Goodbye Blue Monday

I will never get over ppl (yellow text) posting shit like this like its some win making fun of how people talk or act on grindr. sad and lonely behaviour. You should be so lucky to get pussy from a 41 Yr old man who says hii

they won't return my calls but i think i'm onto something

another

When the rest of the world looks at the united states right now, we see a government who sends billions to support genocide but cannot help their own people starving on the streets.

We see a police force who won't go in to save children from school shootings, but deploy at a rapid rate to arrest peaceful protestors using their right to free speech to protest a genocide

America, you are a war mongering snake eating your own tail. You will protect and support war criminals in another country but let your own people starve and die

To the students bravely protesting now, we see your strength. We see what we saw when students protested the Vietnam War. We have faith you will prevail

game that starts out as a cozy little farming sim and gradually expands into full-blown factory farming where you're raising livestock in narrow stalls by the millions and have enough economic sway to influence environmental policy-making that may slow your profits

"buddy that's just cookie clicker again" and when the songbird sings do you make fun of it too?

Your honor I think you'll find that my message "I am going to kill you with a hammer tomorrow morning as you leave for work I know your routine and I will catch you" did not have "/srs" attached to it

Can't decide whether it's funnier to say "my hungry ass could never work at a" and then say something that implies you're eating something truly grotesque or something that just, makes no sense

"my hungry ass could never be a brain surgeon" awful. 10/10

"my hungry ass could never be a truck driver" ????? 10/10

EATYIGNIN TIJOK;L'HE????

why didn’t gandalf just carry the ring to mordor himself with these tongs

like i’m picturing him being really careful and looking at it and carrying it exactly like this while walking or riding through the woods and across rivers and up mountains and through valleys and he doesn’t drop it even once except at the very end where he tidily drops it into the volcano. frodo sam and the crew and even gollum wholly undisturbed. sauron can’t find him bc of the meditative aura surrounding him which is generated by his immense focus on not dropping it

World's most tense egg and spoon race

this somehow became the funniest thing on earth in my head and I had to draw it so

things i’ll not call you a whore for:

things i’ll call you a whore for:

why are lemons separate from food op?

everyone knows lemons arent food

lemon stealing whores are a huge issue separate from food stealing whores. there’s a whole documentary about whores stealing lemons from the trees of unsuspecting victims. you can see the first two minutes of it here.

Thats a rickroll. That totally is a fucking rickroll. No fukin way. Not falling for it.

dude, trust me, that isn’t a rick roll. its something worse

Me to the rest of tumblr after actually watching what was in the link:

…I really don’t know what I was expecting.

What the fuck did i just watch.

It- it’s not a Rick roll

Have we really reached a time when the Lemon Stealing Whores are no longer common knowledge.

my mom was trying to chew through some really tough steak and she turned to me and said “just call me The Gnawer.” she would do numbers here

she told me she doesn't remember saying this. quote, "must have been steak-induced hysteria"

if I say "I have to Austin Powers my car out of a parking space," do you understand what i mean

like this?

shlock brain hurt

not his name.

shamrock going proper mental innit

not even his name.

remember when you used to be able to play snake with the… hold on what’s it called

hmm. don’t think i’ll be calling it that. anyways i was gonna say remember when you could play snake with the buffering circle on youtube but. now i have other concerns

The majority of people are horny. People are always going to be horny. You cannot stop people from being horny. Throughout history there have been extensive attempts to suppress horniness and they haven’t worked. You can be mad about it all you want but horniness will prevail against any adversity. There will always be an aspect of horniness within society. Sexuality cannot be contained by having missionary sex with your spouse alone in the privacy of a dark bedroom.

Customer: NIER AUTOMATA. VIDEO GAME DMV: 2 BLUNTS 9 SLUTS

Verdict: DENIED

They were cooking with this interpretation actually

not to add directly but

the cali dmv is so funny to me

some troll on reddit started dming me and telling me to kill myself and calling me a tranny and all that. and then, a half an hour in, they spring this on me

oh my fucking god