a girl with a short skirt and a long jacket

surfer bird

“Eyes up, Cap’n’s on deck!”

he was in the fridge!!!

ovbiously this person has done so much research and cares about their tortoise so much but.... the mf idea of having a live tortoise in a TUPPERWARE?! IN MY FRIDGE?? WITH ME FOOD? ahahahaha

the concept of opening someone else’s fridge only to find a WHOLE ASS TORTOISE in there... idk if I’d ever recover

@esperantoauthor when the food doesn’t come to Tesla, Tesla comes to the food

Reminds me of when I accidentally stumbled across this photo for the first time...

mutuals put me in your fridge

Back in 2015, I went over to a classmate's house for group project work late in the fall, and in the middle of working on the presentation, offered to grab sodas for people but they were out of pepsi and Andrew whose house we were at said "Oh, there's more in the basement fridge."

So I go down to the basement, which is well-lit and finished and indeed there are more pepsi but also in the fridge is a massive tortise. This animal was the dimensions of a desktop computer and probably outweighed a labrador. It's not moving, and is set in the middle of a plastic tray so it's apparently supposed to be there. I go back upstairs.

"Hey Andrew." I say, nonchalantly. "So is the tortise in the fridge down there for soup or what?"

"The what?" says the other member of the group project. I don't remember her name, just that she always wore her hair in pigtails with butterfly clips that were based on real butterflies and she had at least a dozen species.

"Oh! No, that's Andrew Too." he says. "His species hibernates so he stays in the fridge for the holidays."

"You named your tortise after you?" I ask.

"No, uh- Well, my grandfather got him in Egypt or somewhere while he was on leave during the war and He was named Andrew, so he thought it would be funny to name him 'Andrew Too'. ...Then Mom named me after him so Gandpa left me Andrew Too in his will. He's pretty cool when he's awake. Lets us dress him up for summer holidays, doesn't bark."

"Oh!" Said Butterflies. "My dad served in the Gulf War too! What unit was he in?"

"Oh no, Grandpa was with the Royal Air Force in World War Two. Andrew Too is going to be 70 this year! We're going to make him a carrot cake!"

he was named after the tortoise

Got some more alligator ASMR for y’all- crank up the volume for prehistoric chills

you’re not a better, more moral, or more accomplished person than homeless people. you’re not a better, more moral, or more accomplished person than drug addicts. you’re not a better, more moral, or more accomplished person than sex workers.

Katerina Marchenko on Etsy

I remember a more innocent time, when two bros would chill in a hot tub, six feet apart, not because of a global pandemic, but merely because they were not gay.

Naturally mummified remains were discovered along the arid Atacama desert coast in Chile, dating to around 7000 BC

Mf’s been sitting there for 9000 years? Unproductivity legend 🙌

vibin

sand guardian

Poseidon quivers before him

Caption: [I think I got pretty lucky to be a lesbian (laugh) ya know? Cuz I was always gonna look like this uhh and I think if I looked like this and my type was just like, dudes named Chad (laughing) I think I’d have a bad time! What anomaly that would be, if I wanted to hook up with Chads. If that was my thing. I dunno I just I just think that sounds way gayer than like the lesbian marriage I’m in right now.

I’m pretty sure God would be confused (laughing)if I dated a Chad. I think God would look at us as a couple and be like “Okay you’re a girl, he’s a guy. That’s pretty good, uhhhh somehow this is still a sin”. (laughing) This is SO unnatural! You guys think I could do it? You think I could find a Chad if I wanted one? The one Chad would be like “Baby, I don’t care that you look like Terk from Tarzan, I love you (kiss noise).

I know half of you aren’t even listening. You’re like “Dez, I thought you were a small Mexican boy this entire time”. No. Adult, Puerto Rican lesbian. Eh it reads the same. Mainly the difference is I have way more credit card debt than the average Mexican child, like WAY more.]

Sunrise Woods | Waltz Garden

Jonas Creek

...You know what, I’ve been trying to motivate myself to go and study, and this is just what I needed.

On the other hand, I have questions

I see a lot of posts that boil down to, "hey, poor people, the middle class is your ally, not your enemy!" but I never seem to see posts that say "hey, middle class, the poor people in your city are your allies. You're never going to be rich, so stop selling out the poor in an attempt to maintain your own social standing."

Like, if I as a person living in poverty am skeptical and wary of the middle class neighborhood down the road, it's because they keep proving to me that they want to throw me and my neighbors under the fucking bus so they can pretend they'll be Bezos-rich one day.

I'm tired of seeing really condescending "the middle class is not your enemy!" posts when I never see "people living in poverty are justified in their rage, because living in poverty is a FUCKING NIGHTMARE" posts.

If me being tired of eating rice and ramen noodles for six months straight makes me vent-post about how tired I am of driving past cookie-cutter middle class houses on my way back to my 900 square foot apartment with six people living in it, I get dogpiled by people telling me that the middle class is not my enemy.

And that's fucked.

wow millennials are glued to their i-phones and laptops so much they cant even be bothered robbing in person anymore!!! maybe these trust fund babies should stop phishing credit cards while sitting on their butts and go out there and put some elbow grease into their thievery!