BUTCH BELLY!! You agree, reblog 😡

Imagine being a reverse Superman where you're really weak and struggle to keep up with your peers for your whole life until you learn that you're actually just from a race of aliens with comparatively shit body strength. This is the premise of Tarzan

🤠🤠🤠🤠

(Link)

JEWPITER

looking for sugar baby to spoil. bachelor’s degree (at least) and excel skills required, 5+ years experience, knowledge of SQL, Python or COBOL highly desired

BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER (1997 - 2003) ⏤ 7.14, First Date

Captions shouldn't be censored. If the video says fuck or cum or cunt the captions should say the fucking word.

If you have any Texan friends, do NOT, under any circumstances, let them bite you. You will also become Texan

If your friend knows a Texan and suddenly starts talking about a “Water burger” or some shit like that… It’s too late. You need to put them down before it gets worse

hi there, texanization victim here. the true horror is the different stages you go through. maybe you know of the whataburger or buc-ee’s naturalization methods, but if you’ve only got that, it could be treated. however, watch out for these unusual behaviors, as you’ll need to immediately quarantine upon seeing.

texanization is a serious issue, made even more serious by ignoring the subtle signs of a deeper infection.

Simple quarantine isn’t enough

cmon, now, aint that kinda harsh? hey, how about you have some of these and calm down

I’M NOT FALLING FOR YOUR FILTHY TRICKS!!!!

I was going to make a joke about how people tell their hairdressers so many personal details that I wouldnt be surprised if someone confessed to murder while I was styling their hair but then I remembered that was an actual thing that happened when I was in cosmetology school

SO when I was in cosmetology school i was in the breakroom and I was telling everyone back there about how my client had just told me about how her dead husband’s head was found at the airport along with 63 other human heads (that’s a story for another day) and everyone started swapping stories about weird things that their client had told them

and then this one girl pipes up and is like “Yeah my client told me about how she killed her husband once.” and we were like EXCUSE ME??? WHAT? and she was like “yeah apparently her husband was coming at her with a knife and she managed to get it away from him and stabbed him like three times” 

according to the teachers she had A. told that story to at least three other students in the time she had been coming there and B. It was ruled as self defense so it’s not like she was a criminal who was on the run 

Okay but tell us the human heads story

op can we PLEASE have the human heads story

OKAY so this one I actually have a lot more context for because it was a firsthand experience buckle the fuck in

So I get this client, she’s an older lady so it was a color retouch and a trim and I was like okay I do this all the time this is gonna be just a super routine and mundane day. So I’m chatting with her just like usual small talk stuff like asking how her day is going and stuff and at some point she says: “I’m actually going to be in the newspaper tomorrow so I needed to get this done so I look good when they take my picture.”

So I’m like “Oh that’s nice! I hope you have fun!” and she goes “It’s not going to be fun, it’s because of a court case. I’m seeking legal action against a funeral home because they stole my husband’s body.” She’s saying this is the most casual tone ever and let me tell you, when someone you don’t know drops information like that on you, it’s the weirdest situation ever

I have NO idea how I’m supposed to react properly to that so I’m just saying “Oh no that’s so terrible!” and she keeps on going 

“Yeah his head was found at an airport with 63 other human heads. they removed some of his body parts before they cremated him and sold them illegally. They were using his head at a dental convention in some other country.” 

That was the strangest thing a client had ever decided to share with me and i’ve been continuously googling that shit trying desperately to find what she was interviewed for but there’s nothing and I can’t figure out if it’s weirder that she may have lied to me about this crazy story or if it actually happened and she decided to tell a student hairdresser she never met the entire story without being prompted

y’all it fucking happened

Luckily I'm a little stoned rn so this will hurt less but:

We need more money for food, a delivery and groceries.

We misjudged what we'd need while one of my wives is gone so we're kind of fucked.

Reblog and share to help two disabled trans women!

Cash app: $cmder

PayPal: https://PayPal.me/agieocean

it’s been two years, but i think that an icon like her deserves to be known about by more people.

her name was freddie oversteegen and she, at the age of fourteen, along with her older sister truus who was 16 and their friend johanna “hannie” schaft who was 19, was a part of the netherlands most famous all female resistance cell which was dedicated to fighting the nazis and dutch traitors.

among other things, they are known to have blown up bridges and railroads, smuggled jewish children from concentration camps and, as the tweet mentions, seducing nazis and then shooting them with guns that they had hidden in their bike baskets. freddie is quoted as having said that they “had to do it.” and that it was a “necessary evil, killing those who betrayed good people.”

though freddie and her sister truus were both lucky and survived the war, hannie schaft wasn’t. at the age of 24, hannie was caught and around three weeks later was executed by nazis, only 18 days before the netherlands were eventually liberated. she was shot with one only wounding her, and, before the final shot, hannie is quoted as having told the executioners: ik schiet beter, which translates to “i shoot better.”

though she didn’t survive, hannie is recognized as a national icon and a face of the dutch resistance, with her story even being retold in a movie from 1981 called “the girl with the red hair.” along with this, truus also founded the national hannie schaft foundation in 1992, on which freddie served as a board member.

freddie, at the time of her death, was 92 years old and the last surviving member of the resistance cell, with truus having died two years earlier at the age of 92.

though these women and all that they did played an important part in the dutch resistance, they are often overlooked in history outside of the netherlands. it’s important that they are remembered and that their work to save people isn’t forgotten. it’s incredible what they did, especially given how young they were, and they deserve more recognition than what they’ve gotten.

“I shoot better” Holy shit an icon

This is the face of ANTIFA!

Freddie Oversteegen (6 September 1925 – 5 September 2018)

oh wow! hey if you take pills check this out. new medicine taking meta just dropped.

according to these models, out of the 4 tested postures, the best position to digest pills is laying on your right side. standing upright has a similar time to laying in your back at twice as much as laying on the right side, and laying on the left side is the slowest by far.

laying on right side: pill dissolves in around 10 minutes.

standing: pill dissolves in 23 minutes. laying on the back has a similar time.

laying on left side: pill dissolves in up to 100 minutes.

https://doi.org/10.1063/5.0096877

definitely worth a lot more research.

if you want your medicine to kick in fast, try laying on your right side! if you want your medicine to kick in slower, try laying on your left side.

This makes sense! I learned from a doc that if you have gas pain or nausea, you turn on your left side to make it easier for your stomach to send stuff through. The goal in turning left is to NOT absorb, but to release.

Turning on your right can make nausea/gas pain worse because it has to fight gravity to exit your stomach/body. So, yeah, lying on your right would make things absorb faster because it's going into the stomach lining, which is the point.

Righty-tighty, lefty-loosey

WILSON JERMAINE HEREDIA as ANGEL DUMOTT SCHUNARD RENT (2005)