A strange alien doctor stands near the unconscious body of Padme Amidala. “It appears she has lost the will to live.” A older man with a limp hobbles closer with the aid of a cane. “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard,” says Dr. Gregory House.

-Keeps Padme on life support despite DNR, somehow this ends in him getting punched by Obi-Wan

-Immediately starts putting her on every treatment known to man

-Walks over to Wilson’s office, which is the only part of the entire ship that just looks the same as it does in the show

-Homoerotically complains about how stupid Jedi are, then makes a bet with Wilson on whether Obi Wan is gay or the father of Padme’s twins (Wilson wants House to believe people can be faithful)

-Padme almost dies again. Turns out the treatment’s not working

-“if the dark side nearly killed her, maybe it can save her”

-House uses force lightning to restart Padme’s heart

-Gets brought into Cuddy’s office and told off for using an experimental treatment, and the power of the dark side, in her hospital

-House is taken off the case and foreman is put in charge of the case

-Padme is unexpectedly doing better, but Cuddy refuses to tell House or else he’ll be using the dark side to save all his patients

-House watches on as Wilson tries seducing a relieved Obi Wan while he paces in the lobby. Doesn’t seem to work

-House interrogates Obi Wan about his relationship with Padme, insinuates it’s Obi Wans Fault. Gets in a struggle and once theyre seperated it’s revealed he ripped out some beard hair

-Padme is getting released from the hospital but crashes again with obvious signs of infection. Everyone blames the dark side of the force

-is put in intensive care again, everyone thinks she’s going to die, House is brooding.

-House meets Bail Organa and talks to him, Bail mentions how he was so worried about her the last time she was in a hospital, and this seems much more hopeless

-“what time she was in the hospital?”

-House marches in as they’re about to pull the plug, rolling Padme’s unconcious body over to point at dark spot on the back of her neck

-Foreman looks disapointed, “it’s a bruise house, her husband nearly snapped her neck.”

-“Our princess’ boyfriend here failed to mentioned she was scratched by a Nexu on Genosis years ago. Nexu claws are known as a vicious poison.”

-“it would have killed her years ago”

-“unless a small chunk of claw stuck in her back, working into the muscles near the nape of her neck for years. The little prince of Darkness chokes her, pressure and muscles spasming lets it work into a blood vessel. It’s why the force lightning only was a bandaid, it vaporized what was in her bloodstream but broke up the rest of the claw and let it enter in her bloodstream. Start her on dialysis, she’ll be fine by tomorrow afternoon.”

-Next day Padme’s wheeled out of the hospital with her two children, bittersweetness. House watches from balcony before going back to his office

-Wilson enters with his shirt unbuttoned and a few bruises on his neck, declaring, “the Jedi is gay. I win.”

-House holds up a paternity test, “he’s bisexual, it’s a draw”

Miss Congeniality (2000) dir. Donald Petrie

Bus drivers who see you running and open their hole are better public servants than any cop.

their what now?

their ‘bussy’ you might say

i might not.

i love how every plant guide ever is like

YouTube: so which of these four brands would you consider buying?

Me, every single time: none. I do not consume products. You will not get any information about me as a consumer because I refuse to exist as a consumer. Now let me watch this 1:57:49 analysis of the roblox OOF sound. Thank you.

Joseph's brothers would have sold him to One Direction

(@lucydonato)

And the Oscar for Best Picture goes to...

thought y’all should know that since tumblr is collectively pregaming the ides of March, when you make an original post with the ides of March tag, tumblr gives you a little celebratory shower of knives :))

now in gif form:

you want my hot take for the evening? people who dont like complainers just havent been exposed to good complaining, and will never know if they themselves have an inborn talent for the art of kvetching

good complaining is some combination of a) funny, b) animated and theatrical, c) insightful re: human foibles, d) inquiry into social trends and norms.it must ALWAYS involve at least a small degree of self awareness, and is often used to build camaraderie and maintain relationships.

source: im jewish

I love caves as a horror theme but I HATE when there are things in the caves. Horror writers utterly ruin cave stories by not realizing that the cave itself is the monster.

It’s fine when caves are a gateway that something is coming through, or the cave is somehow alive and malicious, or if the only monster is what the narrator brings in with themself, but I hate hate hate when writers expect me to be creeped out by spelunkers being menaced by creatures that live inside the cave.

my beloved mutual, I agree that every labyrinth needs its minotaur

but the horror of a labyrinth from the perspective of Theseus is nothing like the horror of a labyrinth from the perspective of the Minotaur… a cave is horrifying because the Earth built it to contain you

“A cave is horrifying because the Earth built it to contain you”

So I was fully on board with both sentiments, cave as the horror sounds cool and monster in the cave is cool, and then comes that line and holy shit that is a new horrifying thought.

I think I’ll put it in a story somewhere

It’s a thought I always have while caving. Looking into a naturally-formed chamber or hallway that has never seen the light of day is eerie—there’s a reason specific chambers end up with architectural names, like “the ballroom” or “the great hall”. The resemblance to human habitation and artefact is uncanny… sprawling, incomprehensible structures in crude mockery of buildings and cathedrals and dungeons, as though designed by some awful alien intelligence that had only dreamt of human needs. Inhospitable doll-houses, lightless, windowless, with oubliettes and dungeons and poison winds and air that robs the breath from your lungs. We refer to our ancient ancestors as “cavemen” but they were no more adapted to the labyrinthine darkness than we are today—we did not spring from caves but from the treetops and savannas with the sun and stars above us. A cave is a mouth, a throat, a digestive system. It is just tempting enough to draw us in—cool and sheltered and beautiful, but it has no real will to sustain us. Green things do not grow in caves. Even the other predatory creatures that shared our caves fell victim to them, when they slipped or strayed or wandered too deep.

the Pedro Pascal + his sleepy kids snuggling up to him cinematic universe

With vanilla extract being a meme, I wanted to share some black history of Edmond Albius a black slave who revolutionized vanilla pollination.

He used a technique he learned of pollinating melons to polinate the orchids to create the vanilla beans. Vanilla was rare and a luxury mainly due to only being able to be pollinated by its natural pollinator in Mexico.

unfortanely, he didnt receive any money for his discovery despite being called the main man who revolutionized pollination, he died in poverty...

everyone say thank you Edmond

The Lady and the Unicorn  is the modern title given to a series of six tapestries created woven in Flanders from wool and silk, from designs drawn in Paris around 1500. The set, on display in the Musée de Cluny in Paris, considered one of the greatest works of art of the Middle Ages in Europe.

"According to my only wish."

"The lady with the unicorn. Hearing"

"The lady with the unicorn. Touch"

"The lady with the unicorn. Smell." 

"The lady with the unicorn. Vision"

"The lady with the unicorn. Taste"

I made my lovely wife very bored and the security guard very nervous to take closeup photos of these tapestries

look at the transparent outer sleeves of the Lady in the pavilion scene:

ENHANCE

alternating white rows with color to create transparency- clever

doing that while maintaining an underlying pattern, and shading folds in the transparent fabric? Absolute peak of mastery

Ooooh that's magnificent! And the shading on the little pearls! What skill!

I fucking love the culture that has sprung up around polls. It is good.

the three genders are girl, bestie, and king