Mustard be the new black
two words x Chey Nechelle
so… I met my favorite writer just to say I did it. she sparked the inspiration to call your ass out every minute.
whether in prose or rhyme I’m gonna use all your lying to make up for all the time you took for granted.
my nigga… I used to wait up for you to call. It’s 2AM. shit, I had a full day too. two minutes late and I’m like fuck you then it’s I love you and I wanna spend this life with you.
Our day in 2022 was on a Saturday. I had been planning that shit for the last 2000 Saturday’s we’d hit our 30’s together. now I’m just stuck in this weather. this storm of humiliation and “what else could go wrong?!”
I’m turning 22. I don’t know what to do. I know I’m young I got time. But my time was with you.
And where the fuck are you? you just used and abused. took your rib back like a nickname and gave it to someone new.
lonely, but I’m lusting for attention so I’m tackling dudes. when it’s done, I look in the mirror and see somebody new.
someone I never knew all thanks to you. I wanted your time, you wanted to hide so I tried make do. I’m crying all the time, still singing ‘In My Mind’ when in my mind I know those two little words exist.
motherfucka, how could you play me? how could you do me like this?
how can I sing Aaliyah without crying? I want to move on, to get my heart back, but I’m not even trying.
cause in my mind, you’re still mine. and you play games to assure me like that shit is fine.
like damn, you knew you were this way before you fucking met me. you knew you were this way before you ever kissed me. before you said you missed me. before we named those kids. before I ignored my friends, for looking stupid for just going back and forth with you.
you knew you were this way before you and my parents were cool. you knew you were this way that day we said I love you.
you let me say that shit. you let me open up and look at you and mean that shit.
I even cheated, cried for days cause I didn’t mean that shit. you didn’t deserve that shit. I felt completely worthless.
while you’re in another state being in another state. not giving a fuck about what you left in Texas. I felt so neglected. that dude, I regretted.
I only wanted you. you weren’t even you. and that pissed me off so much that I went reckless.
it’s been a year, I’m almost 22. I still don’t know what to do. I’m still not over you. and I feel like a fucking fool.
you could’ve told me.
[unreleased, April 2014]
the lynching x Chey Nechelle
and still, in the most disrespectful way, these men are bitches. claiming they want empires trying to stunt but end up being the double to the actual. someone no one wants. see, they break down and switch up their lines. and when it's clear to see they're not the star, son. you must let them know they've lost one. and the one you could have been. but someone was too focused on lynching emotions than your finger. too focused on playing a role without a title. and you feel it's your fault for giving them the callback now you're left wondering "shit, should I fallback?" cause he loves games. but you love your pride. and after all this time that still doesn't coincide with whatever the fuck you both want. you feel like life is staring at you. laughing, giving a taunt. while you're giving a fuck for someone that only gives a fuck when it's convenient. and here you are, pissed at the world because you gave that callback to that throwback. should've upgraded because no one wants that old thang back when it's sour. like the milk you've advised to let rot. but it's prospering, slowly churning into butter. so you're like shit, "maybe I can do one better? maybe, just maybe, I can use you. like you've used me. finally get my cut and rid you of my prime time slot. shit, you only fuck with me when I'm hot." but your cold ass knew better. and subliminals seem to be the only way you can write your love letter. that latter is signed fuck you for his lynching of possibilities. as you sit back and reflect on all the last names of mr. bitches you could've been. learned your lesson yet?
djembe x Chey Nechelle
so I hear you want to tap on my drum…
make me feel like I've never felt before take pieces of me and make them yours lose my identity and become known by your name as if you're sealing this with a ring on my finger
well I have news for you, sir, find another vulnerable being.
I was close, so damn close to letting you. living a reckless life without any care, basically begging for my drum to be tapped.
trusting that you wouldn’t bother me. being naive and stupid. not protecting my temple, risking it all.
see the cycle was me plus him
plus her plus three
plus six plus ten
leaving me with you
trying to tap on my drum
but I’ve grown. I’m no longer the able body you’ll ruin. I’m no longer that girl. I won’t fall for your games and slick ways. no more “just let me put the tip in” as if the tip isn’t what has all of the kryptonite in the first place. no more body to body because in the end we both know you won’t respect me in the morning.
I’m not going to wait around for you to call me home.
sir, I won’t fall under your spell.
you can’t invade my space . I refuse to let you run through me like you’ve ran through others. I refuse to be just another notch in your infinity belt. I refuse to be your statistic.
so no sir, you may not tap on my drum. my nectar is far too sweet to ever be soured by your infectious ways.
AM Thoughts x Chey Nechelle
I have watched things change while I'm left feeling irrelevant. watched progression while procrastination has been my backbone. I've watched happiness from the other side of the street. watched trees form new branches, leaves fall and have grown a new. all while my feet are planted in wet cement. I have watched seeds I intended to be mine grow. grow to have your eyes. I have seen time pass while I'm left feeling stagnant. I have seen my dreams, but reality feels light years away. I'll never be able to reach it. I've seen all three sides of a love song, his, her's, and happiness, yet the latter never sticks around long enough to prove the other two wrong. I've watched myself become a bitch, a monster to those I care for the most. I can't explain why, I just know I'm sick of typing "I apologize" I've seen love's rejection in salt water streaming down a mountain, flowing alongside lips that have kissed the most vulnerable places of my anatomy. I've seen the physical act of restraint. when all one wants to do is just love who they love without judgement. I've seen so much shit.... that exhaling is becoming a luxury and going to sleep at night is simply an escape.
sincerely, bonnie x Chey Nechelle
I just want to float with you like Saturn. we just need to find a secluded ocean big enough for our love. our trust. our world. I want to break you out of your spell. and to remind you that we're all not that way. I'm far from autumn But I love you. And I can't see you in any pain. you're a piece of my heart. one of my greatest friends that's a secret to the world. they don't need to know shit. And I see that you're insecurities are taking a toll on you. I'm just trying to put a smile on a friend's face. Show you beauty from my perspective. Take you to the top of the world so we can just scream. Let out our frustrations and then just stare at each other and laugh. I want to be the one to give you the hug this time. I want you to trust my instincts And love me. your friend.
in short... x Chey Nechelle
don't go looking looking for something unexpected. I'm the pretty little missile that could blow up your life. and I'll do it all with a smile. now, that could be disastrous but I guarantee you it's the complete opposite. see I'm the atomic bomb that will shake up your world. I bring streams of ecstasy and undivided attention. I only ask for respect and honesty. that's simply enough to water my flowers and build a foundation deep within my core. I want to explore your world through your eyes. And just then I'll show you the pleasures of being just as boring as I am. In short... don't go looking. Looking for something that just so happened to stumble upon you. don't go looking for love when it's simply just trying to find its way to you.
thirteen days x Chey Nechelle
little boy, you are a bitch. and I mean that in the most disrespectful way.
see, you went out of your way to get me to notice you and once I did and my shallow ass began to break down barriers because I found you to be interesting you went running.
running, back to your safe nights with the young and vulnerable . running back to the naive. running away from opportunity.
I guess my mental intimidated you. see, you can’t hoe around with me, so you went running. I told you to tell me your intentions straight up, and you played a game for days.
all you had to do was be honest. see, I’m not that girl but I am that woman and it is clear to me that you are a boy in a man’s body. a bitch.
thirteen. thirteen days was all it took for your ways to come out.
on day four, we were kicking it. I even gave you seven and eight, knowing damn well I don’t do back to backs. by ten, another outing occurred and by thirteen you were trying to fuck. now, I said I’m grown but this shit threw me off because on two, I specifically remember asking your ass what you wanted from me.
and your ass said friendship. you were all “let’s see how this goes” and “I want to get to know you” and “I’m not even thinking about the physical.” yet, eleven days later, with only a peck on the cheek, you tryna fuck.
nigga. you’re a bitch. and like I said, I mean that in the most disrespectful way. dudes get called fuck boys daily, but it’s a certain kind of man that’s a bitch.
it’s that “I’m about my shit, and I don’t play games” but leave women trying to figure out riddles type of man. it’s that “I’m just a little busy” but makes time for what they wanna make time for type of man. it’s that last frog you kiss before saying fuck it all type of man.
I said bitch in the most disrespectful way because it shatters the man’s ego. fuck boys own up to their’s and laugh it off, but men? men won’t be too many more bitches. but how many will have to get called out before they begin to act like men?
day 29. TOO BLACK TOO VOCAL TOO FLAGRANT
2.4 | C R O W N
a family Grammy picture
2.4 | dancing
Jan 21st x Chey Nechelle
Saint Heron proclamation party, Houston
GILF.