I think the funniest dynamic for arranged-marriage royalty would be a queen who came here 100% prepared to murder her future husband and rule as a widow queen in her own right, only to discover that the king is autistic as hell and responds to her wish to rule with "oh thank god please do, I don't want to be bothered by these people. I can just tell them to go bother you instead, if you really want that. I've got beetles I wanted to study."

"I'm really not good at it," the king admits with horrible, aching grief. The country is in disarray. Peasants go hungry. Nobles trade power amongst themselves with impunity.

So the queen takes over and ruthlessly sets things to rights. Fires several generals, hangs nobles, redirects wealth to the peasantry. It isn't long before the first assassination attempt, which she expected.

She did not expect her docile, beetle-obsessed husband to go absolutely feral and fling himself at the assassins wielding a pair of sharp knives.

Also, the beetles are intended to attack and kill a certain type of invasive worm that has been killing off the gourd and potato crops for decades. He’s been trying since he was a child to crossbreed several native species to be hardier and better diggers. When he finally gets it right it’s all over for you bitches (“you bitches” being mass starvation of subsistence farmers).

Mad Scientist and the Head of HR ass dynamic

brown works so hard and does so much and everyone is so mean to her. coffee chocolate hair leather tea wood eyes broth a warm coat autumn leaves caramelized onions the crust on a loaf of bread. all things good and warm and kind are brown. bitch!

because Cookie Clicker's mobile app is also web-based it means i can test it in my browser which helps speed up development. however there are differences between the rendering engines which affects some display quirks. for instance the actual app renders text completely fine but due to the specific screen scaling setup i use, the browser preview struggles with kerning. this happens regardless of resolution. look at this horror. Thank y ou. C ookie C licker

medieval backstreet boys: you are… my friar

kitchen appliance backstreet boys: you are... my fryer

employer backstreet boys: you are... my hire

ancient greek backstreet boys: you are… my lyre

electrician backstreet boys: you are... my wire

Driving backstreet boys: you are… my tire

appliance backstreet boys: you are... my dryer

[hits side of cd player so that it stops time traveling and gets to the next fucking line dammit]

wizard backstreet boys: the one… descryer

funeral director backstreet boys: bereave, when I say

ghost backstreet boys: I haunt it that way

Existential philosopher backstreet boys: Tell me why

Baker backstreet boys: Ain't nothing but a bundt cake

Soap maker at the supply store backstreet boys: Sell me lye

1950s soda shoppe backstreet boys: Ain't nothing but a milkshake

medieval backstreet boys: you are… my friar

kitchen appliance backstreet boys: you are... my fryer

employer backstreet boys: you are... my hire

ancient greek backstreet boys: you are… my lyre

electrician backstreet boys: you are... my wire

Driving backstreet boys: you are… my tire

appliance backstreet boys: you are... my dryer

[hits side of cd player so that it stops time traveling and gets to the next fucking line dammit]

wizard backstreet boys: the one… descryer

funeral director backstreet boys: bereave, when I say

ghost backstreet boys: I haunt it that way

Existential philosopher backstreet boys: Tell me why

Baker backstreet boys: Ain't nothing but a bundt cake

Soap maker at the supply store backstreet boys: Sell me lye

shoutout to the "foolproof" bread recipe I fucked up entirely for inspiring this

Wood Grain Mushroom Mug // MataMiaArt

I Have Reread Seven Murderbot Books In A Small Number Of Days, and Am Now Completely Insane About The Following Non-Exhaustive List Of Things (in no order)--

i love it when ryoko kui draws the gang in a modern setting but they still have their armour on

like this one specifically. jacket over plate and chainmail armour. sweatpants. hiking boots. i wish people dressed like this for real

FUCK

Alright, to ao3's soon to be arriving Wattpad Refugees, a basic guide to general user culture:

1.) Unlike Wattpads vote system that let's you like each chapter, the ao3 equivalent kudos only allows one per work. Everyone is generally quietly annoyed about this. To engage with each chapter, you're heavily encouraged to comment. Trust me, it makes people's day.

2.) Ao3 has no algorithm. By default it's latest updated work first. You can find things to your taste through searches, filters and tags.

3.) 'No archive warnings apply' and 'user has chosen not to use archive warnings' mean two very different things. No archives warnings means the work is free from any content that could require a warning tag (character death, graphic depictions of violence, non-con, etc). User has chosen not to use archive warnings means it could contain any of the warning content, be it hasn't been explicitly tagged. Treat it like an allergen. No archive warnings apply is allergen free. User has chosen not to use archive warnings, may contain traces or whole chunks of the allergen. If you're likely to have a bad reaction, maybe don't take the risk.

4.) Speaking of warnings, ao3 has very few restrictions on the type of work that's allowed. Whatever your personal thoughts or feelings on that are, thats how the site is. You're likely to run across some dark subject matters and a lot of people are uncomfortable with reading that. You're well within your rights not like these works and have your opinion on whether they should be allowed, but harassing the authors of such works (or any works) is more likely to come back on you than them. Ao3 operates on a strong policy of 'don't like, don't read'. Use the tagging system to your full advantage to only engage with the kind of works you want to see.

We look forward to welcoming you all and seeing the fantastic works you create. Happy writing!

make sure to put yourself on the invitation waitlist now if you don’t have an account already!

Why did someone die in my inbox

Tactoon-cat Cartoons

With each I was like “Surely the cat doesn’t actually look like that in the image. surely this is an exaggeration.” but then I scrolled and yes, the cats are liquid

that last one did not disappoint. 

by far the best part of grocery shopping is the little babies. i was carefully selecting mushrooms when i felt upon me a piercing gaze and looked up to see a very chubby and very red-cheeked baby staring intently at me from a grocery cart with a slightly furrowed brow, hand clutching an apple for dear life. i wiggled a mushroom at her and she gasped and kept staring. i turned back to the mushrooms and heard a shriek. i turned around and the baby stared in anticipation. i wiggled another mushroom and she shrieked again in delight. she looked down at the apple in her hand, considering it for a moment. fair-minded as she was, she decided it would only be right to wiggle produce at me in return, and she held up the apple and shook it with all her might. i think i could live forever now