sylph-of-breath reblogged
eight beautiful years of vagina bones
sylph-of-breath reblogged
The things I devoured so I could devour you
sylph-of-breath reblogged
Cosmere Characters React to Finding Fanfic/Fanart of Themselves: A Collab with Cosmereplay
As requested by anon :)
I asked @cosmereplay to collab with me on this anon's request, and happily, she agreed! Basically, I've written the fanart parts of this, and Cosmereplay has taken care of the fanfic parts since I, ah, don't read fanfic and wouldn't know the really good jokes.
1. Shallan, Adolin, & Kaladin Read Fanfic
Shallan (reading tags): Hmmm...ace Kaladin, aromantic Kaladin, bisexual Kaladin, bottom Kaladin (I'll have to look into that one later...), demisexual Kaladin, demiromantic Kaladin, dom Kaladin... Adolin: What are the relationship tags like? Shallan: Let's see... blushes thoroughly OH LOOK KALADIN/SLEEP! THAT'S SO SWEET! Oooh...Kaladin/Happiness! Kaladin: Everybody's a critic. Adolin: They just want you to be happy, Kal! Kaladin: I-I'm fine most of the time!
2. Elend & Vin Look at Fanart
Elend: Wow! Stunning! Magnificent! Vin (peering over his shoulder): Uh, Elend, I think you're supposed to be looking at art of yourself. Those are all pictures of me. Elend: Can you blame me?? I mean look at you here! Vin: I suppose I look...somewhat cool there. Elend: Ascendent, I'd say!
3. Ellista and Pai Read "Covenant" by liesmyth
Ardent Ellista: Oh you HAVE to read this one, it's the most popular Cosmere fic by kudos! Kaladin Stormblessed and Highprince Adolin are soulmates, it's so sad yet hopeful! Ardent Pai: I bet it doesn't even mention their class differences. Ardent Ellista: No it totally does! And it really gets in the way of them kissing!! Ardent Pai: Well maybe I'll take a look then.
4. The Kholin Family Look at Fanart: Part 1 (Dalinar & Navani)
Jasnah (slamming a large tome onto the table): All right, everyone. I've finished my extensive research into the fanart of our family. Jasnah: Dalinar, according to my findings, people on the internet find you (a) extremely sexy and (b) wish you to be shirtless on the beach. Jasnah: There is also extensive interest in you being strong but vulnerable in the face of Odium, which I believe goes back to point (a), your assumed sexiness. Dalinar: ... Dalinar: I see. Jasnah: Navani, the residents of the internet desperately wish to see you explore women as romantic/sexual options. Navani: ...In general, or specific women? Jasnah: Mostly Ialai and Raboniel, from what I have seen. You can see here, and here. Navani: Sure, makes sense. Dalinar: (Does it??)
5. Sigzil & Lopen Read Fanfic
Sigzil: Bridge Fourgy? Ohhh... oh no... Lopen: Well now you GOTTA read it, gancho! Sigzil: I will burn it is what I will do.
6. Hoid & Design Look at Fanart
Hoid: (huffing and harumphing) Design: Well, I think the art is nice! Hoid: (harumphing and huffing) Design: The colors are spot-on, there's some symmetry... Hoid: (muttering) I've been involved in practically every Cosmere-significant event...I tell stories with colors and magic imagery...I beat up Kelsier that one time... Hoid: But nooooo they only want to draw me in the Mare shirt with mismatching socks and sandals!!! AND TINY RED SHORTS Design: Wow, look at my boobs in this one! They're so round and shiny! Hoid: ...I feel like you are not sympathizing with me here.
7. Rushu & Jasnah read "The Princess and the Captain" by ailvara
Rushu: Your Majesty I looked into the most popular fanfic by hits and discovered it's an ongoing slowburn romance between you and, uh... well... Jasnah: Out with it, Rushu. Rushu: You and Kaladin Stormblessed. Jasnah: Me? And Kaladin?? But he's half my age! And we've done nothing but argue! Rushu (blushing): I think that's part of the appeal, Your Majesty. Jasnah: Give me that. (reading) Well if he said THAT then maybe I wouldn't have... hm... Rushu, cancel my appointments for the next hour, I need to finish this. Rushu: Of course, Your Majesty! (sotto voice) Thank goodness she still doesn't know about the Hoid foot fics...
8. The Kholin Family: Part 2 (Adolin & Renarin)
Jasnah (continuing to leaf through her large book of findings): Adolin, according to my research, the internet thinks that you are a handsome, sweet man who wishes to be with his friends. For example, here. Jasnah: It is mostly you, Shallan, and Kaladin, however you want to read that. Adolin: As...reality? Jasnah: Renarin, if you are not suffering emotionally alongside a stained glass motif, or suffering emotionally as a child alongside Dalinar, then you are with Rlain. Renarin: With him as in...? Jasnah: Yes. Renarin: ... Renarin: I thought we were being fairly subtle! Jasnah: You were not.
9. Moash & Leshwi Read Fanfic
Moash: What are the fics about me like? Leshwi: Well, you either die a violent, horrible death or you make tender love to... Leshwi: ... Leshwi: ...Kaladin Stormblessed? You know him? Moash: Ok so here's the thing
10. Moash & Kaladin Look at Fanart
Moash: Okay...I should definitely get my ears pierced, right? Moash: I mean...look at me. Look at me, Kal! Hot, right? Moash: ...Kal? Kaladin: ... Kaladin: [silently pushing this art toward Moash] Kaladin: There are a lot like this. Moash: What, of you standing? Kaladin: Smiling. Kaladin: People want me to smile, I guess. Moash: ... Moash: Well, I bet you'd smile more if I was always looking hot in earrings, huh? Kaladin: Heh, yeah, probably.
sylph-of-breath reblogged
The Way of Kings just crushed my girlfriend's box of sex toys under its sheer weight
sylph-of-breath reblogged
Bilbo barely passed Old Took's record lifespan after having a supernaturally-life-extending ring for 60 years. which begs a question. what the hell did Old Took do
I have a theory that somewhere back up the line gandalf fucked a took. This sounds like complete crack but hear me out. The tooks are rumored to have “fairy blood” which in LOTR terms means either elves or maia. There is an ancestor who’s unusually tall and many of them are noted to live unusually long lives unless they meet with illness or injury, same as the numenorians did. They don’t hve extra pointy ears and elves don’t have a special interest in the line. But who DOES have a special interest in looking after tooks (and bilbo who is a took on his mother’s side/his adopted son frodo)? Gandalf. That dude is ALWAYS fussing over some silly little guy. He regularly brought the old took birthday presents.
Back in the day some bold hobbitess decided to climb that old man and ever since then gandalf has been looking after his line of tiny crazy bastards and no one will convince me otherwise.
sylph-of-breath reblogged
Screeeeching at this meme a girl I went to high school w posted recently
mintmagicwizard
story time
they used to give us 15 minutes to do the mile, which meant you could walk it and still qualify if you watched your pacing
one time we were doing the mile and my buddy (a japanese-american goth music nerd guy who wore fishnets and stuff to school) ran by me, huffing and puffing, which was weird because he usually did it in a half hour walk
i was on pace to finish in 14 minutes 30 seconds, walking in solidarity with my friends even tho i grew up playing all the sports and could have easily run it, because fuck school and fuck gym class in particular
Anyway i see my buddy (we didn’t hang out much in school but we grew up playing together because we lived on the same block) i see him go by hauling ass, high-key unusual, so i cranked up to a run, caught up to him, and asked him what the hell
So he tells me (in a gasping sort of way) that the gym teacher, a terrible bully who was always riding me and my friends, was once again giving him shit about never qualifying on the mile and my friend reminds him that he’s excused by a doctor, and the gym teacher basically called him a faker and threatened to fail him if he didn’t run
“so i got a couple of us witnessed that…. and now i’m gonna give myself a fucking asthma attack… because i’m fucking sick of this shit all the time… fuck that motherfucker… i hope i goddamn die on him”
the school wound up having to call an ambulance, he coughed up actual blood and passed out
the gym teacher got suspended over it, when he came back he stopped fucking with the un-athletic students. And my buddy didn’t even have to show up at all for gym class for the rest of the year. School legend
sylph-of-breath reblogged
happy mother’s day to that mom who sold y/n to one direction
sylph-of-breath reblogged
Yareta (Azorella compacta) in Bolivia (elevation of 14,000 ft.).
This may look like a moss, but it isnt! This is a broad-leafed plant in the carrot family, Apiaceae.
These plants can grow to bve over 3000 years old. This large specimen may be over 1000 years old.
photographs by Mark Dwyer
I LOVE THIS FREAK SO MUCH
sylph-of-breath reblogged
getting stoned and playing minecraft: stand still fro 1 hour watching your friends build something
getting stoned and playing sekiro: beat every boss hitless first try and finish the game in 1 second
.....
sylph-of-breath reblogged
U.S. people, if you bought cinnamon from Dollar Tree, Dollar General, or other discount stores, throw it out. It's got lead
It’s these brands specifically, just in case you picked them up somewhere else (via WaPo’s “the Seven” morning newsletter)
sylph-of-breath reblogged
micro-usb-deactivated20230625
this is surreal to me
in case anyone wants to cheat on their wife
sylph-of-breath reblogged
some troll on reddit started dming me and telling me to kill myself and calling me a tranny and all that. and then, a half an hour in, they spring this on me
oh my fucking god
Going to sneak into her house and inject her with estrogen
sylph-of-breath reblogged
help i cant stop making edits with my dog
sylph-of-breath reblogged
Explaining the Kendrick Drake feud to my New England Old Money friend
this man is 27
sylph-of-breath reblogged
my biologically 22 year old transgender daughter, turning deep red and trying not to pop a blood vessel: H...HAAAAAAAA......RRRAAAAAAAGHHH!!!!
me, periodically glancing back over my shoulder while doing 110 down the I-95: Come on sweetheart, focus! Kids 6 and under eat free at this place and I know you can age regress 2 more years
the angel chained up in the passenger seat browsing the menu on his phone with his free hand: do u guys think these are like actual buttermilk pancakes or is it just a marketing term
sylph-of-breath reblogged
mm fulled of eggs
wait fuck NOT A FETISH POST NOT A FETISH POST NOT A FETISH POST. HARBOILED EGG ARE HARD BOPILED CHICKEN EGGS . CHIECKEN EGGS I ATE THEM NOT !! PEGNANT
700 notes I jus wokered up. All of you are evil beasts . 4 more eggs as little snack
oh i can make this worse
understandable
sylph-of-breath reblogged
sherlock holmes deduces you are trans before you've figured it out yourself and refers to you with those pronouns and then when you look confused is like "ah...had you not arrived at that conclusion yet?" and wafts away in his dressing gown to smoke seventeen pipes, leaving you in a gender crisis