I use a generator for my characters, and Io was the first character I needed to see. When this iteration of a face appeared, I was instantly excited, thinking "holy shit it's her."

There were many other faces, but when this one showed up, it was so hard to see her as anything else. The only issue I had was the generator using the wrong eye color, but with some versions, I couldn't let the rest of the design go to waste.

Altair is loosely inspired by a few characters - Lupin, Dumbledore, and, in some cases, Sirius. It was hard to imagine exactly how old he'd be, and I actually think these photos are aged up too much. In reality, I see him as a mustached Daniel Henney (ha, I wish). He has a very quiet demeanor, and he only ever smiles to himself and not very often.

He and Dumbledore's friendship and mentorship is not something I really dove into, but it'd be interesting to explore that more considering how Altair was willing to help Albus with the request.

Let's talk about this story while I anxiously try to get past my exhaustion and writer's block! (part 1)

Serpent on Fire as a title was a random thought that I somehow was able to work into the actual storyline. I would love to say that my planning ability was so impressive that I'd had this in mind from the start, but to show how this was just not the case, let's take this to the very beginning where this story was actually just an unnamed draft I wrote that sat in a Google Drive for over five years... and it wasn't even my Drive.

Finally getting around to writing...

As I mentioned in my previous post, I've been in the process of moving all week. At least, my computer is all set up, and I'm finally getting cozy in my new space. I'm so excited to get back to writing.

New Format

If you're here from my A03 - life has been hectic! I'm transforming this account into a place where I can post updates to my process and perhaps some teasers....

Right now, I'm in the process of moving, so there won't be any updates until I'm all settled in (Tuesday!).

For Harry Potter fanfic readers,

I just started a new Malfoy/OC fic on fanfiction.net! Please give it a read :)

Today wasn't as bad as yesterday, but it was worse than the day before that.

When you try to forget someone, but you have to actively think about forgetting them - it's like needles in your throat or a fire on your spine. The feeling lingers and lingers until it just doesn't anymore.

Had it been months? Days?

Seconds?

Had it really been seconds since the last time I thought about you without such bitterness?

The bitter taste in my mouth was not a reflection of you, but maybe the absence of you. The feeling of the void tasted bitter, and it made me ache all over for days at a time.

But maybe it's better to have this taste than to think of the sweetness of loving you. That sweet, sticky taste coated my mouth, my throat, and trickled its way into my bloodstream. My lips swear they remember the way you tasted. It was all muscle memory - the spot on your neck, the twitch of your fingers, the flutter of your eyes before we sank into each other. My fingertips still feel you, and my limbs swear your body never left my bed.

You became the substance in me that I couldn't ignore, couldn't forget, and couldn't resist. Days of that sugar on my fingertips, is it better to feel it on my skin than to shrink down and accept the ache?

If we wanted to try again, we would, and if you asked me if I could wait, I would.

And if you told me to turn around and never look back, I would try - but only because it's you who told me to.

There are the days when the bitter feeling takes over everything I touch. Nothing looks the same because it's not with you. This was the feeling of needing to forget but not knowing how. The pressure on my chest was a reminder that even breathing felt sour.

Would it be painful to keep remembering? Would remembering hurt more than forgetting? And when I do eventually forget, would it hurt that much more to know I was able to forget you?

Sometimes I breathe in the cold summer air just to give my lungs rest from the fire, but the embers well up in my chest until all I can do is let the memories dissipate into "what was" instead of "what we are."

One day, I will forget you, and it will break me. But the version of myself who lives past you will pick up the pieces and build something new.

So when that shattered, but whole version of me inevitably crosses paths with you again, what will you have me do? You left me with the ache, and I ached until this was my new numb. And if you say, let's try again - now that we're both broken and pieced back together again - would I dare say yes?

Would I say yes, knowing that when I put myself back together, I found every piece of me except the one you stole when you said your last goodbye?

You stared at the fridge door with shallow breaths. It was times like this when the single clock that hung above your living room cabinets seemed to tick extra loud.

The wedding invitation stuck to the door with a small magnet, and it'd been there for months. Even though you'd practically memorized it, it never got any easier to read.

He was getting married.

It wasn't like you and your ex had any lingering feelings, but knowing the one real love you'd ever experienced was suddenly gone from your life forever, it was an entirely new feeling. It felt the same as being lost - like you were standing in the middle of a room and someone turned off the lights without any warning. This was the feeling of "You're being forgotten" pressing down on your chest.

It hasn't gotten any easier.

You'd RSVP'ed two weeks ago, and you'd already forgotten that you'd scribbled a name as your plus one.

It was Chan; the coworker who was there the first time you found out your ex had moved on.

Chan always kept a comfortable distance. He'd bring you coffee on Mondays, and on Friday, he'd bring extra snacks. When the office would go out after work, he was always taking the shots you were too inebriated to take, and if you needed to drink your sorrows, he was always ready to drive you home.

You'd developed a soft spot for him, but knowing that you were still lingering in the bittersweet feeling of heartache kept you from getting too close. Chan was too kind, too good to ever be used as some kind of cushion for loneliness.

He hung around often now that he knew the wedding was steadily approaching. Maybe he thought you were likely to drown yourself in alcohol again.

Chan opened the fridge, interrupting your silent stare.

"Are you ready?"

You nodded quietly. "My dress is back from the cleaners, and the landlord said she'd check on the dogs for me."

He nodded, taking a sip of water. "But are you ready to see him? Like that?"

"I don't think I ever thought I'd have to see him like that, so - no. I'm not ready." You laughed despite feeling like your heart was still sore.

Chan grabbed one of your hands and massaged your palm.

Despite keeping a comfortable distance, it was little gestures like this that made you feel awful. He was close enough to just melt into, but it all seemed like it was too soon. He might think he was just a replacement - a pain pill to swallow because getting over your ex just hurt so much.

It was also little gestures like this that actually made the pain dissipate. It was confusing. You didn't know if you were really healing because of Chan or because you were just getting used to the feeling.

You pulled your hand away slowly.

Chan held his breath before sighing. "Are you sure you want me to go? Whenever I -"

"Yes, please, I really don't think I could do this without you." You stifled a smile.

"I just feel like you can't figure out if you're comfortable around me or not." He finished. "I don't want... to make you feel like you have to be around me or string me along."

"Do you think I'm stringing you along?"

"No - no, I just -" He laughed nervously. "Please don't hate me for saying this. I just can't tell where you've set your boundaries with me."

"My boundaries?"

Chan bit his lip as he tried to find the right words. "Look I don't want you to think that I only look after you because I'm trying to date you, but I would also be lying if I said I didn't... already like you."

The second those words passed his lips, the wedding invite fell to the floor and flew across the kitchen.

He met you by the floor, fingers grabbing the other corner of the invite.

In what seemed like a small game of tug-of-war, you both sat down on the floor, the invite separating your hands.

Chan's grip on the poor sheet of cardstock tightened. "I didn't want to just dump that on you, but I felt like I was going to burst if I didn't say it out loud. There are just some days where - I swear - I feel like I can't help but look at you like -" He paused.

It wasn't that you had nothing to say. It's just that hearing him say it made everything change. The air in the room, the way his voice sounded - the color of his hair, his eyes, his lips - it was all changing.

" - like you were everything I wanted." He dropped his corner of the invitation. "And I know how shitty my timing is, trust me, I get it. We're literally going to a wedding tomorrow for a guy who shattered your heart into pieces, and, to be honest, I fucking hate the guy for how he made you feel so it will take everything in me not to punch him just because it's his wedding."

He paused his rant to take a breath and let out a chuckle.

"But every time I see you give in and then pull away, it makes me think you don't want me to get the wrong impression. So I'll say it first. I like you. And I know you're still hurting. I just need you to know that if giving in is making you feel like a burden - "

He wasn't making eye contact with you, and it drove you crazy.

Dropping the invitation, you leaned in, practically sitting in his lap. Your lips landed on his. The scent of his cologne trailing off his collar and into your hair. He was keeping you steady, keeping you close, and it just felt like drifting into a dream.

The kisses were small, imperfect, but sweet and genuine. And when it was time to catch your breath, he left more imprints of his lips on your cheeks before kissing your nose gently.

You readjusted, still sitting in his lap on the kitchen floor.

"I think I'll be okay tomorrow." You kissed his forehead. "Please just stay with me. And if, after the nightmare is over, you decide you still want to... be here, messily on the kitchen floor with me, then I would like that."

Chan returned the kiss, letting his lips linger on the base of your neck.

"This is the only place I want to be."

Sunlight hit Hyunjin's eyes first before he realized that his face was warm. The sun had risen half an hour ago, and he'd missed the dawn. It took a moment for everything to come into focus.

As his eyes adjusted, he was met with the strangest thing - a black ceiling fan. And pale blue sheets.

This ceiling was not his, and he knew his sheets were white. This was not his room.

Rubbing his eyes, careful not to strain, Hyunjin took deep breaths of foreign air. He turned over towards the windows.

There you were - sleeping soundly, quietly, and heavily in the Saturday morning sunlight.

Hyunjin almost released an audible gasp, but he didn't know how heavy of a sleeper you were. Your eyes were still fluttering.

Looking around again, the calendar on the wall caught his eye.

October 12th had a red mark around it, and slowly, some memories came back.

You two met that Tuesday. It was the day you'd moved into your new apartment in Itaewon, and you looked so innocent and so lost. Hyunjin caught you trying to find the bookstore around the corner.

It was on that Friday that he realized he was looking for you and expecting you to turn that corner. Straight to the mystery novels, but you'd always come in with a notebook and pen as if you were writing a novel of your own.

On Saturday, he asked you out on a date.

The dates were slow. Sweet.

And at the end of every night, he'd walk you back to your apartment. You'd kiss him sweetly and say -

"See you tomorrow."

A dozen dates, and it was always the same. You'd place your hand on the line of his jaw, your fingers tugging ever so gently just below his ear. The kisses were always simple - impactful. And at some point, he wondered if it'd always be like this.

A tug, a kiss, and a see you tomorrow.

The notion terrified him, but it wasn't enough to discourage him.

He'd still show up to your office with coffee and flowers, patience on his lips. You'd still reciprocate - a tug, a kiss, and a tomorrow.

On the thirteenth date - lucky thirteen, Hyunjin wondered again.

He walked you to the outside entrance of your apartment just as he'd done for the past three weeks - not as your boyfriend or as your lover, not as a friend but not as a stranger.

Your fingers tugged him again - another kiss and a tomorrow.

Hyunjin turned his heel to grab a taxi home, but this time was different. This time you stopped him. The tug wasn't that of your fingers on his chin but of your gasp on the hem of his jacket.

The rest of his night - that was all a blur, a jumble of memories that hadn't yet pieced themselves together yet in his mind. Blips of holding your hand in the elevator - your hand gripping his so tightly. Your fingers trembling with the lock of your apartment door. The uneasy silence as you pulled him into you as the door shut.

He followed your pace - slow, steady, but so sure of the next move. It was all natural with you. When his lips met the supple skin of your neck, your fingers tangled through his hair, but when your eyes met his, it was a maddening silence, seconds ticking through heavy air and tempered breaths.

It was coming back now. Hyunjin's jacket was by the front door, and his jeans were in the hall. Your blouse was thrown near the couch, but his shirt was -

You stirred.

His shirt was on you. Your bare shoulder peaked through the collar.

This is how the night ended. Well, this is how the morning began. As each step of your dance completed itself in Hyunjin's mind, the flush rose to his cheeks. This was the tomorrow you'd teased him with and the morning he didn't know he was waiting for.

Grabbing his phone, Hyunjin ordered two americanos and milk bread for immediate delivery.

On time, as he came back into the room, your coffees balanced in his arms, you sighed awake.

A tug, a kiss, and a forever in the bed beside him.

"how could i forget the feeling of falling in love with you"

It had been a while. That was really all you could think to describe the situation you and Jinyoung had been through for the past few years. While your relationship was nearly perfect, life pulled him away, and it was just a matter of time before one of you moved on first. It wasn't like you expected him to wait because, hey, if he really was as wonderful as you thought he was - who wouldn't fall in love with him?

It was the part where he fell in love that made it so much worse. It was like seeing the possibilities of you two reuniting like some cheesy romance novel just burn away and float into the air.

While you two remained friends, this was the week you were dreading.

Jinyoung was moving back, and now it was time to face the beautiful demon you'd worked so hard to forget.

Checking your makeup and hair in the mirror, you thought you'd put little effort into your looks. This wasn't a date. Let's make that perfectly clear. This was simply two friends reuniting after not seeing each other for a few years. By now, you were comfortably single and not looking for anything anymore. Relationships were exhausting, but being in love with Jinyoung was a marathon.

You walked to the bar, peeping at your phone every now and then.

And there he was on the other side of the glass. He didn't look too different. His skin was just as clear though his face looked a little slimmer. Somehow his hair still looked the same despite the time away.

Taking one step towards the door, you hesitated. Truly, he was there. But suddenly, the years of realizing that you'd let yourself wait for someone who wasn't waiting for you came flooding back like a reality check. He was here waiting for you for the first time in years. Did it really seem fair that he didn't have to wait that long?

You took two steps back. It didn't feel right anymore. The daydreams didn't seem so sweet, and your brain went into flight mode.

"Oh - " You ended up backing into someone else. "I'm so sorry!"

FNLABDLANDOS I'M SO SORRY

Basically the thing in my last Chan fic happened (-': it's been a few months and I'm finally better

Bruh I haven't written about him forever - I can try!!!! Any genre or....?

Hi, I've been really sad lately, I'm sorry

"i promised i'd forget, but you're all i see when i dream the night away"

The world never felt so heavy.

You'd never thought that scrolling through social media could create this bleeding ring in your ears, yet somehow here you are, unable to look at your phone. The photo you stumbled across had already been burned into your memory. There were times when you could forget what song you'd just listened to, and yet this one image had suddenly been burned, a permanent nightmare in your mind.

Your ex looked happy. It wasn't a bad breakup, but after a year, you couldn't expect him to stay single forever. You'd both agreed to move on, and while you swore you had, seeing the photo of him with a beautiful girl kissing his cheek made your shoulders heavy. Staring at your blacked out screen, it was like the photo was still there, and no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't keep yourself from seeing it. Every time you closed your eyes, there he was.

Happy.

You fumbled with your cell phone, placing it face down on your desk before your boss could catch you. It was hard to hide the look on your face. It was pain, sadness, and confusion. How was it that after all this time, you hadn't succeeded in moving on, but he had?

Was it you? Or was this girl really so special that you were worth forgetting?

The feeling of being forgotten - it's seeing the dust gather on photos and the doorknob that he will never open again.

It's over.

"Do you have the paperwork for the meeting tomorrow?" Chan popped into your office, placing a fresh mug of coffee on your desk. You'd started here only six months ago, but he already knew that you liked your coffee light and sweet. "Jisoo wants to make sure we're not missing anything before -"

"Yeah, I have it." You said curtly, looking back at your computer, typing away at your report. "I'll bring it to you later."

"I mean, I can wait for it if you have it ready."

"Chan," you looked up at him. "I said I'll bring it to you later."

Chan looked at you with mild concern. Sure, there were a lot of women in the office, and the men had eventually learned when not to step on toes in the case of any mood swings because of work stress. You weren't one of those people though. You were the type of person who'd rid the stress with a bar of chocolate and be done with it. You'd never snapped at him before.

"Okay." Chan backed out quietly. He ducked into the next office over. Knocking on Minki's office door, he peered in.

"Hey," Minki stood up. "I gotta bring these to the fourth floor, can you watch the phone for me?"

"Yeah, no problem." Chan smiled before taking a seat.

Ping

He knew that you and Minki were office best friends ever since you got hired. While he didn't mean to see it, Minki left his messenger open and slowly your messages came flooding in.

x: he moved on x: am i supposed to be upset? x: we broke up a year ago, so why do i feel so defeated haha x: maybe i'm just decomposing. why do i feel like this x: can we get drinks later? i know you hate it when i drink to drown out my sorrows, but i just can't be here right now.

Damn.

Chan swore he didn't mean to see all that. That would explain the mood though.

x: i didn't think i'd miss him this much. i just want to forget about it.

Taking in a deep breath, Chan pulled out his phone and made a call.

"Chan, why did you need me for this stupid client dinner? And who the hell has dinner at 4PM?" You continuously complained as he drove you down the road into the next district.

"Just relax, it'll be fine."

You rested your head against the passenger side window. As your breath fogged up the glass, you scribbled little hearts, peppered over the skyline as Chan drove. It wasn't until you started seeing signs that you realized you were at Banpo Bridge. Chan pulled into the empty parking lot.

"The client wants to have dinner here? What are we doing - getting takeout?" You jested.

Chan opened your door. "Go sit over there, I'll be right back."

You took your seat right by the edge of the water. The weather really was perfect today. The fresh air helped clear out your thoughts. Even though the breakup was a year ago, seeing that photo really made it feel like it just happened yesterday. Your heart broke twice, and yet you couldn't bring yourself to think that you hate him now. You loved him as a memory - a beautiful, happy memory, and it was time to let go now.

Chan re-emerged next to you, a bag with four bottles of soju and piping hot ramen in his hands.

"Um -" You nearly laughed at the sight of him struggling to carry everything. "Am I missing something? Are the clients your drinking buddies?"

"Sit, sit, please." Chan arranged everything down on the ledge.

"Not that I'm ungrateful, but I am confused."

"I, uh." He sat down next to you, removing his jacket. "I'm sorry. Please don't be mad at me."

Stopping halfway from opening a bottle, you looked up at him.

"y/n, Minki had me watch over his desk, and I... I'm sorry, I saw your messages."

"Chan, that was private." You looked down at your shoes, feeling the heaviness in your chest again.

"I know. And I'm sorry." He grabbed the bottle from you and opened it himself. "Minki had to run to another meeting, and I saw how sad you were. I just figured I'd help you escape for a bit. I called in a favor from the interns to watch your stuff, so we could... do this, I guess."

You'd always known Chan was a softie. He was that guy in the office who never forgot about birthdays and important events. He was never late, and he would do everything he could to help out the new people. Even to you, he was a big help whenever you needed it.

"Again, I'm sorry." He poured two shots and handed you one. "But you looked like you needed it, so - cheers."

You watched him as you threw back your soju. You stifled a smile, "Pitiful, isn't it. Still feeling like you've been dumped even after an entire year."

Chan winced as the alcohol hit the back of his throat. "Not at all. Who said that a year was the right time to get over someone? There's no rule for that."

You continued to sip slowly, watching him open up all the snacks.

"I haven't had a girlfriend in years, and I swear, after my last girlfriend and I broke up, I couldn't stop thinking about her even because of the littlest things. It wasn't a bad breakup, but when you have so many happy moments with someone, you can't help but feel sad when you see that person making new moments with someone else. It makes you wonder if that could've been me, y'know?"

It couldn't be stopped. One deep breath and suddenly all the tears started pouring out. You couldn't control your breathing, and it felt like the weight of the world finally came crashing down on your chest, reminding you of every little happy memory that had to be released into the ocean like confetti.

Chan rushed over, placing his jacket on your shoulders. He hushed you, rubbing your arms to warm you up. Crouching down in front of you, he pulled you up and brought you into his chest.

"Wait, I'll get makeup on your shirt -"

He laughed at your childish worries. "It's just a shirt. Just go ahead, it's okay. I can get it dry-cleaned, and you're worth more than some shirt."

Feeling your tears soak up in the cotton, you just cried, and Chan let you until it felt like there was nothing left. You chest was still heaving, but you felt the weight lift slowly. The sea air started filling your lungs again like an icy burn.

"I'm sorry." You finally looked up, mascara stained on your cheeks. You smeared what you could from your face before sitting.

"Stop apologizing." Chan sat down beside you again. "Do you feel better?"

"A little."

Placing his hand on yours, Chan smiled. It was a warm gentle smile. He squeezed, "It will get better. I promise."

"I just feel like everyone keeps moving on, and I'm just stuck here."

"Where is 'here' to you? 'Here' to me is existing with a good job with good friends and a good life. 'Here' is anything you're doing happily without him." He reached up to cup your cheek. "I know you feel miserable, but your body won't let you feel this way forever. And neither will I. Please don't feel as if 'here' is an awful place. 'Here', you have me, and I'll stay until you're not sad anymore."

Peering up at him with red eyes, you smiled with whatever energy you had. Sadness still sat on your shoulders, but it didn't feel so awful anymore.

Chan nodded towards you.

"Until you're not sad or until you ask me to leave - I'll be here for you."

@ my anon requesters

Please leave an emoji with your requests! I add all requests to a writing queue since I don't like leaving things unread in my inbox.