Tay

Hozier is one of my favorite artists of all time and tbh I have no idea what he’s saying half the time but the vibes are immaculate and boy do I ride that high

The human body is truly remarkable because the all the symptoms of pregnancy are the EXACT SAME symptoms of PMS and natures just like have fun with the anticipation and flips you off

Happy Friday

Tuesday was significant in many ways. For the past 7 years, it’s been the day I dread the most. The yearly reminder that there is a time in history when my bodily autonomy was taken away from me, and the people who promised to protect me chose not to because “this would ruin his life”, completely overlooking the fact that MY entire life was unraveling in front of them.

Seven. Years.

But, this year was different. It was different because it takes 7 years to regenerate every single cell in the human body. There is not one single cell of me that has not been my own, not in my control, not one. single. cell. that he ever took advantage of.

With that being said, this doesn’t “fix” me. There is no regenerating memories, you can’t “reset” your trauma. Even after all this time, it’s something that I still live with. Most days, it’s a distant memory. But some days, a scent, a sound, a name, a strangers face in a crowd that just looks too familiar brings that tiny memory to the forefront of my mind. There were many times I truly did not believe I would live to see this day. And I probably wouldn’t have without my amazing support system. My friends and family stood up and stood beside me every step of the way. They loved me immensely, even when it was hard, even when I did everything possible to push them away because I had no idea how to cope with the unbearable nightmare that had become my day-to-day. There are so many people that got me here, too many to count. Many of those who, unfortunately, knew exactly what I was going through.

Since sharing my story, many people have reached out, sharing their stories and desperately trying to find someone who gets it instead of drowning in a pool of “I’m sorry”’s. It’s empowering to see how many people felt safe enough to share often the most hurtful and vulnerable aspect of their lives, but also heartbreaking to know how cruel this world can be.

I wish I could go back to 7 years ago, and tell that scared 18 year old college freshman what we’ve become, what we’ve overcome, and that God is so, so good. There will come a day where you will experience joy like you could never imagine, wearing a white dress and spending the entire day surrounded by your entire world, and driving off into the sunset to spend the rest of your life with your best friend.

To all my friends and family who have supported me over the years, who’ve loved me unconditionally, who carried me through the darkest of times, from the bottom of my heart, thank you 💛

Being put on ADHD medicine after 25 years undiagnosed is great because I actually feel like a human in the morning but why do I feel so nauseous in the afternoon and so fucking irate at the world in the evening

Being in a healthy relationship is great until it hard at to hide your self destructive tendencies

I make myself sick thinking about how disgusting I am