Fade Away
Spamano Drabble
Summary: A drabble in which Lovino is told that he will disappear to have his brother represent a full Italy. One day, some time after he’s told, he decides to spend his last few hours with Antonio, who is absolutely heart broken.
Based on this post
// I decided to write their human names but have them address each other by their country names since I don’t really like writing them as countries.
// aphcarriedo here you go! Hope you like it!
The day that Lovino had gotten a bruise when playing soccer with his younger brother, and it didn’t heal almost instantly due to his powers as a nation, he did find it kind of odd. Every nation healed much quicker than humans did, since well, they weren’t exactly human. But, anyway, he thought that perhaps it was nothing to worry about, maybe he was just over-thinking it. So, he said nothing of it and only continued on with his days (finding that all and any injuries were taking longer to heal), all up until perhaps three days later that week when he happened to receive a phone call from his boss. He seemed…distressed, perhaps even grim as well. After that phone call, when he was told that there would be a very important meeting the following week, now Lovino was concerned. Given by the tone of voice by the person he had just spoken to, whatever this meeting was about was most certainly of something that held high importance and seriousness. However, the representation of South Italy never expected to hear what he would be faced with that day.
–
The air in the room was quiet, tense, and most of all, thick. It was as if whatever was to be spoken about was a matter so deadly serious that nothing would ever make one smile again. Swallowing that lump at his throat, and looking forward like his brother to their boss who was currently standing before his desk and had his arms crossed over his chest, Lovino wondered what exactly it was that would be spoken about. Both he and his brother had been called today, and while the older brother was never so nervous about these meetings nor as impatient to know what would be spoken of, he couldn’t help but be just that at the moment. Just by the look in the eyes of the man before him, he was almost scared to know what caused such a look of distress and almost pain in the eyes of the one before him. However, both Feliciano and Lovino both standing still and in silence, waiting for the other to speak, neither said a word. All in all, that surprising, considering that the younger Vargas brother was one who loved to talk. It seemed as if even he could pick up on the fact that right now was not the time to be all chatty as he usually was. No, right now was definitely not the best time. Still, after a few moments of the male in power looking over them both, a sigh left his lips as he glanced to the floor before looking up at the representations of Italy once more, even more sadness clear in his eyes. The look seemed more directed towards one of them, unfortunately. “Italy.”
The one being addressed straightened up a bit as he only waited for the male before him and his brother to continue, a clear look of worry in those hazel eyes of his. “Si?” His voice sounded hesitant to speak.
“It’s been realized that you…as a nation, have gained much power and strength.”
Finding this to be true as of recently, Feliciano gave a curt nod, wanting him to continue. Lovino, who was standing next to him only had a feeling of pure dread in his heart as he awaited as well, not knowing why he didn’t think he’d like what he’d hear next.
“You have gained so much that…Well, you will eventually come to represent a full Italy.”
Silence swept the room for a moment like it had in the beginning, neither of the brothers finding it in them to speak. The words spoken had sunken it, and looks of both terror and grief were in the eyes of both Feliciano and Lovino, who hadn’t even glanced at each other yet. Just those words were enough to let them both know what that meant.
“So, this means that you, Romano…You’ll disappea—“
“No.”
Oh, Lovino knew what it meant. Ever since he was younger and he and his brother had become unified, he was aware of this possibility. But no, he wasn’t going to accept it. Not now, out of all times! Not when he was actually sort of happy with how things were in life; not when for once he was truly loved and cherished by someone who meant the world to him; not when his country was actually doing alright and he had those whom he loved around him. Not now when he actually wanted to be here, and be who he was! So that was why he interrupted his boss in a rude, cold yet quiet tone like he had. He was not going to accept this, no matter what! “N-No, you’re lying….you have to be lying…”
A look of pure disbelief and alarm was clear in the darker green eyes of the nation, it also obvious as well that he was most likely trembling a bit and trying to maintain calm. He was becoming over-whelmed with so many emotions, so many thoughts that were telling him to just get the hell out of there. He couldn’t stand being that office at the moment, not now when the words had sunken in and Lovino knew that there was no way avoiding the events that would occur. So, he slowly began to move back, seeing both Feliciano and his boss moving somewhat forward with both pained and upset looks crossing their faces. “Romano—,”
“NO!” The boss’s attempt to speak failed, because Lovino once again interrupted him, the brunette shaking his head in disbelief. This had to be a dream, right? This wasn’t actually occurring! It couldn’t be! He couldn’t be disappearing and on the verge of losing his life when he actually wanted it. “Y-You…,” Words barely left his mouth, him being so utterly in panic now. “You have to be lying!”
Now, Feliciano attempted to speak, gently putting his hand on his brother’s arm. The younger Italy was attempting to think positive, thinking to himself that perhaps there was some way they could prevent this. There had to be a way, right? He wouldn’t let his brother disappear, not for anything. His brother was everything to him, and there was no way that Feliciano would just let things go like that and let his brother fade away. However, even as he attempted to say something, Lovino almost instantly pulled away from his gentle grip on his arm and before even realizing what he had done, he found himself running desperately out of the office, leaving the building in such a hurry with tears welling up at his eyes that Lovino could barely see. He didn’t know where he was going, and didn’t honestly care, all that mattered was that he went somewhere, anywhere that wasn’t this damn place. If he were to stay here any longer, the Italian knew he was bound to break down.
Knowing this as well once seeing the brother dash off, Feliciano gave a sigh, and yet called out his name. It was useless of course, and so he was left alone with their boss who seemed to be grieving the soon to be death of the Southern Representation of Italy. Who knew when the day would be, as sometimes countries would fade away quickly while at times it could take months. But either way, it would be such an upsetting day, whenever it was, to lose the older Italian nation. While he could be rather rude at times, impatient, and stubborn, over all he was good person inside.
–
Without even realizing where his mind and heart had led him to, Lovino realized that he subconsciously had come to Antonio’s house. God, for all he knew, the man he loved could be at someone else’s house, or just in a meeting with his bosses, or possibly anywhere else but it didn’t matter. Feeling exhausted, over-whelmed, and even more tears beginning to well up in his dark, olive colored eyes, Lovino raised a hand and gently knocked on the door before him, praying and so desperately hoping that the Spaniard he held so dearly to his heart was home at the moment. There was no noise on the other side of the door, nothing indicating that the male was possibly home, and this tore up Lovino’s heart more than anything possibly could. He so desperately needed to hear the other’s soothing voice, telling him that things were going to be okay, even while he knew that they weren’t. He needed soft kisses, cuddles, and a man who promised to protect him, even while he couldn’t from such a thing as his disappearance from the very Earth. He needed the false hope…because if he didn’t even have that…what did he have?
After a few more moments of waiting, Lovino once again raised his hand and knocked it against the door, somewhat harder in case he wasn’t heard the first time. Now left to only wait once again, there was only silence, and Lovino was almost praying that Antonio was only taking a nap or something along the lines of that, and that was the reason as to why the door wasn’t opening. He could only wish that his knocking would cause the other to wake, because if Lovino was seriously here and no one answered, he was sure to break down at the door step. “Damn it Spain, open the fucking door…please.”
Never was he one to actually say please, and less to Antonio of all people, but Lovino was feeling so hopeless and alone at the moment that he absolutely and positively needed to see the familiar face of Antonio at the moment. He needed the love, affection and the comfort more than he ever did now, because his world was crashing and there was no one else that could help him the same way his boyfriend would. So, after a bit more of waiting, he knocked once again, his knuckles rasping against the door before him. However, even after waiting a few more minutes, again only silence reached Lovino’s ears. This left him so disappointed and upset that he couldn’t help the few tears that slipped down his cheeks, him trying to wipe them away. What could he do? The other nation he needed wasn’t here apparently, and he had nowhere else he wanted to go. But, thinking that he had to leave, Lovino took a few steps back, about to turn away and go down the steps of the house he’d been in millions of times, only to hear the sound of a doorknob rattling and then the door opening before him to reveal Antonio, sleepily rubbing his eyes. His hair was somewhat messy, his clothes just the same, and it was obvious by the look on his face when he pulled his hands away from his eyes that the male had been taking a nap. However, the usually adorable look on his face when taking a nap instantly turned into alarm once actually taking in the fact that Lovino looked like he was about to break down at any second. “Roma? Hey, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” He asked, such a look of worry crossing his bright green eyes as he took the other’s hand and led him inside the house while awaiting an answer.
Even while being on the verge of being a complete crying wreck, Lovino shook his head and with his free hand, sniffling as he attempted to rub away the tears that were still accumulated in his eyes. Some more were beginning to slide down his cheeks, however. “N-Nothing, I’m not crying.”
Knowing how difficult his significant other could be at times when it came to these things, a sigh was what escaped Antonio’s soft, pink lips and he closed the door after Lovino, only to lead him towards the living room with their hands still linked together as he spoke up. “Yes, you are, tesoro. Come on, now tell me what’s wrong,” he told the other gently, knowing that he was very fragile at the moment, and from past experiences, knowing that it was best to just let him talk first and then comfort the Italian, as it seemed to help him somewhat. So, now gently bringing him down to sit on the couch of the living room once Antonio had sat down himself, he shifted his body a bit towards Lovino, who was still attempting not to let anymore tears leave his eyes at the moment. He just absolutely hated crying, especially in front of Antonio, since it made him feel somewhat pathetic. But right now, it seemed as if that was all he could do. With their hands still together, now Antonio laced their fingers together and gave Lovino’s smaller hand a light squeeze, as if encouragement to speak up. He was expecting something upsetting, since it had to be something rather awful to make the male before him cry like this, but he never expected to hear what he would in just a matter of moments.
“I-I…,” Lovino couldn’t even speak without stuttering, the words that wanted to leave his mouth so hard to say. He knew that this would break the other’s heart as well, given that they both loved each other so dearly. But he couldn’t say it to his face, so Lovino gave Antonio’s hand a tug, pulling him in a bit. Then he unlaced their fingers but scooted over just a bit, before wrapping his arms around the other nation who returned the gesture, holding him close. The Spaniard gently came to run his fingers through the younger male’s soft hair, and rubbed his back with his free hand, as if to try and help to soothe him. The gestures worked, because even while Lovino was on just the verge of losing it and just sobbing, he managed to calm down enough to speak clearly. “I’m d-dying, Spain…”
Now actually saying it out loud, and sort of just accepting his most likely soon to be fate, Lovino couldn’t hold it in any longer. His tears now left his eyes, and his hands grasped at the back of Antonio’s shirt, tightly holding the fabric of the uniform in his fists. He was shaking again, trembling most likely because of fear and despair. His head was filled of so many thoughts, him starting to actually begin to sob with his head nuzzled into the other male’s chest. Meanwhile, Antonio, who didn’t mind that his uniform was becoming wet with tears, was attempting to understand what had been said. No, he had misheard, right? He had to have misheard…this couldn’t be happening. He wasn’t losing Lovino, no he wasn’t losing the love of his life. Blinking a few times, and looking down at the other who was crying his heart out, Antonio felt like his own was shattering to pieces in his chest. “¿Q-Que?”
Knowing that his words had caught the other by surprise, Lovino attempted to speak, though his words were a bit hard to understand as he spoke through the dozens of tears going down his cheeks at the moment, along with the fact that his face was nuzzled into the older nation’s chest. “I-I’m going to disappear.”
His voice was barely heard as he spoke up, but it was loud enough that Antonio could understand them, and now he knew that he hadn’t misunderstood, or misheard. Immediately, Antonio’s eyes teared up, and he was trying his best not to cry, knowing that he couldn’t. This was happening to his beloved, not him, but either way, he couldn’t help the way that it felt like his heart was completely and utterly shattered. Knowing that he would lose Lovino….it caused him more pain than anything else in the world. “W-What? N-No, Romano, you’re kidding, right?”
This had to be some stupid joke. It had to be. But then again, if it really was some stupid joke, Lovino wouldn’t be crying as much as he was at the moment. Antonio wouldn’t be holding him like this, trying to calm him down. No, this wasn’t a joke, no matter how much he wished for it to be and he knew that. But coming to accept the fact that the person who he loved most, more than himself, the person who was absolutely everything to him was going to die, was the most painful thing of all. He sniffled, a tear or two coming down his cheeks and falling into Lovino’s hair. The usually vibrant green eyes that were always so full of life now only look so terribly pained, and fearful, them only filled with more tears that threatened to spill. His voice cracking a bit, Antonio spoke up again. You have to be kidding! This can’t be happening…P-please, Romano, tell me that you’re only kidding. I can’t…I can’t lose you…”
No longer embracing him in his arms, Antonio made Lovino look up at him, cupping his cheeks as he brought the eyes full of tears that were escaping to look up at him. Just by meeting his gaze then, the Spanish nation knew the answer to that question as well, even without hearing his voice and getting an explanation. The look that came to Antonio’s eyes were one of complete and utter grief, and he was trying so, so terribly hard not to break down himself. “I-I’m not kidding, Spain…I’m really going to disappear.”
This was so difficult for them both, because Lovino was so terrified of leaving and Antonio would give anything to prevent his boyfriend from leaving him. The love they shared was so strong that knowing that the person whom he was supposed to spend the rest of his life with was leaving, only left Antonio distraught. How would he live without his usually grumpy Italian? How would he leave without seeing him so often? Without giving him kisses, hugging him, telling him sweet words and telling him that he was loved, without being able to show how much he meant to Antonio, without being able to make love to him?
Having Antonio’s break hitch in his throat, a few more tears escaped his eyes even as he attempted to not let that occur. “Why?”
That was the only thing he could get himself to ask. If he spoke anymore, then he was sure to break down and that was what he trying his hardest not to do.
“Because…no one needs two Italys.”
Being so used to being his brother’s shadow, Lovino sort of expected this one day. His brother was the nicer Italy, the one whom everyone loved and adored, the one who everyone wished to be around all the time, the one who always got everyone’s attention. And while Lovino did envy him for that at times, he still loved his brother all the same. Even now, he still loved Feliciano dearly. This wasn’t his fault, though he was sure that the younger Vargas brother did think that; he was almost sure that Feliciano was crying at home right now. But, Lovino would let him know that this clearly wasn’t his fault before his days were over. It wasn’t his fault that Lovino wasn’t good enough, that he wasn’t strong enough, nor powerful enough, or needed. But what Antonio said next struck his heart, and he began to sob again.
“But I need two Italys.”
–
After such an eventful day, and Antonio attempting to comfort Lovino even more, he decided to spend the night, not being able to stand the fact of being away from his usually oh so cheerful Spaniard. And so, after a night full of cuddling, kisses, drowning each other in affection while attempting not to cry anymore and telling each other that it would be okay, since then, Lovino tried to go on with his days as normal. There was really nothing else he could do, given that he didn’t know how many days he had. He continued on with work, trying to help his brother as well so that he wouldn’t be left with so much to do once he was gone. But he did spend more time with his dear brother, somehow being able to get into his head that what was occurring wasn’t his fault at all. The Italian also spent more time with his boyfriend than usual, going out on a few dates and trying to enjoy whatever time he had left with everyone who was important to him. As days eventually turned into two weeks, Lovino finally woke up one day, only to sense it. This was it.
Today was the last day.
Today was the last time he would ever be around, the last time he would ever get to see his brother, be able to hug him and be able to see that smile of his. Today was the last time he could possibly get a kiss from Antonio, the last time he’d ever get to hear the words of ‘I love you’, the last time he’d ever get the chance to be held by him, the last time he could be loved and the last time he could ever be so happy to be with him.
Knowing all of this, the first thing that Lovino did when he first woke up was start crying again. He couldn’t help it. Even while Antonio and Feliciano had tried various different ways to attempt to stop what was occurring, there was no way out of it, and the representation of South Italy knew that. He was to die today, who knew at what time, but now he cried the tears that he would not be able to show later on throughout the day, since he knew that if he began to cry in front of either person, they’d only end up crying as well. So, he let out all the pain and sorrow in his heart, sobbing and becoming a crying mess in the sheets of his bed. However, even after a long while of heart-breaking sobs, dozens of hot tears and soft whimpers, once Lovino forced himself to leave the house after getting ready, and arrived at Feliciano’s house only to tell him what was occurring, the two only broke down together. They hugged tightly, telling each other sweet goodbyes and then ‘I love you’’s even while still crying. Lovino was never really one to say that easily and openly, even to someone like Feliciano who was his own brother, but he did, knowing that he would never get the chance to ever tell him again. Eventually, he departed sometime around the late afternoon. He couldn’t find it in himself to Antonio’s house, so instead he headed home only to leave behind a sobbing Feliciano, who was trying so desperately to keep himself from falling apart.
Once at home, Lovino decided that maybe he could call Antonio over. Hopefully the male wasn’t busy. It would be such an upsetting thing to be without the love of his life on the last day, when it was the last day to ever be together again. So, even with teary eyes, sniffles and tears going down his cheeks once again, the Italian grabbed ahold of his phone, scrolling through his contacts until he finally found the other’s contact name and pressed ‘call’. Pressing the phone up to his ear, it felt almost like a damn lifetime before Lovino heard a familiar voice at the other end of the line, but it took him a moment to speak. “Ciao Spain…,” More than anything, Lovino was trying to keep himself together. “I—um, C-Can you come over…please?”
Never was Lovino one to sound so utterly desperate, nor did he ever plea, so once hearing this, Antonio couldn’t help the way his stomach felt like it was tied in a tight knot. Knowing that his tesoro was due to die soon was not exactly the greatest news, and so he really hoped that whatever he was to hear today was not any worse than what he already knew. “Si, of course, mi amor. I’ll be there in a bit, okay? Wait for me. Te amo.”
Without giving him a chance to reply then, the Spaniard hung up the phone, and did what he could to rush over to his boyfriend’s house. Meanwhile, as Lovino waited, he tried to maintain calm, putting his phone down once Antonio had hung up. He waited there on the bed for what seemed like forever. He tried, he really did to keep calm, but he just couldn’t. Soon, Antonio would be here again and he’d spend the last few hours of his life with him. After that, he’d no longer have someone to hold him, care for him, and love him. He’d no longer be alive and be able to stay with Spain, no matter how much he wanted to. And the thought hurt, it really hurt. It inflicted so much pain in his heart that once again, Lovino began to cry like the day he ended up telling his boyfriend of many, many years of his soon to be death that was now only a few mere hours away.
Antonio was rushing, practically doing the impossible against time and going at lightning speed to Lovino’s house. Just by the fragile voice over the phone, he could assume that the male had been or was crying at the moment, and so the representation of Spain knew that he had to be there for his soon to be deceased lover. Once arriving at the door, Antonio didn’t bother with knocking and just walked in, knowing that the other did have a bad habit of forgetting to leave the door unlocked. Thinking that maybe the one he was looking for was maybe downstairs, Antonio looked around the bottom floor of the house, only to find no signs of Lovino. So, deciding to go upstairs, he looked around a bit as well there before checking his room. Upon opening the door, was when he found Lovino there, laying on the bed with tears going down his cheeks and sobs sometimes escaping his lips. A frown coming to his lips, Antonio walked over and sat on the bed, him facing his lovely Italian, and now couldn’t help but look at his face. Now, Antonio actually looked for once since this all began.
It was obvious in the other’s features that he was changing, and he was to die soon. Lovino was skinnier than he was before, his skin was somewhat pale compared to his natural skin color, and his eyes were no longer filled with life but now instead looked dull. He looked so utterly tired, and weak…and he looked as if he were just about to give up. That…it caused Antonio’s chest to hurt. Either way, he still couldn’t help but think that the nation before him was simply beautiful as always, even if his physical appearance had changed somewhat. “Ay, what’s wrong mi amor, why are you crying?” He asked gently, softly letting his fingers wipe away the tears from the others lovely face.
“Today’s the day, Spain…T-today’s my last day…I can feel it,” he managed to say, almost in a hushed whisper.
Hearing that made Antonio freeze where he was, looking down at the love of his life. Tears sprung to his eyes almost instantly, him trying to hold them back as a pained expression crossed over his face. But he glanced away for a moment, took a deep breath, and then looked back to Lovino. With eyes still watery, he tried to maintain the rather sad smile on his face as he leaned down a bit, and began to press little adoring kisses to the other’s face, despite the fact that he continued to cry. The kisses felt nice though, and in a way, were beginning to help the Italian calm down just a bit. Once done giving him the cute kisses, Antonio pulled away a bit and looked him in the eyes, him speaking softly, as if speaking any louder would hurt them both. “Don’t cry, tesoro. Why don’t we just spend the last hours you have together, hm?”
Giving a slight nod as a few tears still came down his cheeks, Antonio now leaned down once again and pressed his lips to the others, bringing him in to just a gentle kiss. It wasn’t anything breath-taking, but just a simple kiss that made both their hearts race a tiny bit. Pulling away once again, Antonio found that he had nothing to say this time. Instead, he wiped away any tears that still left Lovino’s eyes softly with his fingers. It seemed as if he was beginning to calm down, maybe relax a bit since he wasn’t crying as much as just before. So, after doing that, he pressed another kiss to the male’s lips, finding that he would miss this once his lovely boyfriend was gone and was no longer going to be with him. As much as just that thought alone was enough to make him want to pull away and start crying, Antonio didn’t let himself. If this really was the last few hours he had with the person who was his everything, he would enjoy it to the fullest. He would savor this kiss, along with any other kisses they shared, and he would try to remember this sensation for when his beautiful Lovino was gone. Pulling away once again from those soft lips he loved to kiss once again, Antonio looked at his loved one dearly, as if he were fragile. He seemed to have stopped crying, however, his eyes were watery and his cheeks were slightly flushed because he had been crying. Either way, Antonio couldn’t help but think that he looked as beautiful as ever.
His lips pressing against the others again, this kiss was a bit more than the last. Gentle all the same, and still rather innocent, but still somewhat more with feeling. It was as if Antonio was trying to convey all that he was feeling with this kiss. Now, not letting him pull away this time, Lovino slowly came to wrap his arms around the others neck, kissing him just the same, wanting to let the other know how much he was loved, and how much he meant to him. Fingers going to play with the usually slightly messy brown hair, Lovino found that the kiss was beginning to get somewhat deeper. Now, it was more on the serious type of thing side, no longer as innocent as before. Even while they both needed breathe sooner or later, their lips did not part. Antonio was trying to get his message across. He wanted to let Lovino know as well, how much he was loved, how important he was, how much he meant to him. He wanted to convey what he felt at the moment. All the sadness, grief, despair, but most importantly all the love in his heart that he had for his beloved Italian. So, with such intense feelings coming from them both, the kiss gradually got even more intense and somewhat heated, and before even realizing it, Antonio was now completely hovering over Lovino on the bed, hands beginning to go unbutton the other’s shirt. Before anything happened, however, Antonio pulled away, just a bit, both him and Lovino trying to catch their breaths. They were breathing a bit heavily, and both had their cheeks somewhat flustered. Looking at each other for just a few moments like that, Antonio was the one who broke the silence then. “Can we…? Once more…as a goodbye?” He asked somewhat quietly once having had regained his breath.
A nod was what he received, along with what was a whispered, “Yea.”
And so, that was how the two spent the rest of the late afternoon, going into the night. Antonio made love to him, making sure to touch and treat the other gently, giving him sweet kisses and making the whole experience amazing for them both. After all, it was the last time that this would ever occur, so Antonio wanted it to be special and so he made sure to treat Lovino as lovingly as he could throughout the whole time. Once the event was over, they ended up wrapped up in each other’s arms in Lovino’s bed, both tired and somewhat sleepy as the snuggled under the warm covers. “Te amo, Romano.”
Those were the last words that Lovino would ever hear Antonio say to him ever again.
“Mm..Ti amo, Spain.”
And that was the last time Antonio would ever hear Lovino say that.
Cuddling close under the red sheet covers, Lovino was eventually the first to fall asleep, emotional exhaustion from earlier catching up to him, along with the fact that he was tired from what they had just done. Antonio actually fell asleep just a few moments later after giving the other a kiss on the forehead, and that was the last time he would ever come to see Lovino’s beautiful sleeping face.
–
Funny, how time seemed to pass by quickly when someone least wanted it to.
Unfortunately, after what seemed like only a few minutes later to Lovino, his eyes opened up slowly, unexpectedly. It was as if something was making him wake up, and he honestly didn’t know what it was. Having his head nuzzled into Antonio’s chest, he slowly shifted a bit, moving his head up to the look at the male’s sleeping face before him. Then, after that, he moved a bit once again, turning his head back to look back at the clock on his nightstand. The clock reading 1:46 A.M., he turned back to face Antonio, his body feeling so utterly tired and weak at the moment. He knew it, this was it. He didn’t feel like he was a country anymore. He couldn’t feel the life of his people, or the life of South Italy or Italy at all in him anymore. His body slowly beginning to fade, Lovino decided to quietly say his goodbyes to Antonio, now having the chance to do it before he left. A sigh escaping his lips, he bit his lip for a moment before speaking in almost a whisper. “You better not start crying when you wake up.”
As he spoke, Lovino raised his hand and gently pushed away Antonio’s hair from his face, him sort of wishing that those usually so full of life green eyes were open and looking at him at the moment. But at the same time, it was the last thing he wanted. If Antonio were to wake up now, Lovino knew that he would become a sobbing mess again. However, he wanted to hear that rich voice, he wanted one more kiss, he wanted the feel of the others touch on his skin one more time. But, he resisted against waking up the male sleeping before him, and instead just gazed at him for a few moments, vision becoming slightly blurry as Lovino’s body only continued to slowly fade. “I love you, Antonio…”
Trying to hold back any sobs, whimpers, or anything from leaving his lips except words, Lovino continued. “I love you,” he repeated again, “so so much…”
Lovino’s breath hitched in his throat, and no matter how much he tried to hold it back, a few tears were beginning to escape his eyes again. “More than you will ever know.”
He regretted so many things. He regretted always acting like such an asshole, to not only Antonio and Feliciano, but to everyone only because he had been afraid of getting close to anyone. He regretted not kissing Antonio more often, not telling him that he loved him more, not hugging him and not appreciating him like he should have. But of course, it wasn’t like he could go back in time, right? Oh, how he wished. What a wonderful thing it would be if he could. Either way, Lovino thought to himself…that even while he wished that he would have been a better person overall, what he had with Antonio was wonderful either way. “I’m sorry I’m leaving…”
Now, Lovino looked rather faded, his body just already beginning to completely disappear. “We’ll meet again, someday,” he murmured gently, hoping that his own words were true.
Knowing that he was now out of time, Lovino leaned up and forward a bit, and decided to press his lips against Antonio’s…just once more. Once he pulled away…Lovino came to close his eyes, and that was when he completely faded. No longer was he there, curled up into Antonio, cuddling close to him and having his head nuzzled in the others strong chest.
Lovino Vargas was gone, and now only Feliciano existed, representing a full Italy.
–
Bright green eyes were revealed some time the next day, taking in the view before them. Sight somewhat hazy and Antonio still rather sleepy, it took him a moment to realize that Lovino wasn’t in his arms, like he usually would be. Being asleep, he thought maybe he was somewhere in the house or perhaps in the bathroom for a moment, before the events of these past few days came back to mind, and now his eyes widened, him sitting up rapidly on the bed as he glanced around.
“No,no,no…” He muttered to himself, looking frantic as he brought both hands up tangle up in his hair, eyes instantly welling up with tears. This time, he couldn’t hold it in. He knew what had occurred. His boyfriend had met his fate during the night, and that was the reason as to why he was alone in this bed…in this house at the moment. Heart-broken sobs beginning to escape his lips, Antonio couldn’t help the tears that left his eyes, going onto the blanket that pulled at his waist. Oh, he cried his heart out, angry. At who? He didn’t know. Maybe he was somewhat angry at Feliciano. Why did he get to stay alive while his Italy had to die? But then, once thinking that horrible thought, Antonio told himself that it wasn’t Feliciano’s fault. Maybe he was just angry at the world, angry because he had just lost the one person who he loved so dearly.
Either way, knowing that there was nothing he could do about it, Antonio continued to cry his heart out, only wishing that perhaps someday…maybe in another life, if he were to ever die as well…that they would indeed be able to meet again.
