clearly need to update about this
we didn’t talk for nearly 3 months - he was a little shit to me, honestly
so we’re at the holiday party. it ends at 10pm but of course we go to a bar next door and keep drinking. by 12:30, i’ve had it. he’s talking to this girl who’s a fellow with us and they’re holding each other, like, very clearly about to hook up. and i can’t believe it. i felt hurt and disrespected and like i didn’t matter at all to this person who used to mean the world to me, and who told me i meant a lot to him.
so i went outside with my best friend and drunk cried.
and then i went inside, slapped him in the face and left.
then i wrote to him on facebook saying i didn’t know it was possible to be more disappointed in someone, feel so disrespected, and that he was a terrible person. removed him from all social media the next day and i think he blocked me on insta today.
obviously what i did was wrong. even worse was that there were coworkers around. i think a few saw but they’re chill. it’s possible that leadership was still there but i don’t know. it happened so quickly and everyone had been taking shots.
i shouldn’t have, i know this. it was dramatic and terrible of me.
but what he did was terrible too.
after a year of dating, dumping me, then trying to get back in my life, succeeding, and then ignoring me again...that was the cruelest thing i think i’ve ever had done to me. worse than the old juicy campus posts calling me fat and a drunk (which wasn’t false tbh but at least both of those are better...one more so than the other). it was the only way in that moment i could express my hurt...make him feel as terrible as he made me felt, and end it once and for all.
too bad he is so socially awkward that he can’t get past a first round interview anywhere. he’s been trying to leave for a while but can’t get an offer. he needs to leave in order for me to be at peace. i’m terrified in a way of running into him at work but, at the same rate, feel like i finally stood up to the mistreatment i had withstood for so long, and claimed my life back from him. this is some nj housewives meets how stella got her groove back but...idk, i need to believe that this will help me. i think it did. it’s nice knowing it’s over and will never even go back to pleasant acquaintances. he had so many faults and i overlooked them because it was really my first relationship (though wow was it not one in a lot of ways) and i needed to test it out with someone i felt comfortable with after so many years of terrible self-esteem and it gave me the chance to overcome some of the negative experiences i had in the past. for that, i’m grateful. i was thoughtful. i was loving, patient, and forgiving. and when that was thrown in my face, i slapped a bitch.
dear lord, i am sorry for what i did. i know it was wrong. please help me not face any negative repercussions in my career because you know my career is my life. help me learn from all this. and give him a great other opportunity that he leaves my company for. do i get any points for saving that girl from a terrible, emotionally neglectful (i hesitate to say abusive, but it was not healthy) trist? no? you saw through that one? okay. well, sorry again.