Head on with my hate, into the lights ahead.

Have surgery, I hurt like hell, come home, shower, and heating up din-din. There is a package from my amazing, amazing Gma Rita @scotts_unofficial_grandmother. I open it up. One was wrapped in purple. Other was multicolor. Went withe the purple. PINK GIRAFFE!! Pink is my fave color and giraffe is my favorite animal (besides puppies). I open the multi colored one, scream and burst into tears. The @scotteastwood magazine I had been wanting. I have an awesome sauce honorary grandmother!! #surgery #drblueyes #pink #giraffe #modernluxury #scotteastwood #sexiestmanalive #manofmydreams #adorkable #azure #azureeyes #mensstyle #mensfashion #moderndayadonis #mentallydatingscotteastwood (at Independence, Missouri)

I haven't been on much lately. Tomorrow I go in for the first round of a few surgeries I have to have. Am I scared? FUCK YES. Am I in a lot of pain? Extremely indescribable, if you want ro use the archaic pain scale, I'm a 17. Anyhow, this picture of Scotty as Pikachu, always makes me giggle/smile. It's my wallpaper/lockscreen. Sorry, @scotteastwood, had to give my Fate of The Furious tix away. Man, did I want to go! Really pissed me off too. It's bedtime now. #surgery #anxiety #scotteastwood #sexiestmanalive #manofmydreams #azure #azureeyes #adorkable #goofball #silly #pikachu #pokemon #watchthevideo #itsahoot #goodnight #enoughwiththehashtagsdorimarie (at Independence, Missouri)

Dearest Paul (@paulwalker), I never had the pleasure of meeting you, but through your movies and you being such an accessible, down to earth, amazing person, I felt like I did. You were very special to my father and I. My father passed ten years ago. You were my celebrity crush, hung in my locker from ages 13-16. I sure hope you are resting easy up there in paradise. You would hate me calling you this, but you are - beautiful - in every sense of the word. That is the only word to describe how incredible your heart and soul were. Rest easy, blue eyed angel. I love you. #paulwalker #resteasy #blueeyedangel #forpaul #iloveyou #Repost @pdubber47 ・・・ True😭😭😭😭💙💙💙 #Repost @paul.walker_73 ・・・ THEY SAY "WHO CARES?", "CAN YOU JUST FORGET HIM? GET OVER HIM" OR "HE WAS JUST AN ACTOR" OR EVEN "HE PLAYED WITH FIRE" YES, HE WAS AN ACTOR, AND HE DID WHAT HE LOVED. BUT MORE THAN THAT HE WAS A FATHER, A SON, A FRIEND AND A BROTHER. HE WAS A HUMANITARIAN, AN OCEAN LOVER, AN ANIMAL LOVER. WE DON'T MOURN HIM BECAUSE HE WAS FAMOUS... WE MOURN HIM BECAUSE WE LOVE HIM, BECAUSE HE WAS REAL... @paulwalker @irene_sophocleous #paulwalker #hewasreal #humanitarian #father #son #arother #animallover #oceallover #mysunandstars #myeverything #myidol #myhero #my❤ #rip #neverforgotten #forever #foreverinourhearts #foreverinourmemories #loveyou #missyoupaul (at Independence, Missouri)

Can't I have this right now? Scotty and puppies in bed with me? That would make me happy. To all of you who don't know, I was at the ER for the fifth time in two weeks. I had tk move my procedure up, I need a biopsy too, pretty scared. Just took my pain pills, just waiting for them to kick in, also took my nighttime meds, took a forty-five minute shower. Gonna get to bed. I'm ordered on bedrest until next week. Fun. Haha. @scotteastwood, you are totally adorkable and your hair is sticking up like Alfalfa! (Dear Darla, I hate your stinkin' guts. You make me sick, you are scuuuuum between my toes. Love Alf-alfa....Jesus I am a ginormous dork.) You're just a cutie with the bluest, azure eyes I have ever seen. Okay, the pain meds are beginning to work, bedtime for bonzo right here! Also, Scott, you look like a good cuddle buddy, when I eventually DO meet you, I am giving you a big bear hug. I'm rambling. Goodnight Scotty and Goodnight friends. #scotteastwood #scotty2hotty #sexiestmanalive #manofmydreams #mrazureeyes #azure #azureeyes #hermososonrisa #adorkable #DORK #thelittlerascals #alfalfa #mentallydatingscotteastwood #instagood (at Independence, Missouri)

He quoted Ricky Bobby. Oh. My. God. You fucking adorkable man, you. Thank you for making my whole day and making me laugh, Scott! You rock! #scotteastwood #sexiestmanalive #manofmydreams #adorkable #DORK #imahugedorktoo #mentallydatingscotteastwood #NASCAR #ifyouaintfirstyourelast #talladeganights #rickybobby #willferrell #shakeandbake #eldiablo #themagicman #iwannagofast #iamsowatchingthattonight #instagood #Repost @scotts_unofficial_grandmother ・・・ He did us proud. @scotteastwood #scotteastwood #instagood (at Independence, Missouri)

I have been thinking about @paulwalker all day. I cried a lot, I felt like I knew him personally. I just can't go into the story behind my love of Paul. I'm emotionally exhausted, and ready for bed. Just wanted to share my home and lockscreens. #paulwalker #blueeyedangel #resteasy #1973_2013 #blueeyes #hermososonrisa (at Independence, Missouri)

Happy Happy Birthday @scotteastwood!! Hope it is filled with puppies and whiskey and cake! Lots of cake. 🎂 🥃🐶 #happybirthday #happybirthdayscotty #adorkable #sexiestmanalive #mentallydatingscotteastwood #1986 #march21st (at Independence, Missouri)

Those eyes, those azure blue eyes, they get me every single time. So stunning, so clear, absolutely bewitching. #scotteastwood #sexiestmanalive #manofmydreams #mcm #mancrushmonday #azure #azureeyes #helloblueeyes #adorkable #mentallydatingscotteastwood #scottywillyoubemycuddlebuddy (at North Kansas City Hospital)

Beautiful. #scotteastwood #sexiestmanalive #manofmydreams #adorkable #mentallydatingscotteastwood #helloblueeyes #azure #azureeyes (at Independence, Missouri)

These are my tattoos today. Only one had a horrible fading issue. @thetattoobetty @tattoosbybeth (both are one of my BFFs/tattoo artists accounts) did about 86% of my tattoos. @fish_tattoos at @thinktanktattoo in Denver did the Morning View koi and NTKY lyrics...Fish, dude I still have the shirt you designed in my top dresser drawer! That was 11 years ago! I crave more ink. Need to sleeve off my right arm. #tattoo #tattoos #tattooartist #inkedandbadass #ilovetattoos #bodyart #imissthesmellofgreensoap #imisstheslowsatisfyingburnofatattooneedle #quirky #ink #inkedgirls #tattooedgirls (at Independence, Missouri)

Legit. #30Rock #lizlemon #jackdonaghy #tinafey #alecbaldwin #comedy #sleepyaf #iamtheblondelizlemon (at Independence, Missouri)

#nostalgia #macbook #itunes #music #boyziimen #llcoolj #heylover #scotteastwood #galaxyS7 #samsung #90smusic #90smusicisbomb (at Independence, Missouri)

@michaeleinziger I found this guitar pick that belonged to you, on a nice silver chain in a jewlery box on top of my record player. I used to wear this all the time, it was and is still very special to me. I put it back around my neck last night. It still works! It's my good luck charm. Mikey, you gave me this guitar pick after an @incubusofficial private show at Bimbo's 365 Club in SF, CA. I met you for the first time that night at The Mezzanine, I was the short blonde girl who squealed with delight at meeting you, and bounced your at the time super bouncy, spiraley hair! We got to talking about the show and somehow got on the subject of guitar picks. I told you I had never had one and that I had also bid on eBay for one and lost. And you asked if I minded if you asked how much. I told you, 40 dollars. Then you dug your hands in your pockets and said...and I will never forget this, Mikey. "Here you go! It's my last one," and you handed it to me, "I hope green is okay." I gave you a big hug. I got a picture with you. (I will post.) And you wandered off into a private room. The writing on both sides has come off, but I don't care. You are the coolest ever, @michaeleinziger!! I can't wait for 8! Hey, that rhymes! #incubus #incubus8 #michaeleinziger #mikeeinziger #mikeyeinziger #guitargod #guitarpick #guitarpicknecklace (at Independence, Missouri)

Dori. #dori #beyou #idontwanttobeperfectijustwanttobebadass #platinumblonde #selfie #gpoy (at Independence, Missouri)

How Scotty responds when I inform him that not only have I showered, but I am about to get a jump start on my reading and homework. (I legit lay like this when I study. Except I only have a twin bed, so I lay horizontally.) Oh how I wish he was here, snuggling me..... That's okay, I have eye candy and my fantasies. Hahaha. Okay...Go Go Gadget Brain! Let's study! #scotteastwood #sexiestmanalive #manofmydreams #celebrityboyfriend #mentallydatingscotteastwood #cuddles #thelongestride #school #schoolwork #homework #fullsail #digitalcinematography #college #collegelife #abouttowatchaTEDtalk #havetotakecopiousnotes #handwrittennotes (at Independence, Missouri)

@puppiesmakemehappy My package arrived on Friday afternoon. My two year old niece happened to be over when I opened it up. Thank you for all the bonus goodies!! My niece freaked out when she saw the tennis ball, she lost her mind with glee. We played catch, I let her keep it. I had to go back upstairs to work on assigned reading and an assignment. So I forgot to post this until right now. I plan on tacking all the cute puppy stuff on my wall. The racerback tank? The most comfortable article of clothing I have ever worn. Sooo soft. It's likr I am wearing nothing. I haven't taken it off since Friday!! Haven't left the house, it's still clean! Again, thank you from the bottom of this broke assed college girl's heart. Next time I'm getting a hat! (Big baseball cap girl). You all rock! Oh! Last picture in the roll is my pup, Bella. She's a Yorkie and she is 9, she's a trip! #puppiesmakemehappy #puppies #puppiesandpizza #iwannaliveonapuppyfarm #puppiesofinstagram #yorkiesofinstagram #bella #clothing #racerbacktank #ladiesclothing (at Independence, Missouri)

Well again it is #mcm and I do not remember seeing this picture. I mean I know it's from Overdrive, I just hadn't seen this still yet. Still trying to calm down from accidentally erasing an entire assignment...I wasn't that far along, I remember most of what I wrote, but still...it's 330a here and I did a weird high pitched noise. I was pissed and exasperated. I may have...I woke my mom up. Hahahaha. The other assignment I have to do? Plan for a resume for my dream job. I got that. I have to pitch myself. I was raised in the professional world, I was taught from an early age on how to sell myself. Plus with my previous film school experience. And knowing people in all entertainment industries...friends. Some may could be famous, but I don't divluge that. Because I don't care if you are Scott Eastwood or fuckin' the hot waiter at Johnny Carino's that me and @megan0ut flirted with in 2005, every human on this earth deserves their privacy. Wow. Okay I must have needed to bitch. Okay. Man Crush Monday....come on April, I wanna see Fast 8! Also the leather jacket, shirt, jeans and shades; goddamn!! Okay, off to do more schoolwork. Catch ya'll lates. #mancrushmonday #scotteastwood #sexiestmanalive #manofmydreams #mentallydatingscotteastwood #college #collegelife (at Independence, Missouri)