i slap your nuts from across the room with one of these

The realist one

1. Shaggy pours out 11 peanuts

2. Peanuts take to the air, multiply into 17

3. Peanuts accelerate, becoming 21 in the process

4. Peanuts, still unsatisfied with their numbers, soar away and become 22, fulfilling their sacred destiny

snorp

Don’t worry, guys. I made a compilation of the best Griffin McElroy vines, so everything is going to be okay

I hope love finds you in 2018

I hope health finds u in 2018

I hope wealth finds you in 2018

I hope happiness finds you in 2018

I hope success finds you in 2018

I hope self-love finds you in 2018

I hope supportive people find you in 2018

I hope all the dogs find you in 2018

I hope good grades find you in 2018

I hope validation finds you in 2018

I hope self-acceptance finds you in 2018

I hope healthy friendships/relationships find you in 2018

I hope better mental health finds you in 2018

whats octopimp doing now

Hopefully dying

Is there nothing Edward and Alphonse Elric can’t do?

know for a fact they can’t even keep one little girl alive

John is too good for this world

No, no. Tell the story.

The little boy (whose name escapes me) has a brain tumor. He wanted to meet Finn, but he didn’t want him to himself. He wanted Finn to visit with all the kids at the pediatric ward. John stayed in character the ENTIRE time and he taught Finn about all kinds of Earth things.

The little girl is Layla. She asked Finn where Rey was. He said he didn’t know. Kylo knocked him out and he didn’t know where Rey was. And she said “that’s okay, I’ll be your Rey.”

im crying. and so are you

!!!!!

The little boy is named Daniel! You can read an article about it here.

And here are some more pictures which are precious:

This is the note I’ll end 2017 on.

There is good in this world, and it’s worth fighting for.

:’D

anonymously send me a

brick to the face

child handling for the childless nurse

My current job has me working with children, which is kind of a weird shock after years in environments where a “young” patient is 40 years old.  Here’s my impressions so far:

Birth - 1 year: Essentially a small cute animal.  Handle accordingly; gently and affectionately, but relying heavily on the caregivers and with no real expectation of cooperation.

Age 1 - 2: Hates you.  Hates you so much.  You can smile, you can coo, you can attempt to soothe; they hate you anyway, because you’re a stranger and you’re scary and you’re touching them.  There’s no winning this so just get it over with as quickly and non-traumatically as possible.

Age 3 - 5: Nervous around medical things, but possible to soothe.  Easily upset, but also easily distracted from the thing that upset them.  Smartphone cartoons and “who wants a sticker?!!?!?” are key management techniques.

Age 6 - 10: Really cool, actually.  I did not realize kids were this cool.  Around this age they tend to be fairly outgoing, and super curious and eager to learn.  Absolutely do not babytalk; instead, flatter them with how grown-up they are, teach them some Fun Gross Medical Facts, and introduce potentially frightening experiences with “hey, you want to see something really cool?”

Age 11 - 14: Extremely variable.  Can be very childish or very mature, or rapidly switch from one mode to the other.  At this point you can almost treat them as an adult, just… a really sensitive and unpredictable adult.  Do not, under any circumstances, offer stickers.  (But they might grab one out of the bin anyway.)

Age 15 - 18: Basically an adult with severely limited life experience.  Treat as an adult who needs a little extra education with their care.  Keep parents out of the room as much as possible, unless the kid wants them there.  At this point you can go ahead and offer stickers again, because they’ll probably think it’s funny.  And they’ll want one.  Deep down, everyone wants a sticker.

This is also a pretty excellent guide to writing  kids of various ages

shower time, adderall, a glass of whiskey, and diesel jeans