find me at my new blog! thank you guys for those who’ve been sticking around,  needed a fresh start <3

notice;

after some careful thought and consideration, i’m going to be archiving this blog and remaking roxas. i’ll be under the same url, just on a different account. i need a fresh start, and this dash makes me feel constricted. thank you for understanding, i’ll make another post after i’ve successfully moved.

roxas needs a new theme but i’ll cry if i have to change the color scheme

lays down in here

( Lifeline. ★* )

                  ❛ … i dunno.

     ceaselessly silenced with muted solemnity, intensity flared under the protection of transparency; she calls for his intention when all else fails, asks for forgiveness when he has none to give. perhaps, he can learn to construct, given she doesn’t erode first.

                  ❛ with you, everything feels … natural.

-— how does roxas view himself? how does he see those like sora and riku?

     this post is all over the place, i apologize. but to start — roxas in days is very different (at the beginning, at least) from roxas in kingdom hearts 2. the following explains the differences in order to help me better describe this thought and answer the questions, so if you’re not interested in reading my long explanation, just hold the command/control + f keys and search for “tl;dr” !

     roxas, at the beginning of kingdom hearts 358/2 days, is almost completely like a clean slate. he doesn't remember what it was like to be whole (i mean, he is whole of course as he continues to grow, but he does not realize this and either way, he doesn't remember what it was like). the game comments on this directly, with axel having called him a zombie after he arrived. this is shortly after he came into creation. i never quite understood as to how they were able to locate him right after he came into being, but that isn't really important. what IS important is that they found him and xemnas realized that he looked VERY similar to someone he knew in his past. because of who he resembles, the organization takes roxas in and hopes to shape him into their tool. so, roxas having no recollection of his past whatsoever, is fed all this information that the organization threw at him in order to make him useful and loyal. these people are the first ones he comes into direct contact with and because he doesn't remember anything but THEY DO, he finds legitimacy in what they say, because he believes their experience is able to back up whatever they give him. if roxas is given only what he needs to know from people he assumes he can trust, he tends to go along with it.

     however, he can get pretty curious, especially when someone he doesn't really know gives him information to something that was never explained, whether or not it's directly said or shown to him. but, this next fact is important — roxas always went to AXEL with questions. axel kind of — took ownership of roxas when he first showed up. i don't really know why he favored roxas (i theorize and believe that axel was using him as a replacement for isa but i don't actually know why he picked ROXAS above anyone else in the organization, that's not a question for me) but he did and because he kinda imposed himself on roxas, roxas just assumed axel was the person he was supposed to be going to.

     roxas, being this clean slate but shaped by those that he spent extended amounts of time with, is pretty reserved and soft. throughout the game, he isn't really one to be aggressive or to rebel. over time, as all this bullshit is basically being shoved down his throat (roxas is kind of oblivious, but he isn't stupid), he just gets more aggressive and less loyal. he starts to branch off and become independent. all in all, roxas by the end of days is closer to how he is in kh2, he's more aggressive and prone to asking a lot of questions, the only difference is that now he has his past year full of experiences to live by.

     then, his memories get wiped out because of diz and riku who need roxas to be isolated from the organization, so they can return him to sora. at this point, roxas is just more — cautious and condensed in kh2 if you will, and he's more brave and outspoken. he wasn't always this way to begin with of course, he was a pretty smooth teenager. roxas is his own indicator — because he's this way, he himself is proof that his relationship with the organization as a whole was very destructive.

     he thinks about himself differently depending on the time frame. at the beginning of days, he doesn't really think about it too much since he doesn't have a lot to go on, and nothing prompted it. he never was forced to question his existence since people told him what he was useful for. throughout the middle towards the end of days, he was getting irritable with people skirting around the point and not telling him what he wanted to know. it's not as though he thought he was a bad person necessarily, i think that he didn't really think about it too much either, but if you asked him he would tell you something ambiguous such as "i'm a strong person who just wants to find out why i'm here." in kh2 after his memories are wiped out, you get the sense that he feels threatened by this organization; i think a part of him subconsciously recognizes that they're trying to find him because he left. he doesn't like the presence of people with cloaks around him during this time frame, it makes him uneasy. i think that, while he may have not assumed they were bad people, he felt that they weren't to be trusted. this week that roxas has is the only week where he sees himself as a pretty normal and decent person. even as naminé drops hints into his past he doesn't like associating himself with it, almost kind of taking on this idea that this week made him a different person. when he goes back into sora, it's here he finds himself again. he's got all those hollowed out memories returned to him and it comes in one single wave — and it's so painful and terrible that it puts sora in physical pain when roxas shows this to him. when he's here with sora, he's content. he understands that the people he was with were people that he shouldn't have wasted his time with, but he never thought he was a bad entity or he was a negative presence.

     roxas thinks he was genuine and he was a pretty decent person. he didn't think that what he was doing could be considered bad, and he wouldn't like it if people said that he was worthless or that he was a harmful being. he just really wanted to be whole, he had good intentions and he knew it, even if he knew nothing else. but, roxas doesn’t use these self-aware thoughts to justify his reasoning about having a right to exist. when he’s provoked, he likes to argue points that would validate his feelings of entitlement, but now that he’s returned to sora and he sees how harmful his existence was to sora’s development, he doesn’t feel as though he deserves to exist even if he unfortunately was constructed regardless of that.

     when it comes to sora and riku and people like that, he thinks that they're good people. he's jealous of them, because they have what he doesn't have. but, if he's speaking to them personally, he would never say that. roxas isn't really the blunt type? unless he's interrogating you. he'd be pretty mellow and just point out that he knows why they got to receive what was so lost to him.

     tl;dr — roxas thought he was pretty decent and he didn't dislike himself. at times, he may have felt negative things about himself, but that's only normal for a teenager like him who's still developing, especially when he knows things about the people he used to be with. he'd never beat himself up for it, but i think a part of him will always regret joining the organization in the first place.

     when it comes to other people such as sora and riku, he likes them. he really likes them and being around them, because they were genuine and real. they have this authenticity in the way they do things that makes roxas appreciate them. he's jealous of them (i mean, who wouldn't be if they were in a situation like his) but he understands why they are what they are, and he sees why he can't have what they have. he knows he cannot exist. he thinks that his presence itself is a threat to sora who he believes is way more deserving to continue than he is, and even if he likes himself and the life he appreciated at one point, he doesn’t feel like he has the jurisdiction to decide whether or not he can survive at the expense of someone else.

( Sora. ★* )

                  ❛ it would if i had one …

     luminous in the sad discrepancies and the blinding heartache that comes with the desolation of it all, heartache that may or may not be branching from him in the first place. in every essence of the word, he can’t feel — or, at least, he’s not supposed to. it’s not his standing; for sora to exist, it never can be.

                             ( pain is a lie — i can’t feel. )

                  ❛ but, it's not about me anymore.

                                                         ( i can never hate you. )

( Vanitas. ★* )

     oh, if only it could be that simple — if only it could pave the way to less frustration and no more misunderstandings — but a simple dismissal isn’t enough to disregard and to dissolve. and roxas ? he knows better than that, he knows every deep wire that threatens to cut and set aside, but he doesn’t understand where all of this is coming from. he can’t discern where the hostility is constructed, and it’s threatening to break him. this is one of his best friends, a brother figure tied through a thick bond and blood-sealed expectancy (they know each other like the back of their hands, a bond of promises and transparent whispers that shaped them into who they are for each other now), and it hurts that he is treating him this way without so much as a valid explanation; he feels as though he deserves one.

                  ❛ i do have a problem — you've been                      blowing me off, and i don't like it.

     breaching with searing conviction and now moving towards the inevitable, there’s no eluding what’s to come. his expression softens at the registration of it all, the atmosphere and the tone lacing every syllable that spills from vanitas’s mouth; but, it doesn’t end there, it can’t. he takes in what he wants to say too, and it only manages to put more cracks in his own delivery. you can’t leave.

                  ❛ i want you to tell me why.

     and here they are, brought to points both would have liked to avoid given the circumstances would decide to play in their favor. but, life never necessarily works out the way anyone really wants it to, and roxas and vanitas certainly are no exceptions. roxas wears a sparked sort of curiosity and animosity all the same, partly driven by the mystery of not knowing why and the anger that comes with every tug at his patience, for he only has so much of it to give in the first place. his friend is notorious for skirting around the point, and he is not looking to let him slip away from giving him answers.

                  ❛ you're not leaving until you tell me                      what your problem with me is.

( Vanitas. ★* )

     [ txt ; bully ] why is that my responsibility? you’re the one who’s telling him what everything means, you should go for it.

( Lifeline. ★* )

     [ txt ; sunshine ] i don't want to fight for his approval; i want this to work.      [ txt ; sunshine ] i didn’t think he would be so difficult about it.

( Cloud. ★* )

     ah, the answer isn’t as satisfying or as relieving as he believes it should be, although whether or not he’s entitled to receive an answer is a different topic entirely.

     ❛ she told me to ask you, which is why i’m here.

( Lifeline. ★* )

     [ txt ; sunshine ] he likes to bag on me a lot.      [ txt ; sunshine ] that’s as far as he goes with me. i wish he didn’t do that.

( Vanitas. ★* )

     [ txt ; bully ] life has a funny definition of ‘luck’.