post something, I always stop myself from doing it since I haven’t done any improvements on the look of my blog and my posts are just stacked in my drafts.

But finally, I’m back with a new layout! I’d love to listen some of your feedback and comments.

My involvement in the IT industry has changed my views on web design and development. I used to be really enthusiastic in working on the front-end side, thinking about user experience with all the transitions I like to put on my blog. But I have shifted to back-end, which focuses more on the processes that happens in the background of a system, and I think my judgment on blog designs and layouts have been really dull so I wasn’t that confident enough to revamp my entire blog. I’m telling you, I have attempted multiple times to revamp my blog and I have a lot of layout drafts, but I scrapped them all.

But despite all that, I managed to come up with a simple design because I think it was kind of a fulfillment to come up with something simple yet easy for people to look around. I know it isn’t as interactive (with all the link and navigation transitions) as before, but I guess this is, for now, the best that I can do.

I’m back for good! Maybe I’ll slowly post some things that I should’ve posted years ago. I’m so happy to be finally back!

It’s Jean by the way! And another thing, I got to access my itscreamie blog again! But I won’t be updating that blog anymore.

Blog update!

I really got busy the past few months, I’m so sorry!

Working on a new look for the blog, hoping I can work on new free themes for everyone, and getting ready for my posts to be posted in this blog (I swear I think I’ve got tons to share). Thank you so much for staying despite the hiatus. Love you all! Hope you have a great day! See you soon.

It’s been a year.

I realized I haven’t been here for a whole year, more than that to be quite specific. A lot happened in a year, and come to think of it, I haven’t even blogged about anything in 2017 that I’ve always wanted to share.

I suddenly missed blogging.

In a span of one year, funny how I got into two different situations. I struggled everyday as a college student and now, I struggled first few steps of “adulting”. I will try my very best to go back to blogging because I always get the urge of sharing something. I missed everything!

P.S.: I finally accessed my itscreamie blog again! But I won’t go back to that account. It’s funny how it’s been yeeears since I opened that account because I forgot my credentials for that account. I’d love to go back to making themes again!

Life Lately

This is a very long post, considering I haven't been around for years. I haven't been doing this 'Life Lately' post, I have been always late at making these. Took this picture at Myeongdong, Seoul. (Post-processed by yours truly, I know I’m not that good yet huhu)

I know there’s still much to catch up to say, but I don’t know what to say anymore. Saying that life lately has been great is an understatement.

Hello, my old friend.

I know I have been pretty busy. I don’t know the last time I made a blog post. I don’t know the last time I opened this (except for yesterday, I was quite hesitant to post something and I ended up posting today). I don’t know if anyone still remembers me here, but if you do, then hey!

A lot of things have happened for the past years (because I think I haven’t posted in years?) and I wished I had time to share it with everyone. For some reason, I didn’t have much motivation to go here.

I realized I have been bottling up a lot of things that I had and wanted to say. And it just feels quite nice to back. (I do hope I’m back for good.)

Just a quick update on myself: I’m on my final year (computer science major), I went to Seoul, South Korea as a part of my scholarship grant from Google, passed our undergrad thesis with no revisions, I’m on to my final semester!