“Do ye know what it is to live twenty years without a heart? To live half a man, and accustom yourself to living in the bit that’s left, filling in the cracks wi’ what mortar comes handy?”
“Do I know?” I echoed. I struggled to loose myself, to little effect. “Yes, you bloody bastard, I know that! What did you think, I’d gone straight back to Frank and lived happy ever after?” ~ Voyager
Alive, and one.
We are one, and while we love,
death will never touch us.
~ Dragonfly in Amber, Diana Gabaldon
Outlander Season 3 - Deleted Scene: I Was Trying To Help
Featuring Claire and wee Joanie
Outlander Season 3 - Extended Scene: I Did Not Love Her
Outlander Season 3 - Deleted Scene: Keep Claire Safe
You are my baby, and always will be. You won’t know what that means until you have a child of your own, but I tell you now, anyway - you’ll always be as much a part of me as when you shared my body and I felt you move inside. Always.
I can look at you, asleep, and think of all the nights I tucked you in, coming in the dark to listen to your breathing, lay my hand on you and feel your chest rise and fall, knowing that no matter what happens, everything is right with the world because you are alive.
All the names I’ve called you through the years - my chick, my pumpkin, precious dove, darling, sweetheart, dinky, smudge…I know why the Jews and Muslims have nine hundred names for God; one small word is not enough for love.
I remember everything about you, from the tiny line of golden down that zigged across your forehead when you were hours old to the bumpy toenail on the big toe you broke last year, when you had that fight with Jeremy and kicked the door of his pickup truck.
God, it breaks my heart to think it will stop now - that watching you, seeing all the tiny changes - I won’t know when you stop biting your nails, if you ever do - seeing you grow suddenly taller than I, and your face take its shape. I always will remember, Bree, I always will.
There’s probably no one else on earth, Bree, who knows what the back of your ears looked like when you were three years old. I used to sit beside you, reading “ne Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish,” or “The Three Billy Goats Gruff” and see those ears turn pink with happiness. Your skin was so clear and fragile, I thought a touch would leave fingerprints on you.
You look like Jamie, I told you. You have something from me, too, though - look at the picture of my mother, in the box, and the little black and white one of her mother and grandmother. You have that broad clear brow they have; so do I. I’ve seen a good many of the Frasers, too - I think you’ll age well, if you take care of your skin.
Take care of everything, Bree - oh, I wish - well, I have wished I could take care of you and protect you from everything all your life, but I can’t, whether I stay or go. Take care of yourself, though - for me.
You should know, Bree - I don’t regret it. In spite of everything, I don’t regret it. You’ll know something now, of how lonely I was for so long, without Jamie. It doesn’t matter. If the price of that separation was your life, neither Jamie nor I can regret it - I know he wouldn’t mind my speaking for him.
Bree, you are my joy. You’re perfect, and wonderful - and I hear you saying now, in that tone of exasperation, “But of course you think that - you’re my mother!” Yes, that’s how I know.
Bree, you are worth everything - and more. I’ve done a great many things in my life so far, but the most important of them all was to love your father and you.
Choose a man like your father. Either one of them. Once you’ve chosen a man, don’t try to change him, it can’t be done. More important - don’t let him try to change you. He can’t do it either, but men always try.
Stand up straight and try not to get fat.
With All My Love Always,
Mama
What’s the plan?
I shall take you on my knee and kiss ye.
Then I shall lay you down, twist your hair up in my hand, taste your mouth, throat and bosom with my lips…
“Might you have forgotten him, with time?” “That amount of time doesn’t exist.”
Oooo I can’t wait to see this 😍
I ordered this. Looking forward to it. Why do folks from the UK think we Americans have such strong “Rs” in our speech? Wish Sam had been able to use his own accent rather than a bad American one. Well hopefully it won’t be too distracting.
@contemplatingoutlander That’s what went through my mind as well. Or perhaps sale it that he is Scottish but has been in the States to the point he has a slight accent..
I laugh that you are all moaning about his American accent. When he was in Midsomer Murders and Islands at War I remember thinking how his British accent kept slipping back to Scottish and really wasn’t a fan 🙈 maybe now he’s been with Mackenzie for 2 years his American accent would be better??
Accents are hard I guess @foldingstars295. It was such a cheap production they probably decided not to hire a speech coach. Oh well, I’m sure I’ll enjoy his performance even if he tortures a few “Rs” 😘
LOL As a non-American, and one that’s not sure what an “American Accent” actually sounds like because it’s different in every state, I think he sounds pretty average to me.
Sam Heughan as Jamie Fraser • Outlander S3
“And what did you want to buy so much?” I asked suspiciously. He sighed and hesitated for a moment, then tossed the small package lightly into my lap. “A wedding ring, Sassenach,” he said. “I got it from Ewen the armorer; he makes such things in his own time.” “Oh,” I said in a small voice. “Go ahead,” he said, a moment later. “Open it. It’s yours.”
…Reaching, he took the package from my lap and tore away the wrapping, revealing a wide silver band, decorated in the Highland interlace style, a small and delicate Jacobean thistle bloom carved in the center of each link. So much I saw, and then my eyes blurred again. I found a handkerchief thrust into my hand, and did my best to stanch the flow with it. “It’s … beautiful,” I said, clearing my throat and dabbling at my eyes. “Will ye wear it, Claire?” His voice was gentle now, and his use of my name, mostly reserved for occasions of formality or tenderness, nearly made me break down again. “You needna do so,” he said, looking at me seriously over his cupped palm. “The marriage contract between us is satisfied—it’s legal. You’re protected, safe from anything"
…Forced on me by circumstance, he would force himself on me no longer, if I chose to reject him. And there was the alternative, of course: to accept the ring, and all that went with it.
…I couldn’t speak, but held out my right hand to him, fingers trembling. The ring slipped cool and bright over my knuckle and rested snug at the base of my finger—a good fit. Jamie held my hand a moment, looking at it, then suddenly pressed my knuckles hard against his mouth.
~Outlander, Diana Gabaldon
NEW VIDEO!! jamie & claire || turning page
please like, comment and sub <3
Credit to @outlandermalaysia : Adorable 🐺 @Regranned from @caitrionabalfedaily_ - #CaitrionaBalfe filming the Season 4 today 🎬 (video by @d16nag on twitter.) || #OutlanderSeason4 #Outlander - #regrann
This is one of many Outlander musings that I plan on posting as I make my way through the Outlander book series (again). If you don’t want book spoilers, please blacklist # DM Outlander musings. This one got away from me because it is so complex. Hope you don’t mind :)
Jamie has always affectionately called Claire Sassenach. Sassenach, for every day. Claire, for when he is most serious. He says her Gaelic name, Sorcha, very rarely, because he likes the strange Englishness of her. She is his Sassenach, his light and joy.
There are two moments in the book series where Claire tells Jamie not to call her that, both out of shock and anger (can’t blame you Claire, I threw the book both times these passages snuck up on me). But first, let us revisit the wedding chamber from Outlander:
Outlander, chapter 15
“There are things that I canna tell you, at least not yet. And I’ll ask nothing of ye that ye canna give me. But what I would ask of ye—when you do tell me something, let it be the truth. And I’ll promise ye the same. We have nothing now between us, save—respect, perhaps. And I think that respect has maybe room for secrets, but not for lies. Do ye agree?” He spread his hands out, palms up, inviting me. I could see the dark line of the blood vow across his wrist. I placed my own hands lightly on his palms.
“Yes, I agree. I’ll give you honesty.” His fingers closed lightly about mine.
From the first, honesty and touch were always important themes in Jamie and Claire’s relationship. If there was a chasm between them, these two things (and love of course) could unite them again.
Now, the first example of Claire forbidding Jamie from calling her Sassenach:
Voyager, chapter 34
“You’re no going anywhere, Sassenach. Not until—”
“Don’t call me that!” I shrieked it, surprising both of us. He stared at me for a moment, then nodded.
“All right,” he said quietly. He glanced at the door, now reverberating under the force of the pounding. He drew a deep breath and straightened, squaring his shoulders.
“I’ll go and settle things. Then we’ll talk, the two of us. Stay here, Sass—Claire.” He picked up his shirt and yanked it over his head. Unlocking the door, he stepped out into the suddenly silent corridor and closed it behind him.
She is blindsided by the revelation that not only has Jamie married Laoghaire but that he kept it from her. Claire ends up leaving Lallybroch, dallying on her journey back to the stones as she does a little soul searching. Ultimately, she realizes everything came down to trust and fear; Jamie was afraid she wouldn’t stand by his side if she found out about his new life… and she was afraid he wouldn’t choose her. Young Ian chases Claire down, bringing news that Laoghaire shot Jamie.
Claire returns, tends Jamie, and they begin the process of healing. Jamie is honest, telling Claire of his struggles after his return from England… and of his second marriage. Then…
Voyager chapter 37
There were lines of sorrow around his own closed eyes, and I reached impulsively for his hand. He squeezed it gently and opened his eyes.
Claire closes the gap, reaching for his hands like she did on their wedding night. Honesty, then touch.
The second instance where Claire tells Jamie not to call her Sassenach:
Claire has been blindsided by the allegation that Jamie fathered Malva’s unborn child. Claire ran away, sitting in the woods until Jamie finds her some time later. They are able to talk that through (another post for another time) but Jamie has something he needs to tell her. He speaks of Mary MacNab.
A Breath of Snow and Ashes, chapter 80
“I scarcely noticed her,” I said, trying—and failing—to remember whether she had been there on my last visit. “But I gather you did?”
“No,” he said, and sighed. “Not like ye mean, Sassenach.”
“Don’t call me that,” I said, my voice sounding low and venomous to my own ears.
He made a Scottish noise in his throat, of frustrated resignation, rubbing his wrist.
Jamie tells Claire what happened between he and Mary. That Mary gave him tenderness.
And then…
There was no more than a foot of space between us, but it seemed an unbridgeable gulf. I reached across it and laid my hand on his, the tips of my fingers on his big, weathered knuckles.
Again, Claire reaches for Jamie. Honesty, then touch. Jamie and Claire embrace, both crying for lost, hollow years without tenderness or touch… without each other. Claire tells Jamie she understands why he didn’t tell her before.
And I did. Not only about Mary MacNab and what she had done- but why he’d told me now. There was no need; I would never have known. No need but the need for absolute honesty between us- and that I must know it was there.
I had believed him, about Malva. But now I had not only certainty of mind- but peace of heart.
Both times, Claire tells him not to call her by the name he’s given her. She is angry and vulnerable. She compartmentalizes and stays at a distance emotionally. However, despite leaving the situation both times (even she admits she’s not trying to actually leave), she allows Jamie to speak. She truly listens. Then, when all is honestly laid bare, Claire speaks with her body and uses touch to bridge the gap. Jamie knows then that he can breathe and pull her to himself.
Now I stood with him again upon the summit of life, and could not contemplate descent. He reached down and plucked a stalk of grass, spreading the soft green beards between his fingers. “ ‘Man is like the grass of the field,’ ” he quoted softly, brushing the slender stem over my knuckles, where they rested against his chest. “ ‘Today it blooms; tomorrow it withers and is cast into the oven.’ ” He lifted the silky green tuft to his lips and kissed it, then touched it gently to my mouth.
“I was dead, my Sassenach—and yet all that time, I loved you.” I closed my eyes, feeling the tickle of the grass on my lips, light as the touch of sun and air. “I loved you, too,” I whispered. “I always will.” The grass fell away. Eyes still closed, I felt him lean toward me, and his mouth on mine, warm as sun, light as air.
~Drums of Autumn, Diana Gabaldon
