:D

(I wasn’t gonna participate in Gilear Week but then I was going to sleep and I remembered how he promised Fig he was gonna do better and I couldn’t fucking help myself)

"we live in an uncaring universe"

false. i care very deeply. am i not a part of this infinite universe?

the universe is the sum of all things. you are a part of the universe. so are your friends. so is your cat that snuggles with you every night. so is the mcdonald's worker that purposefully put an extra chicken nugget in your meal. the universe doesn't just exist at a macro level, but a micro level too.

What's that poem about the cockroach and the moth where the cockroach is like "I wish I've ever wanted anything the way that moth wanted to burn itself up in that lantern" because we had to read that in high school and it still fucks me up to this day

Ok I found it it's called "the lesson of the moth by archy" and it's by Don Marquis

archy and mehitabel are a treasure, newspaper columnist Don Marquis wrote a lot of these free-verse poems in character as a cockroach named archy (always lowercase because he's a cockroach and can't reach the shift key!!) who was using his typewriter & while it started out as a way of poking gentle fun at the avant-garde poetry of his time (the 1910s - startling how little "avant-garde poetry" has moved forward, isn't it) it evolved over time into some genuinely beautiful and moving poetry

ALSO many of them have illustrations by Krazy Kat author George Herriman which are frankly iconic and adorable!!

you gotta be as gay as possible on the computer otherwise alan turing died for nothing

A world where humans have no innate magic but our pets do.

Cat magic is pretty raw and they mainly use it for getting into places they’re not supposed to. They can be trained if you’re patient, and will sometimes do favours for their owners out if the blue, but only if they want to.

Dogs have been bred for specific magic over the centuries and each breed can do certain things. Showing off your magic is an essential part of a dog show.

Horses come in horse, pegasus, and unicorn, each with their own magical talents.

Fuck knows what birds can do, I don’t trust birds.

For an obvious example… dalmatians have been bred for fire magic. A properly trained dalmatian will run into a burning building and all the fires around it will go out. Caution is necessary, of course, because they can also do the opposite. Their favourite toys are often a bit blackened, and puppies must be kept in fireproof surroundings, with extinguishers in easy reach.

The Pekingese’ magic is camouflage - they can change colour to match whatever they touch, whether a blanket, a mossy rock, or even a reflective mirror. This ability originally enabled them to hide in a robe, so their owners could take them into places where dogs were technically not permitted. The classic image of a pekingese is of it sitting outside a building, appearing to be part of the stonework… until it reveals itself to growl at an intruder.

Portuguese water dogs are canine silkies - in deep enough water they transform into curly-haired seals, and when they climb back out and shake off, they turn back into dogs.

Cats are often thought to be selfish and troublesome, to only use their magic for themselves, and for random but odd favours.

This is not the entire truth.

Cat magic is largely Watch and Ward, which is only observable in what does not happen. Cats are known to protect sleeping humans from danger simply by being present, their lamp-like eyes acting as a sort of n’est pas possible upon all possible intruders, from pests to more deadly threats.

Pitbulls over the ages were bred to emit magic to calm children and help them sleep

Collies can multiply themselves for a short time to corral animals

St Bernard’s turn into snow and can feel where an avalanche is going to happen hours before the event

Anatolian Shepherd can shapeshift into other animals around them to blend in

corgi magic is banned in most public areas, and one of the few dog magics not to be demonstrated in show- allowing your corgi to perform magic in public can be punished with up to $1000 in fines, even before the costs of damage to people and property

Golden Retriever magic is sometimes considered “disney” magic, as they typically attract waterfowl and game birds. this is not always the benefit one thinks it would be, as some lines have a penchant for attracting swans! some, however, attract vertebrates of a different sort. one remarkable individual was given an honorary degree in wildlife biology for her prodigious ability to attract frogs and toads, and is currently hard at work in Costa Rica.

#I would die for that fictional golden retriever scientists

no. you must live for her. she demands it of you. how else would you be able to appreciate all these great amphibians she’s finding?

A cat’s protective aura gets stronger in response to affection and respect. If you bond strongly enough with one, you can actually FEEL the magic working, soothing fear and anxiety. They also work in dreams, catching and killing nightmares. Some can do this from several rooms away, while others like to work more closely and will sit on their owners’ chests or heads while they sleep.

Yes please to all of this.

Rat magic: a mysterious multiplication of SOMETHING–food or other valuable resources generally–which can be pretty handy if you don’t mind the nibble marks.

Beagle magic is mostly low-grade telepathy, which is very handy for coordinating a pack hunt, but also makes individual dogs prone to neurosis.

Some cats, like their behaviour of presenting a prey, also sometimes present their owner with a small magical favour. Sometimes this involves a transmuted treat. Sometimes this involves a clumsy owner growing whiskers

What the hell do Corgis do that it is illegal for them to do their magic in public?

someone give him a grammy

This is fantastic and so confusing. So many songs I had a strong recognization for, and then some lines I had none. I really wanted to sing more than one of each. Wild.

from the notes (thank you to @ yetanotherplayer): Where is the Love Mashup Our Song – Taylor Swift, Angel – Shaggy, Whatever You Like – T.I., Chicken Fried – Zac Brown Band, Love the Way You Lie – Eminem, Feathered Indians – Tyler Childers (yikes), Hey Ya – Outkast, How You Remind Me – Nickelback, Ocean Avenue – Yellowcard, Tubthumping – Chumbawhumba, Sweetest Girl (Dollar Bill) – Wyclef Jean, It’s a Great Day to be Alive – Travis Tritt, Irreplaceable – Beyo, I’ll Name the Dogs – Blake Shelton, BBQ Stain – Tim McGraw, Shape of You – Ed Sheeran, Self Conscious – Kanye West, Country Grammar (Hot Shit) – Nelly, You’re Beautiful – James Blunt, Soul Sister – Train, Every Morning – Sugar Ray, Just A Friend – Biz Markie, Welcome to the Black Parade – My Chemical Romance, I’m Like a Bird – Nelly Furtado, Crazy Bitch – Buckcherry, I Wanna Talk About Me – Toby Keith, Changes – Tupac , Bad Day – Daniel Powter, Scars – Papa Roach.

first day as a second century warlord i have my men tie branches to their horses’ tails to stir up dust and make it look like there’s a lot of us but i forget it just rained so there isn’t any dust and the enemy can clearly see there’s like twenty of us all spread out in a line

second day as a second century warlord i bribe a bunch of kids to start singing a nursery rhyme i carefully crafted to spread misinformation and further my strategic ends but they change the lyrics to be about poop and the enemy isn’t misdirected at all

third day as a second century warlord i lure my enemy into a narrow valley and send a team of archers to shoot them from the high ground but there was a feral hog napping on the trail up to the overlook and they couldn’t decide whether to try and shoot it or just go around and by the time the hog woke up and left on its own the enemy had already passed safely below

fourth day as a second century warlord we attempt to join a battle on the side of the guy we want to ally with but he and the guy he’s fighting have really similar names and it’s finally dusty and i misread the standards and attack the wrong guy. so now we’re stuck with this total loser of a liege lord, because how the fuck do you explain that after a battle?

fifth day as a second century warlord and some sort of wizard wanders into camp, my loser liege lord wants to execute him for being a wizard but i convince him to let the wizard stay, because i want to do more weather-based strategies and i’m pretty sure having a camp wizard can help with that. after the welcome to the team banquet the wizard steals half the treasury and my liege lord’s wife and leaves

sixth day as a second century warlord my loser liege lord sends me to reinforce a city he’s taken, but in the confusion of leaving i forgot to take the token that would have gotten us into the city, so my men have to wait outside the city walls for like eight hours while i ride back to get it

seventh day as a second century warlord and my loser liege lord finally joins me in the city, it turns out he’s actually a pretty cool guy, and he isn’t even that mad at me for letting the wizard steal his wife. i decide to shoot my shot but i’m really nervous and keep on stalling because what if i mess up our relationship and by extension jeopardize the security of my men, and eventually he just says goodnight and goes back to his room, where an assassin is in the process of setting up to kill him

eighth day as a second century warlord and my loser liege lord tells me to fake defect to his rival warlord, the one i originally wanted to ally with, to find out if he was the one who sent the assassin and why. but my whole way over to the rival warlord i’m worried that this has something to do with the wizard thing or how awkward i made it last night

ninth day as a second century warlord i try to tactfully ask my fake liege lord if he sent the assassin to kill my loser liege lord and it turns out the idea of using assassins never occurred to him, but now that i’ve suggested it he’s really into it. in order to save my loser liege lord i volunteer to be the one to kill him

tenth day as a second century warlord on my way back to my loser liege lord’s city i realize i won’t be able to collect my men from my fake liege lord until i bring back my loser liege lord’s head. this would have been a great thing to think of before i got myself in this situation. i go back to my loser liege lord and ask him to rescue my men, and he tells me that if he could sack my fake liege lord’s camp he already would have. that doesn’t change the fact that my men are still trapped. they’re prisoners, even. i go back to my room to sulk

eleventh day as a second century warlord i find a little caged pigeon in the rafters of my loser liege lord’s room and deduce it belonged to the assassin. without asking permission or telling my loser liege lord goodbye i let the pigeon loose and follow it north. don’t ask what i was doing in my loser liege lord’s room. it’s not important

twelfth day as a second century warlord i disguise myself as a wizard and enter the camp of the coalition leader the pigeon led me to. in the middle of my little sleight of hand performance i make eye contact with the coalition leader’s second-in-command. IT’S THE WIZARD THAT STOLE MY LOSER LIEGE LORD’S WIFE. after the banquet i corner the fake wizard and ask him what the fuck is going on and he just says “wouldn’t you like to know” and leaves. i don’t know what to say to that so i just let him go

thirteenth day as a second century warlord i’m honestly so sick of not knowing what’s going on, so i adjust my wizard costume to passably disguise myself as a woman and break into the women’s area of the camp, where sure enough my loser liege lord’s wife is. i ask her what she’s doing here and she tells me the fake wizard overheard her singing a poem she overheard on the street, not knowing it contains the coalition leader’s formation’s weaknesses. the fake wizard kidnapped her and assigned an assassin to kill her husband before they figured out the poem’s significance. she shares the first couplet with me but i’m discovered and thrown out before she can share any more. she doesn’t need to. through a bizarre coincidence of homophones, it’s the poop version of my misinformation nursery rhyme

fourteenth day as a second century warlord i go back to my loser liege lord and tell him everything, urging him to join with my fake liege lord to attack the coalition leader according to the weaknesses in the nursery rhyme. he tells me frankly that he doesn’t trust me anymore. i ask him to execute me if that’s really true, because i can’t bear to live if i can’t protect him and i can’t protect my men. he agrees to attack the coalition leader

fifteenth day as a second century warlord. due to the information in the nursery rhyme, and thanks to my loser liege lord reminding me of the weather conditions multiple times while planning our battle strategy, our alliance carries the day. my loser liege lord gets his wife back. my men tell me that our fake liege lord actually treated them really well and they’d like to stay with him if i don’t mind. i do mind, now that neither the men i love nor the man i love have any use for me, but i don’t tell them that

sixteenth day as a second century warlord i’m preparing to leave to i don’t know where, maybe to try to become a wizard for real, when my loser liege lord stops me and asks me where i’m going. he says he had hoped i would continue to work as his advisor. i was unaware i was his advisor in the first place. i agree, and he tells me he’s truly honored to have me in his service at last. he has known i am a rare and talented man with a strategic intelligence far above his ever since the day he witnessed me tying branches to my horses’ tails in six inches of mud, and could not for the life of him figure out why

If you follow Selmers to the poetry society meeting in Night In The Woods, this is her poem. I loved it and the themes of the game, and wanted to use it as practice to see if i can control the way readers ‘hear’ the words through images.

Could we crash tumblr if we all posted the word "crash" on the 1st of april 2022, 12:35 EST?

Everyone schedule

Pm

Doing it again since I accidentally put the wrong time zone

So everyone can find their time :3

You may ask, "Jenna, why do you want this? Isn't there enough suffering in the world?" Well, you are right. But I want to scare the owners of this site. Not @staff, you know damn well they don't actually call the shots. No, i want to scare the people who make decisions. I want them to know that we can act as a unit and wreck shit on our own accord, that this community can move mountains. I want them to hesitate next time they make an announcement. Popular sovereignty, motherfuckers.

I know most people know this but some people in the notes don't, so reminder that you don't have to wake up or anything to post it, just schedule the post like this:

now you just hit the blue schedule and forget about it until the day it happens 👍

oh hell yeah im doing this gamers join us

Allan Grant. 1944

doodles of the most iconic fairy couple!!

have this quick 13 sketch to start off 2022

Tried out some nightvale quotes in Neuralblender and wow, that neural sure can blend

Conversation that Tumblr is not ready for: